u/BitchImLilBaby

I (25M) have always struggled in life. Not academically or anything. More so socially and mentally. I have autism so it hasn’t been very easy to make friends, and I was bullied and excluded as a kid which I still carry the mental burden of. I’ve always had dreams of living a bigger life than my rural family so I’ve never really even fit in with my own family even though we still love each other. I tried to approach women and ask them out in school but could never reciprocate feelings and hurt after a bit. I still work in restaurants despite having a bachelors degree (first in my family to do so) since I went for liberal arts. And I’ve never really been comfortable in my masculinity due to having “nerdier” hobbies and being awkward. So lots of things that cause me to doubt if I’ll ever be a “real man”.

I finally got a girlfriend last year but she broke up with me after a couple months and I was stuck looking for answers on why she didn’t choose me. So I got sucked up in red pill content. It made sense to my logical brain. “You have to look better, you have to make more money, you have to be stoic, that’s how you become a real man.” But I’ve become a lot more cynical and jaded than I’d like to admit, and I don’t want to jeopardize any more of my relationships.

So I’m making the first steps toward it. I muted all the accounts on twitter I was following that had ”advice” disguised as fear mongering and misogyny. I know therapy to unlearn my self hatred I have towards myself and learn how to practice healthy masculinity would be good. The main thing is the financial barrier. I know I’m not this kind of hateful person, I was just at a vulnerable time emotionally and got suckered into it. I’m not proud of all the debates I got into online and all the blaming I did of women for the problems we have as society when they’re not to blame, but the first step is recognizing the problem. If anyone was in a similar situation and could give advice on what helped them, would be appreciated.

Let me preface this by saying men aren’t “superior” to women or vice versa. However, biologically and mentally, they are just naturally different people with different strengths and weaknesses. We see and acknowledge it with every other animal species but fail to take it into account with us just because most of us see ourselves as “above nature”.

Women are less strong than men, better nurturers, more in touch with their feelings (even if it causes them to make emotional decisions sometimes), etc. Men are stronger and look to protect, usually more logical, think longer picture over short term. And while I’m not someone saying we should go back to the times where men controlled all of society, there was a clear and obvious social construct that has been violated in recent years.

Modern neoliberal feminism has empowered women to believe that they can do anything they put their minds to, that it’s “empowering” to pursue a “girl boss” career over a family and that wanting to be a mother and listening to biological instincts is “anti women” and “conservative coded”. So we’ve seen women live more like men.

Feminism has by and large won in Western culture. Women are encouraged to have all the fun they want in the 20s and engage in hookup culture to “have autonomy” since there’s enough men with zero self respect out there that will overlook their triple digit body count and settle down with them. There’s tons of women-only scholarships and programs to get women hired despite them making up the majority of college students and graduates while men are being pushed out of the workforce, being a traditionally masculine man is seen as a bad thing, male dominated fields like manufacturing have been phased out and labeled as “low skill work”, and pushback against this is almost always seen as “misogynistic“.

But we’re seeing depression rates and SSRI prescription rates be higher than ever among men and women, despite having the best material conditions in human history. It says two things: women are not happy living like men, and men are not happy that they’re getting robbed of the chances to be men.

I know a lot of men that went to good schools, went for good degrees like engineering and business, and can’t afford to move out. Meanwhile most women in my circle seem to be able to land a high paying job right after graduation, even if they went for communications or political science. There’s realistically only so many white collar jobs that can exist in a society and the burning desire that neoliberal feminism has created in so many women to be in that workforce has led to the creation of jobs like Human Resources, social media management, etc, that are taking away the financial budget from the young men that desperately want to be the next leaders of society. Even most of the men that get hired share similar traits: they’re skinny, look like they have low testosterone, etc. Women are given the chance to work their way up; men have to be a finished product nowadays to even be seen (and don’t they dare act too much like men!)

This permeates into every aspect of society. Women will have their own careers, make good money, and still want a partner that makes more money than them. Women will complain that there are no good men out there when the actual good men tap out of dating because they’ve been conditioned to think they are garbage unless they have a house or a 1 bedroom apartment all to themselves and a nice car and a six figure salary in a society that has turned anti men and is robbing them of being able to work towards those things, which ironically only keeps the bad men in the scene that don’t care about the feelings of women.

