r/exredpill

I only recently learned that what he has turned into is called red pill, so I don't know all the specific of that. He has always been somewhat misogynistic and racist before and I used to say to comments he made that it wasn't cool, but the last 2 years have been getting insane, to the point I don't want to stay friends anymore.

The past 2 years I had a little less contact with him as we were both busy and he often hanged out with guys that smoke weed, throw slurs such as retard and N-word and don't accept LGBTQ. But each time I saw him we talked about politics and stuff which exhausted me (I'm very left oriented). I know he is lonely and interested in religion, so about half a year ago I invited him to join my church group. And oh my god I unleased something. He started yapping about stuff he heard on podcasts involving "traditional Christian" values, anti islam, patriotism etc. It's so bad other people try to stay clear of talking with him and honestly so do I. It's as if talking to a wall. It doesn't help that he is autistic either, so he doesn't pick up the social cues.

I can't deal with it anymore, but I don't have the guts to tell him. I've tried to respectfully mirror his thoughts, tried to include him in a social space and educate him on matters. It all seems pointless. We've been through a lot together😔 I miss the guy that went along with me to pride events, helped me through depression, my transition and the funny yaps we had for hours.

Any thoughts, sugestions or advice are welcome.

Hi all,

I would not like to make this post sound like a critique against feminism in any way, I just want to hear what people think on this topic. For context, I am a 24 year old man with little relationship experience which is likely why I don't know a lot on this topic. Over the past year, I've been making a good effort to meet more friends and potential partners after being fairly isolated socially in engineering school. As I've gotten to connect with more women either through dating apps or platonic female friendships, I have been feeling the sense that a lot of people, including both men and women who are supposedly liberal and feminist, seem to be pretty rigidly fixed on the idea of following traditional gender roles in relationships. As an example, there always seems to be this expectation on dating apps and among female friends that the men is to be the pursuer (asking out, planning dates, paying in full, doing grand romantic gestures like picking flowers for a first date, etc) and women to be treasured as precious and fragile.

Maybe most people really are fine with this concept but I don't really feel that way. I'm not even trying to be performative and saying how much I really align with feminism even though I'm a leftist, I just genuinely don't like doing these things assigned to me just because I'm a "man." If you don't want these strict gender roles, why am I expected to pamper you and shower you with compliments and flowers like you are a delicate princess (even if it's actually in a manipulative way that is extremely ungenuine). I can understand gift giving to each other in genuine ways that's actually reciprocated, I'm only really referring to where it's one-sided and it's the men doing all the pampering. That feels incredibly ungenuine to me.

Honestly a perfect first date for me sounds like grabbing coffee and just talking about our intellectual interests, including a bunch of nerdy topics, and see if we can have an engaging conversation. I don't really feel emasculated at all if I split the check, I just don't really care. Maybe it's because I grew up in a household with hard working and independent women and an unemployed dad, which caused me to never really internalize gender roles as much as other men and women.

So I'm left here asking this question in an attempt to make a reality check. Do I just have bad experience, severely misinterpret others motives, or have genuinely accurate views on this? Obviously, not all women agree with each other on this topic and I know some will not care, but it makes me sad to see how traditional lots of people actually are despite the fact that feminism is so mainstream and supposedly "accepted" now.

I am curious how much of his behavior is influenced by redpill? Is it so prevalent that most men will use the tactics?

Saw this meme somewhere where a guy says "I'm the world's first ethical incel. I don't hate women I just don't get coochie" and I really resonated with that lol. I'm thinking of community that talks about the struggles of being socially awkward and unsuccessful in dating while also challenging all misogyny and helping to deradicalize people. Subs like this are more focused on the red pill and challenging that but I'm thinking of something that would be a next step, helping people who have moved on / were never sucked into the red pill and misogynistic stuff cope.

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One of the things I hate most about social media is men being labeled "princesses" simply for asking to be picked up, having the door opened for them, being taken care of, and so on. It’s a double standard that I can't stand.

They say “go to the gym bro” and then you see a Chad who has chiseled jawline and hollow cheekbones and then you realize it’s all bullshit.

Do all y’all realize that if we admitted that most of what makes someone successful is out of their control, the red pill business model would collapse

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I haven't read it cover-to-cover, but I’ve skimmed it, and it is the most "Red Pill" thing I’ve ever seen. It encapsulates everything about the Red Pill—and I mean that seriously: this book is only relevant to toxic relationships involving toxic, superficial, and cruel men and women. If you have a family member—whether they’re a child, a young person, or an adult—tell them not to even think about reading that book.

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Do you know of any cases that refute this idea and completely debunk it?

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This feeling hasn't gone away since I left the manosphere, and I can't get it out of my head.

In my view, a large part of this loneliness epidemic is driven by "red pillers" and manosphere content creators who tell men that "if you aren't a muscular alpha with money, you're worthless."

If you are ex-RP or trying to leave it, or have helped someone leave it:

What do you wish existed to help people leave RP ideologies? What would help?

I understand there is a vacuum, that men are often finding their way to RP because of other problems in their life, and it can be hard to deprogram.

Would it help if there were (for example)

• YouTube influencers who used to be RP talking about how they found their way out, interviewing other ex-RP

• a self guided online course or program (eg 12 weekly video lessons with exercises to do)

• a guide given to loved ones that help them understand what the RPer is going through and how to support them

• an in person or online group therapy/support program

• healthy masculinity orientated solutions for the underlying issues with no explicit mention of RP, manosphere, etc

• general mixed gender solutions for the underlying issues (social activities, sports/health, better dating and relationship advice, etc)

• counselling helplines or text chat lines

• healthy dating/social coaching program

• school run lessons

What are your ideas? Would you want to hear from men or women? From experts or ordinary people? More likely to seek out an online solution or something in your local community? What concepts or topics would most likely be of use to you and others you know?

