u/CreativeBar1289

I made a post on here recently saying how I essentially look up to women as superior than me. A lot of people gave some tough love advice about how I need to see women as people instead of an object of desire. I totally understand but there is a bigger problem at play here.

I cant help that feeling. I generally gain more attraction to women when they are better than me everyway.. for example, I was working out next to a woman who was able to outrun me on the treadmill for this class I was part of. I legit couldn't keep up. Not only that the instructor was also a woman.

Feeling that helpless made me feel more attraction in the moment.

I notice even when I was younger, I used to like the nerd girl who dominated academically. I love the idea of a woman being better than me. I even get fantasy that when I get married, my wife will make more.

I like the idea of just being a supporter.

I dont think a therapist would be able to unpack that, but I might be wrong as well.

I truly believe no woman has a crush on me at all. I feel like that I am invisible to the world. Well when I say those thoughts out loud, people tell me that I am probably not noticing when women like me in public. According to others, women will give eye contact or stare to indicate they want you to come up to them.

Heck I have seen this trope in movies to be real. But when I have been out and about, women never hold eye contact with me. I personally I have seen women look away many times.

But I am willing to get back on this horse because I am alone in this world. What is the technique to this?

I'm at the end of my rope, and I am about to have a mental breakdown after all the responsibilities that are being throw my way. I was trying to get a coffee today and couldn't speak to the barista before forgetting where I was.

I dont think I have the strength to deal with it and need more confidence. How do you gain more confidence in a trying time

I been having these thoughts for a while now ever since high school. But I just always looked up to women as goddess. Not in a objectification way, but more as a respectful way. I see them as the more competent gender. In high school, women could out run me, lift more than me, and beat me intellectually.

Women also can read me like a book as well. I have had women look me in the eye and start recounting my entire childhood as if they were there. I had a few women in bars do that.

Surprisingly this doesn't make me envy a woman. It makes me more attracted to them. I see powerful figures like AoC in congress or female celebrities who are well spoken and get immediately attracted. Knowing that they can run circles around me seem alluring however I don't think I am worthy of women.

I feel like I don't have alot to bring to them and I will only slow them down. I get really intimidated to open up and I also like to take the back seat.

I have never open up about this but I'm curious if anyone else feels this way

So I hear a lot of talk on here about making a woman feel comfortable and generally being a good dude before you can ask a woman out.

I am not against this at all. In fact, I think this is a great thing however, I noticed that a woman can be cool with me but not "cool" with me even though we have hung a few times. For example, at work they may laugh and even get starbucks on break with me. However, they don't feel comfortable to meet outside of work even after hanging out for 8 months.

I have asked about this to a therapist and they said they don't feel comfortable yet they show positive body language at work. They tease, touch and sit close indicating they feel warmth so what other sign am I missing?

I have notices this as I am a late bloomer in the dating game. Long story short, I got zero dating options and the only thing I could possibly do is find new dating options. There are zero friends of friends, college women, or coworkers. Everyone is married which sucks when you feel left out. Lastly, I have no way to meet new women except trying a new hobby or cold approaching which I really don't have time for anyway.

Last rant about dating before I talk about the question. If you are a young dude reading, just date while you are younger. The amt of bs that happens as you age is nonexistent when I was 21. Gosh I miss how easy it was.

Now answering the question. I have notice that people either do 2 types of advice. The first type which is what I noticed more men give is to just approach a woman. You never know what will happen. They tend to overlook game or looks. They claim confidence is the only thing yet they don't tell you how to carry a convo or close for a number. I had my male friends try to get me to ask for a waiter number because I thought she was cute. Bro, not only is it invasive but even if she gave it to me. It's not like she would take me seriously. I still will have to flirt and not come off desperate in text. Also they never even got a girl that way. They got their women the traditional way so idk why they are telling to do something different.

Then the second type is the advice stop caring and they will come. Forget about dating and just try to connect with women genuinely. I notice women tend to give this advice. The problem with advice is that confident men ask out women. Women hate passively and will lost respect if a man doesn't take the risk. Personally I have done the whole focus on yourself thing. That is why I am in my late 20s and single. All the women that I thought was cool are married by the dudes who straight up asked them out.

So yeah, I noticed the beat advice is someone who gets your situation and can tailor it to you. If not, it comes off really tone deaf.

I'm curious to know because I feel like there is a divide of men who are really good with dating and guys who never got any girl.

Basically a chicken or the egg. Did you already believe or did you start believing after getting results.

Girly pop is really started to take over the music genre. You have big stars like sabrina carpenter, olivia rodrigo, billie eilish and Taylor swift. There are even upcoming ones like Tate Mccrae, chappel roan, and Addison rae.

I'm a huge pop fan and it goes back to childhood when I used to watch Disney Channel. In fact, I watch Sabrina carpenter on girls meet world and went to a meet and greet when I was 16.

When she blew up, i was like finally I can claim I am a sabrina carpenter fan. Then that is when people assume that it's because I think she is hot.

I remember being on a date with a woman and she tried to say I like girly pop since they are hot. I had to cook her very quickly and I said that I been a fan since the beginning. I bet I can name more songs. That ended the convo very quickly.

So yeah I vented that a bit because I love girly pop and I always will

Girly pop is really started to take over the music genre. You have big stars like sabrina carpenter, olivia rodrigo, billie eilish and Taylor swift. There are even upcoming ones like Tate Mccrae, chappel roan, and Addison rae.

