r/exredpill

Looking for opinions: my ex has some very red pill ideologies and before we broke up said to me that if I were to say something to him that he felt was the equivalent of a punch, he would punch me and be justified. For example “I never loved you and this was all a lie.” would then make it ok to punch me.

He also believes in using “physical deterrents” when raising children. 🚨

I am a nonviolent person and this really shook me. Is this a common belief you’ve seen before in the community? Do more people believe this than I think? In my opinion I would not punch my significant other unless it was in self defense or defense of another.

I’m a coach helping people rebuild their lives after changing philosophies and I was working with one of my ex-religious clients. I referred him to therapy and we had a session about what therapy is and why I recommended he explore it. I know that dating is important to him so I mentioned offhand “you know, Gen Z women love a guy who’s gone to therapy.”

He was shocked and didn’t believe me at first. Then, he looked it up online and found a Hinge survey that said over 80% of women find guys who have gone to therapy desirable.

Is this really a sentiment that people don’t know about? To me it’s totally obvious from all the women in my life (myself included.) this is the most talked about topic when it comes to dating. It doesn’t matter how attractive he is, if he hasn’t done the work, the relationship eventually fizzles out.

Is it just the circles I surround myself with that make this seem so obvious? Is anyone reading this surprised that women want this?

I'm in my late 30s now and reflecting on my whole life, a lot of it has been shameful. I've probably spent the vast majority of my adult life in some kind of red pill mentality. I can remember the early days in the 2000s when pickup artists were popular, and that was when I first 'learned' that women liked a** holes and started practicing that behaviour.

I continued with beliefs like that for years, then progressed to healthier influencers like Corey Wayne in my mid 20s. But nonetheless, I still had a lot of cynical, misogynistic, and deeprooted paranoia around women and how they were supposedly inevitably going to screw me over, were stupid / irrational, and not to be trusted.

By age 28-32, I was very deep in online red pill and 'manosphere' content, and I was watching on a daily basis. I even bought some of their books. I was constantly angry to the point of even feeling angry whenever I so much as *saw* women, silently judging them.

I eventually got tired of this toxic mindset and stopped watching it altogether. This behaviour still crept into my last relationship 4 years ago, but I'm *much* better now and I can laugh about manosphere and red pill ideology.

I'm now a couple of months into the healthiest relationship of my life and I can't help but feel a bit of a fraud to my girlfriend, who has liberal values (and I'm *far* more liberal than I used to be - you could say I was rather socially 'right wing' in the past).

I think we once joked about the Louis Theroux documentary on the manosphere but I didn't have the guts to tell her how immersed in it I used to be, or even at all because I don't want to be rejected for my old life.

I don’t want to be sent down a rabbit hole, but in my limited understanding RedPill is Andrew Tate style self improvement, “women care about status and looks”, be better and women will chase etc. It aims to shifts the dynamic from an egalitarian partnership to one where the man is most controlling.

So RedPill is more about control and using self improvement to achieve that, with assumptions about what women want (status, looks, money etc).

Blackpill is RedPill without the self improvement. E.g everything is predetermined, society sucks, nothing will change your romantic odds other than luck.

Anyone noticing more men shifting from RedPill to BlackPill?

And if so, what’s the solution?

What if the goal of the red pill movement is to drive men and women apart? I live in a country where prostitution isn't illegal, so redpillers here simply date sex workers and demonize serious relationships, even though they've never had one themselves. This made me wonder whether that might have been the goal all along, almost like a form of birth control: on one side, radical feminists; on the other, redpillers — both hating the opposite sex and avoiding any deeper relationships?

So a pretty core part of Red Pill talking points is how women will inevitably lose their beauty, hence 'hitting the wall'. This is often pushed to not only belittle women but encourage women to marry as soon as possible, lock in a man, and keep their standards for dating/marriage low. I'm not going to make the counter argument here that women can still maintain attractiveness and data shows women still date and marry past mid age. Let's just accept the premise for a moment.

If you actually analyze this logic through a risk-management lens, it points to the exact opposite conclusion. If an asset is guaranteed to depreciate and your partner's attraction is allegedly transactional and fleeting, why on earth would you center your entire survival, identity, and future around that asset?