Like contrary to popular belief, most people DON’T want to live in their childhood room in their 20s. Men are being robbed of the opportunity to actually be men, work their way up the ladder and express masculinity in a healthy way, while women are realizing that they generally cannot handle the stress of high-pressure jobs. We need healthcare, teachers, hospitality workers, etc. Those have always been female dominated, but when people start to think they’re above human nature, it leads to bad effects for all of society. Taking something as sacred as sex and sharing your body to anyone you find hot while withholding it from the man you aren’t attracted to but married out of “stability” creates men that don’t want to be used like shit anymore.

This might be a very “conservative coded“ take to some but I’m far from a conservative, I’m a leftist. I voted for Bernie in the 2020 primary, I’m a huge fan of Mamdani, and because of that I’m willing to do things like be a stay at home dad (I can cook pretty damn good if I say so myself). But a lot of liberal women want their cake and to eat it too - to have the benefits of both men and women without the negatives of either. They don’t want to truly take on the responsibility of being the breadwinner. They don’t really want to push back on the lives of unlimited comfort they’re able to so freely live. And also, I had to take classes in college about social justice and white privilege, and while I had the nuance to understand that obviously I’m not inherently bad for being a white man, telling men that they’re “inherently oppressors” for simply being born into a system they didn’t form really creates negative consequences for all.

So until more people do pushback on the ideas they’ve been fed and how it’s affected their life habits, standards, overall happiness of both them and others around them, we aren’t really gonna he able to move forward as a society and we’re going to reach a breaking point. Society can’t work when most women think they’re too good for the most men, and most men are told that they have to act a different way than from what their biology wants them to be and that they’re inherently net negatives to society until they can prove themselves otherwise and are being robbed of the chances to even prove themselves.

I’m genuinely curious what motivates yall. I know a lot more people have quoted spending money on traveling, entertainment like concerts, etc. I definitely enjoy those things but it’s still mass consumerism and only provides temporary fleeting happiness. I just can’t find those things being my primary motivation for a whole life.

I was diagnosed with autism early in my life, back in 2005-06, don’t remember the exact year. I was 4 or 5. They didn’t know nearly as much about it back then as they did now. so the doctors treated it like basically a death sentence to my chances of ever having a “normal” life.

When I was older and my mom talked to me more about why I’m different, she told me what the doctors told her: “Your son will probably end up in an assisted living home one day.” I’ve had a chip on my shoulder every day, trying to prove myself to this invisible doctor whose name I’ll never even know. I’ve had people from school, people I used to consider friends, even family members think that I’m crazy. Crazy for trying to work my way towards being a successful man that can convince a company to work for them, or maybe even a woman to marry him.

I can’t help but think about every aspect of life from autism and take rejection very personally due to trying so hard to disprove my critics. My inner thought monologue goes like this: “People don’t want to be my friend? I can’t get this girl I like to date me? I didn’t get this job? It’s because I’m retarded.“ I hate that word but it’s how I talk to myself a lot. I feel invisible to most of the world, I feel useless, I feel stupid, so I feel retarded. And when I make mistakes in public I worry people think the same thing. Like last night I was playing pool at the bar. I don’t play much, but I wanted to practice and get better. Overheard the guy talking to someone next to me “I’m giving him a chance”. I’m glad he let me play with him but the back of my head was thinking “is this how everyone thinks of me? Does everyone see me as incompetent?” My mind started spiraling and I got close to tears and I just Irish goodbyed. I felt embarrased.

I just get really sad whenever I see people I went to school with on LinkedIn post about their new job or promotion or whatever. I thought going to college, working hard, trying to connect with people would allow me to maybe one day be accepted by society. instead I have to wake up to an “Unfortunately we have decided to move on with other applicants that better suit our needs” email everyday. Now I feel like I’ll never be good enough for an office job, that I don’t belong, because I’m retarded. I just want the world to accept me one day. But I know that can’t happen until I accept myself. But it’s hard to accept myself when I’ve been told I’ll be nothing but a failure.

I saw some discourse the other day surrounding a post by a woman in her late 30s who either can’t have kids or doesn’t want them and how she’s really struggling in the dating market as a result because “no kids, doesn’t want kids” turns off a lot of men, or at least the type of men she’d be into.

I’m not here to try and convince every woman that she absolutely needs to be a mother and kids are all that matters, because they don’t. I certainly think a non-zero people have kids before they’re truly ready. However, “high value men” almost always want children. It’s their biological instinct to want to carry on their lineage and give their child the best possible chance to give the same. They’re driven in every aspect of life, including family wise.