I'm a huge pop fan and it goes back to childhood when I used to watch Disney Channel. In fact, I watch Sabrina carpenter on girls meet world and went to a meet and greet when I was 16.

When she blew up, i was like finally I can claim I am a sabrina carpenter fan. Then that is when people assume that it's because I think she is hot.

I remember being on a date with a woman and she tried to say I like girly pop since they are hot. I had to cook her very quickly and I said that I been a fan since the beginning. I bet I can name more songs. That ended the convo very quickly.

So yeah I vented that a bit because I love girly pop and I always will

Now this isn't about pity or woe as me. This is just real life and what I have noticed almost hitting 30.

Now I will give a bit of context. But my life is unusually hard for my age and I been through some crap. The biggest thing I battle is the loneliness and isolation. This isn't because I'm not social but the world itself doesn't have a lot of third spaces as you get older. Also as people age they tend to stay close to their wife and maybe two best friends. So before you know you are just left out in the dust if you didn't get established socially ask a younger person.

I am not going to go into specifics but just understand that I have challenges that have made me cry at night and push a wall because of how much pressure it is.

So that is the context. What I have noticed is that we can not really open up about it. I noticed that people tend to down play it as if it wasn't important. I am given surface advice like don't give up or we all got problems yet no one really says oh man you seem overwhelmed. Is there anything I can help with that?

The ones who claim to care tend to view me as weak later. Once the smoke has blown, they would bring it up subtly and imply that I'm a bit more sensitive than them. It can never be a momentarily weakness. It's a permanent personality trait.

I have gotten to the point that I just keep it to myself which I know it isn't healthy. I'm curious what other men think about this?

So something I have always been confused about since I was young was how men be finding women to get into relationships with. In fact, I be hearing men having new dates lined up every week and it's almost like there is a new women to date every day.

This is not my reality. Every since leaving college, most women I know are dating and/or married. In fact, all the girls that I knew in college are married. Every girl from high school and middle school is married too. The women i know at my job are married also. I'm close to 30 so I'm not surprised, but people find it strange when I explained it to family or strangers at bars.

People always assume that there are women, but I am to scared to talk to them. Then it turns into a argument about how I don't know anyone. Currently, I couldn't even name 5 women that I could ask out to tomorrow. Friends don't even have women they know either even though I have 10 friends.

Somehow in my life most women I encounter even at my church, work, or gym have partners. Just very closed social circles.

I am someone who is pretty social as well so I am curious where people just be knowing alot of single women.

Disclaimer I don't care about losing my virginity, but I thought to bring it up just to throw it in there.

​

But somehow in my life, I don't have any dating options at all. I don't have female friends that I can talk about with this. Even when I take the advice do hobbies, I end up being the only one who never connects.

​

For example, I just join orange fitness to work on my stamina. Been there for little over a week and half with mostly female classes. I am just an odd ball.

​

Outside of that, a lot of my friends got married so I'm in this alone. Gone are the days of hitting up bar looking for a mate. Gone are the days of women that you know having crushes on you.

​

Heck women rarely flirt with me in public and I am a pretty outgoing guy. I talk to everyone and smile. My boss tells me all the time that my positivity makes company go around.

​

But I am secretly becoming bitter. Don't worry women haven't picked up on anything yet. I know because people still see me ask a happy person based on feedback.

​

I cant help it but give in to the darkness a bit. I feel alone and I get hurt thinking about my past.

​

I used to have women flirt when I was in middle school, high-school and college. But I didn't want them.

​

Now women don't talk to me at all. Even my family makes fun of me and say this is your curse for rejecting them when they wanted you.

​

I tried therapy but it's just feel good nonsense alot of the times. It feels good coming out of the office just for me to feel terrible until therapy. Maybe i had a bad therapist but it felt like i was fed lies to feel good. No one really speaks to my heart and try to hold it. I don't know what to do.

A small pet peeve of mines. Whenever I am out, and a girl strike a convo, all of my friends think it means something.

Most times women are just talking to talk at bars. I'm confused why dudes get excited knowing darn well that girl probably will reject you if you press.

​

Sometimes I am just chilling.

So disclaimer, I am not caring about losing my virginity. So please refrain from telling to visit a hooker or telling me to sleep with a drunk girl at a bar. I dont want any of that.

​

I want to find a gf and eventually a wife.

​

Unfortunately, I have more barriers to dating than anything someone would expect.

​

I am in med school and very busy 24/7. No it wont get better after med school. Residency is 4 yrs and you work harder than med school.

​

It is not smart to wait later. I would be 34 when I am a fully fledge doctor. That is dumb to wait until then. Also, my life isnt about to be 20 times easier as a doctor. I actually have way more time as a med student than doctor.

​

There arent nurses to date. Most of the nurses around the hospital are married or in relationships. Its rare to see single people like that.

​

There arent even girl that I can date in my program either. Most women are getting married soon or have a bf. Its actually rare to know a single med student. Most have bfs.

​

I dont have any friends who have single friend either. All my friends are married and cut off opposite sex friends after marriage. They married very introverted women.

​

I tried dating apps and I get zero matches as well

​

So what can a man do

​

​

I'm curious to know because I feel like there is a divide of men who are really good with dating and guys who never got any girl.