If your looks have an expiration date and a woman's greatest asset is supposedly her youth and beauty, isn't that all the more reason for women to NOT center their lives around men? By this logic, your man will tire of you and choose to replace you with a younger woman eventually. So the notion that 'beauty fades' is all the more reason that a woman should pursue avenues like education, career, friendships, hobbies, and personal growth; things that don't have an expiration date and allow you to derive self-worth from internal validation rather than external approval.

If youth and beauty are temporary, putting all your eggs in the basket of male validation is a recipe for vulnerability. The idea that looks fade isn't a reason to panic and settle; it's the ultimate argument for financial independence and self-reliance.

RP says that women only go for the top x% of men but if RP won't date single moms nor obese women then are they also not going for the top x% of women?

Most of the women I talk to are regular people just looking to meet someone. Where's all this malicious intent they keep talking about

I (25M) have always struggled in life. Not academically or anything. More so socially and mentally. I have autism so it hasn’t been very easy to make friends, and I was bullied and excluded as a kid which I still carry the mental burden of. I’ve always had dreams of living a bigger life than my rural family so I’ve never really even fit in with my own family even though we still love each other. I tried to approach women and ask them out in school but could never reciprocate feelings and hurt after a bit. I still work in restaurants despite having a bachelors degree (first in my family to do so) since I went for liberal arts. And I’ve never really been comfortable in my masculinity due to having “nerdier” hobbies and being awkward. So lots of things that cause me to doubt if I’ll ever be a “real man”.

I finally got a girlfriend last year but she broke up with me after a couple months and I was stuck looking for answers on why she didn’t choose me. So I got sucked up in red pill content. It made sense to my logical brain. “You have to look better, you have to make more money, you have to be stoic, that’s how you become a real man.” But I’ve become a lot more cynical and jaded than I’d like to admit, and I don’t want to jeopardize any more of my relationships.

So I’m making the first steps toward it. I muted all the accounts on twitter I was following that had ”advice” disguised as fear mongering and misogyny. I know therapy to unlearn my self hatred I have towards myself and learn how to practice healthy masculinity would be good. The main thing is the financial barrier. I know I’m not this kind of hateful person, I was just at a vulnerable time emotionally and got suckered into it. I’m not proud of all the debates I got into online and all the blaming I did of women for the problems we have as society when they’re not to blame, but the first step is recognizing the problem. If anyone was in a similar situation and could give advice on what helped them, would be appreciated.

Im pretty sure we all know that the infamous Andrew tate was taken into custody last month. I really dont have an opinion on it other than the era of red pill is coming to a close.

I dont really hear a lot of men talk foundly about it like they did 5 years ago. It's interesting to see the rise and fall of culture. I watch from my chair just happy that I got out way before it became a curse to be associated with it.

However as I reflect, I think about who I am as a person and realized that I am no closer than I was before the red pill. Ironically I only got a gf when I was somewhat red pill adjacent. I say that because i never disrespected women nor acted like i was better.

Instead, I only followed the principles of confidence, being alpha, and understanding female nature. Essentially, accept women for what they are and be OK with gender dynamics. My reason for joining was that I felt alone and lost. I used to be more of the nice guy. So the red pill attracted me when it was about building yourself up. It fundamentally changed my perspective of what it meant to be nice. It taught me how women are just like men in terms of lust.

I think that idea alone helped me find dates. The reason for why I left was that I was too rigid with gender roles. I felt like I had to keep leading and not struggle with vulnerability. I had a girl leave because I came off weak emotionally. I thought it was because I wasn't alpha enough. But with reflection, I realized that I self selected for women who liked more red pill type men. Ultimately I could not keep up with that.

So i left and decided to be myself. Well, im back to square one and super single.

I really dont know what to make up it other than it is what it is.

I’m a woman and I am genuinely curious about why so many people get into RP thinking it will make them glow up but also are obsessed with engaging with a category of people they reject and hate on. What is your take on this and how does rp explain this ? Thanks !

Im an Indian m20, Got into redpill when I was 16 year old. I can't unsee all the truth I got about female nature. Women cheats a lot that's what my observation has been. Im depressed is there women who is supposed to be normal.

Regardless of race, nationality or religion They all are same.

They'll cheat on you. Women's body always finding the best genetics to reproduce with

My older brother has been bad to me since the start of my life. There were very rare instances of him being nice to me. Things like buying me toys and ys bonding over rescuing our cat are the few moments i can remember and i smile at.