So if a woman wants a man that’s emotionally mature, very well off financially, has hobbies, is smart, but doesn’t want kids - well, it’s a little bit of a walking oxymoron. Men that check off those boxes have worked to check off those boxes primarily out of wanting to reproduce and “win” the game of life. Sure, there’s the rare man who checks off all these boxes and just doesn’t want kids, or is sterile, but it’s rare.

I’m not going to tell women to change their mind or to “lower their standards” but if the goal is a serious LTR or marriage without having children, then you’ll likely have to change who you’re looking for a dating partner, at least somewhat. I’m not saying to marry a bum just because he doesn’t want kids. But maybe a younger guy who didn’t go to college and doesn’t make as much money but is still disciplined with money, health, etc - it’s not the “typical” couple but you’re already choosing to be part of an atypical couple by not having children. I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a conservative.

I went to school with a degree that while not useless is hard to get hired in if you didn’t get a lot of internships and can paint a clear idea of what role you can play for a company. Plus, while it was related to something that I’m passionate about, I’m not sure it matches my strengths. As a result, I think going back to school is my best strategy and I’ve been weighing pros and cons of where to go and what to study.

On the contrary, I’ve heard a lot of people say “Oh you shouldn’t go back to school and accrue more debt, just keep searching.” But clearly it hasn’t worked for me. It’s been two years since I’ve graduated and I’m still stuck at the restaurant I worked at during school. No matter what I apply to, it isn’t enough. Is going back to school really crazier than trying the same thing over and over and hoping something changes?

I agree if someone goes back without a plan and/or has a lot of debt, it‘s not a smart choice. But I graduated undergrad with only $8k in student loans. And I know what my mistake was and how to correct it (aggressive networking and going for a more quantitative degree). I wonder if the people that wish they went back to school to pivot and don’t are just taking out their insecurities on other people. And even if I don’t get a job, at least I tried to get myself out of the rut that I’m in and give myself a better life. I’d rather do that than die not trying.

I’m 25M. Graduated college two years ago from a pretty well known and prestigious public school. I got work experience and good grades, but because they weren’t official internships, it’s still very difficult to get noticed by companies. I try to reach out to network, but get ghosted almost all of the time. In my defense, I shouldn’t have gone for a communications major. I’ll fully take blame that that field doesn’t pay well and I didn’t network as aggressively as I could have. I was a journalism major, but panicked because I saw layoffs around the country and went into something more broad where I thought my skills would transfer. I don’t want to work in restaurants for the rest of my life.

I’m still good with numbers - I just didn’t want a career around it. But now I just want to pay my bills, regardless of how I do so. Right now I’m debating career options. All I’d have to do to reenroll at my university is fill out some paperwork, at least if I want to go back to the liberal arts college. I feel like I could be a good data analyst and economics and statistics are both offered within my liberal arts college at my university. The dream is to be able to get into the business school at my university - it’s basically a corporate path line. But it’s so competitive, and not getting any “real” work experience post college has probably killed my chances of getting into there.

I still live in the decent sized city I graduated from - I’m lucky to at least have jobs that I can afford to not live with my parents. So I’m debating going to a business program at a smaller school and having better chances to get into. But the network wouldn’t be as good. At this point I might say fuck it though because the network of my university hasn’t done shit so far. And private schools might end up costing me more. However since I finished undergrad with only $8k in student loans, and will likely qualify for good financial aid due to being fully independent at this point, I think I can afford to be a little aggressive. I know where I went wrong, and how I can do better a second time around. Just trying to figure out if it’s better to get a “reliable” degree from a smaller school or just re-enroll at my Alma mater. Any feedback or comments are appreciated.

It feels like I was born at the worst possible time. 9/11 happens as soon as I’m born. My childhood was heavily impacted by the 08 recession. Things got better after that for a bit but then Trump fucked the country up, COVID hits during my gap year and I never get to experience college pre-COVID, and then I graduate into a second Trump term and a job market even worse than 08. Put in thousands of applications over two years and feel as lost as when I started. I’ve basically given up hope on ever getting a “real” job and making enough money to ever live in a nice city, having a kid, or even getting a girlfriend in today’s transactional, shallow, all looks-and-status-driven capitalistic hell of a dating scene. At this point I’d be ecstatic to be able to afford an apartment without a roommate and have a dog. If I would’ve known this timeline would be so dark and evil, I would’ve never been asked to be born. I’m not actively suicidal but it crosses my intrusive thoughts a lot. But no, boomers will just blame streaming services and DoorDash while not building new housing and outsourcing every job. I’m just genuinely so defeated.