Hey everyone,

As I assume most of you have at some point had Redpill find its way into your life and twisting your view of the world. I've been unlearning many concepts myself, but to put in the final nail in the coffin, I wanted to assemble a small dedicated peer support group to discuss once a week (via Discord/Zoom/Google Meet) for some time forward.

If you are, as me, wanting to unlearn everything Redpill taught you, DM and we'll discuss it further. I'm myself based in Finland (GMT +3), so we would ideally be meeting in the evening for me. Keep this in mind :). I've took part in group discussion about other problems in my life (unrelated to Redpill) and they have always yielded handsome returns.

Happy to answer any questions!

Hi all,

I used to be in the alt right pipeline and got out/ deconstructed during Covid.

Some of the big turning points for me were the following:

1. The misinformation spread about the covid vaccine, especially because they love to praise themselves on being “pro science” and they had praised the success of the polio vaccine. To me that was very hypocritical and something i couldn’t shake off.

2. I also had this realisation of if what I believe is correct, why am I so scared to look at neutral and scientific sources.

3. Another thing was abortion debate, and realising you can believe life begins at conception and still be pro choice, and I did thorough research on abortion, and realized I was wrong, it made me realize if I am wrong about this what else am I wrong about. So I started doing research one topic at a time and very quickly my whole worldview started to collapse.

I would like to hear your stories.

I've been thinking about two hypotheses that seem to contradict a common Red Pill claim that female virginity is highly valued by most men.

Hypothesis 1

If female virginity were truly one of the most valuable traits to the vast majority of men, I would expect many more women to strategically preserve it. Assuming people respond to meaningful incentives, why would most women willingly "lose" such a supposedly valuable asset with average men from their social circle instead of waiting for the highest-value partner they could realistically attract?

It doesn't make sense to assume women are simply irrational. A simpler explanation is that virginity is not actually as valuable to most men as some people claim. Other traits (compatibility, attraction, personality, emotional connection, etc.) seem to matter much more.

Hypothesis 2

Red Pill often argues that high-status men can choose almost any woman they want. If that's true, I would expect to see a clear pattern of top-status men consistently choosing women with no previous sexual or romantic experience.

Instead, many famous athletes, actors, entrepreneurs and other high-status men publicly end up with women who have had previous relationships, marriages, or even children. Of course, individual cases don't prove anything, but I don't see the predicted pattern.

So my question is:

If female virginity is truly one of the most valued traits by most men, why doesn't that preference seem to appear consistently in either women's behavior or in the mate choices of men who supposedly have the most options?

I'm genuinely interested in counterarguments, especially if they rely on empirical evidence rather than ideology.

Hello!

My ex had a lot of attitudes that were red pill. I would like to know how to differentiate someone who is a true red pill from someone who has similar views but is not red pilled.

Please help.

Edit: I see how my post confuses some but the thing is that I am confused myself 😹 this guy tells me a phrase that triggers me, as my ex did but then when I see he comes from a totally different place I get confused

This idea circulates within "red pill" and masculinity circles. In my opinion, it isn't true; we are all emotional—after all, without emotions, we would be machines. Still, I’d like to hear your thoughts based on your own daily lives and experience

Hamza Ahmed, Andrew Tate, HSTikkytokky centre their entire personality and platform to ragebait vulnerable men. They also like to project that false narrative that we have some chip on our shoulder because they’re rich. No, if you’re rich that good for you what pisses us off that they use their wealth, status and platform be financially elitist and punch down us “poor people” because gloating is more masculine than being a good person. I do believe in winners, but I also believe in bad winners.

Whether you’re rich, poor, womaniser, virgin, high wage, low wage or no wage then don’t be an a**hole. Unfortunately these red pilled influencers are consumed by success rather than humbled. Instilling psychological warfare to vulnerable men that are failing life isn’t going to get them to magically change their life around.

I think humans are animals and that we are hardwired to value people depending on their social status. By status I don't mean economic, but everything that means that someone has good genetics, like intelligence, life success, charisma, good looks, being healthy, physically strong etc.

I've listened to evolutionary psychologists talk about what attracts us sexually and why and their reasoning makes a lot of sense. Also as far as I know it's supported by research too.

These things make us like and love someone and are what creates sexual and romantic love, because the purpose of sexual and romantic love is having children that are as healthy and have the highest genetic quality as possible. All animals choose mates based on these things, so it makes sense that humans wouldn't be an exception.

You might think "what about people in relationships who don't want children?" I'm not saying we consciously think of these things, but that it's what has created what we are attracted to through evolution.

For example, straight men who don't want kids are still attracted to women's wider hips, because wide hips means a woman is less likely to have problems giving birth, so evolution "knows" it's good for women in the population to have wider hips, so it steers men's attraction to make sure women's hips stay wide and maybe keep getting wider.

I'm sure few would deny that these status things matter at least initially, but would say that relationships usually develop into a more deeper connection with time and that they eventually don't matter, but that's hard for me to believe since as far as I know that's not true. Things like your appearance continue to be very important. Relationship therapists will often advice people that it's very important to take care of your appearance for relationships to work out.

I think people are so used to this that they don't think about it more deeply, but imagine a friendship where someone feels that they love their friend deeply, will always be there for them, etc, but also that if their friend becauses less enjoyable to look at they will not be interested in being their friend anymore. Wouldn't that be a shallow friendship? Then why aren't romantic relationships shallow then?

I really wish things weren't this way, just so that's clear. I'm not like a red piller who wants red pill to be true so they can hate women or whatever, but love being shallow just seems like the truth, at least for most people.