Since 2020 hit with the pandemic my brother got very involved with being. He was always Christian and always had conservative views like most of the people in my family do so i wasnt worried, but the rise of Andrew Tate and other right-wing influencers who preyed on people like my brother eventually got his following too. Naturally he started adopting all the beliefs that far right groups had. Just yesterday i heard a reel on his phone with a man saying something like “If a black person or Muslim person seems nice to you don't let them trick you because deep inside they are still evil and rotten to the core.”

At first i thought it was kust bigotry thay maybe he would get over it and learn that it was extremely wrong (however hopeless of a hope that is). But i noticed it has evolved into state where he has been suffering from the same beliefs that he thinks are the only correct ones.

My mom has noticed it too and she cries a lot although she doesn’t know why he has changed she feels he might do something to himself. They went on vacation together to try to bond but i don't think it helped a lot.

There are nights where he slams doors and talks to himself and days where he sleeps yntil 5 pm. It’s currently 3 pm and he is still sleeping with the door locked and not answering. He always ends yp waking up after but everyday is a gamble abd im aleays horrified at the thought of maybe one day he won’t open the door and when we take it down he will be dead.

Going back to the first paragraph i wrote where i said we never had a good relationship together is why im posting on reddit. I guess i meed advice from people who know how these things work and am wondering if i should say something to him to give him hope that somebody cares or noticed or if it’s futile and useless and might make things worse. I guess i also want some words of hope that things will go back to the way they were and he can get better mot only with his mental health but also with his beliefs because i believe you can be Christian without bigoted views yhat hurt the people around him and himself. If you think i should say something to him what should i say so that he wont have a bad reaction to it and might also learn a thing or too and know that people want him alive?

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I’ve heard this a lot; personally, I believe that both men and women should be protectors and providers.

21M trying to look my best but not really sure where to search. My friends think I look “fine” but thats not what I’m looking for. My parents obviously just lie to me to be nice so my options are like looksmaxxing forums or reddit where I get conflicting responses. I feel like there’s no ideal or “female gaze” to aspire towards in the sense of how to appeal to the type of women that I would want and to shape my appearance around it. Is there a reason for this and where can I get good feedback on my looks so I can become better than just average?

Since this should be a question. I tried dating getting Girls Numbers Instagram all that, i only can say i never saw reasons to block people but more and more i block people that waste my time for god knows what. Why match on tinder and literally some only do it to get Instagram followers and will Message a Bit and then stop, 2 weeks later they unfollow you so their Ratio is better. You are not imagining it. And Overall im done now with dating, putting in effort for nothing, at Best a narcassistic women that cheats on you if you are Lucky. And in real life it’s still the fucking same. Im Not “red pilled” i never had a problem with women but with todays standards im JUST DONE. Am i the only one or is this a pattern especially around 25-30?

When my girlfriend and I met, I didn't want anythi g to do with a commited relationship. I was seeing a couple women at the same time and was happy about this no commitment thing.

I was upfront about it and I told her I was seeing other girls and talked about one of these girls, about the discussions we had.

First time we saw each other, we did oral sex, but she made me wait 3 weeks before having piv sex.

Didn't mind since I was seeing other girls.

She then immediatly asked for an exclusive relationship. I told her it was not something I wanted right now and the best I could offer is an open relationship.

I was seeing her and this other girl that I talked to her about, dropper all the others because I was happy with this.

She told me she was deeply in love and didn't want to go see somewhere else.

Then, two weeks later, she goes on a date with another guy, I mean, it's okay. She spends the whole weekend there and does piv sex all weekend long.

She then chose to not see him again because he wanted exclusivity and gave her an ultimatum.

It's been a turning point where I stopped seeing this other girl and accepted to be exclusive with her.

Now, I can't get off my mind that she saw me as beta and that she saw him as alpha.

I know she did nothing wrong in this (there are other things, but I don't want to get into that right now)

And it's been over 9 months ago.

And it still obsesses me that she made rules for me and broke her rules for him.

How do I get rid on that thought?

EDIT :

I now realize that I've let my insecurities make me become really controlling.

We had many many discussions over time, but this time was different.

With what some of you explained to me, I realized that she didn't do this because she wanted him more, nor that she wanted to hurt me because of her pain, but because she wanted to get away from the pain. I told her that.

She then finally gave me a concrete example of how something I did, if she had fone the same thing, I would have been insecure.

Now, I feel guilty for how I made her feel throughout our relationship.

I have become so controlling that she fears being herself now, she lost her color because of me.

When I posted this, I was wondering how I could get over this and feel secure with her... now I wonder how she could ever feel secure around me ever again. 😢

Simple question.

I'm a guy and asked about cold approaching a few weeks ago but majority on here said to was a no go. They said to do hobbies and build rapport over the long term in a hobby group and what not instead of approaching strangers.

Then today I saw a post here about a woman who was concerned about a guy she met at the gym being redpill. Regardless of the details of the post, pretty much the guy had to cold approach her at the gym and it worked. One of my best friends had a similar story except at the library where he talked to someone and that led to a multi year relationship. I'm sure there's many stories like this where I guy saw someone interesting in a place like a gym, coffee shop, grocery store etc made small talk and got a date without having to join a hobby group and build rapport for 7 months before asking a woman out. However these were completely discounted on here in favour of building rapport.

So either the majority of people here have no clue themsleves about what does/doesn't work or is/isn't appropriate or they are just saying stuff that is disconnected from reality and makes them feel comfortable.

So let's completely disconnect from ideologies and what your personal take is. You tell me how and where you met your partner?

Most men didn’t reproduce in history. It’s a proven stat

Doesn’t that literally prove hypergamy?

So then all I have to do is play the hypergamy game, while knowing women will never truly be attached to a guy’s personality, only his status

I’m a screenwriting student (female, 54) doing informal background research for a fictional story about a man in his forties who is rapidly drawn into the manosphere but eventually finds his way out.

The story begins around the early #MeToo period and follows an ordinary middle aged man.I’m particularly interested in hearing from men who encountered red-pill, MGTOW, incel, anti-feminist or similar content while already in their thirties or forties. I’m also interested in experiences that were less extreme: perhaps you never fully identified with the movement, but certain arguments began influencing how you interpreted women, dating, rejection, marriage or masculinity.

I am not looking to mock anyone or portray men who become involved in these spaces as bad or foolish. I want to understand what felt persuasive and what can realistically help somebody question it and leave.

You do not need to answer every question, and please do not share identifying information. Any thoughts on some of the following would be enormously helpful:

• What was happening in your life when you first became receptive to this material? Was there a breakup, divorce, rejection, loneliness, sexual frustration, work problem, loss of status or another source of anger or uncertainty?
• How did you first encounter it? Was it through Reddit, YouTube, podcasts, dating advice, a friend or an online recommendation?
• How quickly did you become drawn in? Did it feel like a sudden conversion, or did apparently harmless content gradually lead to more extreme ideas?
• Which ideas initially seemed reasonable, helpful or true to you? 
• Did social-media communities make the beliefs easier to justify or normalise? 
• Did #MeToo or public discussion of sexual misconduct affect you? For example, did it make you reconsider men’s behaviour, or did manosphere content encourage you to interpret it as an attack on men, a threat of false accusations or evidence that gender relations had become hostile?
• Did the content change the way you behaved offline, or mainly the way you interpreted events? Did it affect dating, friendships, work, sex, or the way you spoke to and about women?
• What were your relationships with women like at the time—particularly your mother, sisters, partners, former partners, female friends or colleagues? Did the ideology alter those relationships, or did any of those relationships challenge what you were being told?
• Was there one decisive trigger for leaving, or was it a gradual discomfort?
• Was there any fallout from leaving? 
• Looking back, what were the earliest signs that you were being pulled in?
• What do people misunderstand about why adult men become attracted to this material? What would be an unrealistic or insulting way to depict the process?

What I want to show is a man leaving the manosphere. I feel that is not often represented in films and it feels important to show that it can be done.

I am especially interested in the messy middle: people who were not hateful, who may still have functioned normally at work and in relationships, but could justify their developing beliefs leaning in that direction.

Replies here would be very welcome. You may also message me privately if you would feel more comfortable doing so. I would ask separately before quoting anyone’s words directly; at this stage I am mainly trying to understand patterns, emotional realities and possible turning points. 

Thank you to anyone willing to share.