Honestly, I never thought I’d get a girlfriend as an autistic man. Always got the friend zone treatment in high school and college. I got Hinge, went on dates. Usually got rejected but I expected it so it was whatever.

I met someone last year. We clicked right away. She actually valued me as a human being. We made it official after seven dates in one month. She introduced me to her dad and her aunt and uncle. She met my best friends. She didn’t even care that I basically had a panic attack right before the first time we were gonna have sex cause I was worried about being a virgin and disappointing her. We had great sex once I was ready (at least I think we did, since she wanted to keep doing it).

But one day she shows up to my apartment, asks me to come outside for a chat. Said “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Which I knew was bullshit, but I wanted to believe her. I broke down crying in front of her. I still feel so fucking embarrassed about that night. Like I wish I didn’t cry and act like such a soft little boy. She said she still wanted to be my friend but I didn’t want that. I wanted someone to see me as a real man, not defined by autism or my lack of status.

She messaged me a week after she did that with a meme, saying she thought of me. I basically told her off, saying “Don’t do that to me when I’m griefing.” So we traded the occasional message on and off after that. I saw she was back on the app. Just had to play cool like I didn’t see it even though it felt like a Mike Tyson punch to my gut. My best friend somehow is close friends with all his exes. I wish I could be that mature. I just feel things too heavily.

I held out hope. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee, since she still “wanted to be friends”. She was always busy, or out of town. I thought she was just trying to let me down gently. And then two weeks ago she told me that it doesn’t feel right talking to an ex when she’s dating someone and she wished me the best.

I’ve been thinking about it non stop. Like why couldn’t she have just told me why she didn’t want the relationship anymore, especially after doing all of that stuff. So I basically poured my heart out in a text asking for closure, probably making myself look even more stupid and foolish. I just want to know what I could have done better so that if I do ever get another girlfriend, I can do better and make her not want to leave me. And now I’m left mentally paralyzed, stuck wondering if I fumbled the one woman in the world that ever liked me back.

Obviously most CEOs and executives are men, but basically every other non-finance job in any sort of high paying prestigious company seems to be going to women. Despite studies showing that if two people that are equally qualified, the women/female-sounding name is more likely to get an interview, and universities hand out tons of scholarships only eligible for women despite them making up about 60% of the college going population nowadays, there will still be people insistent that if a man can’t get a “real” job, it’s a “skill issue”.

I just don’t get how we move forward. “I won’t date a man that makes less than me or has less prestige than me.” Okay, but we’ve created a society that’s damn near impossible for that to realistically happen. Men can’t all go into finance or engineering. Men aren’t able to get any corporate marketing, project manager, or HR job just because they have a degree and look attractive. And don’t bring up blue collar work - everyone knows they’re looked down upon by a lot of the office workers. Plus we didn’t go to college to become garbage men.

I just don’t see the end game here. Do corporations just want women to stay single so they continue to spend their money to stimulate the economy? Because I know if men got these jobs, they’d be smart with money. They’d save so that they could be ready to one day start a family. But women just don’t seem to do that. Always spending on material goods and dinner. Maybe that’s what the CEOs want. I just don’t see a real way forward to either boost the material conditions of men and allow them to be “real men“ again or to lower the egos of women.

In the modern age I see a lot more pushback from women against wanting to be mothers or even getting married entirely. I can understand where this sentiment comes from as a lot of us grew up in not great households but at the same time breaking us down to the most simple of terms: We are still animals. We still need to reproduce to keep our species alive. We are also very social creatures, blessed to be able to clearly communicate. It's important to prioritize our relationships with other and not live a life of isolation.

Women are the unhappiest they've ever been nowadays despite putting less emphasis on these "misogynistic" expectations of society. And when looking at what a family means from a biological and sociological perspective, it makes sense. Our natural tendency is to want to reproduce. That is how we all ended up here. So putting a child into this world and raising it to be another successful member of society is the easiest way to have purpose to life.

I hear from some people that you can have a fulfilling, meaningful life without getting married or having children. And that is true. However, it's certainly a bit more difficult to do so without doing those things.

"I want to focus on my career, that leaves me more fulfilled." That's a valid argument, if you're a nurse, lawyer, teacher, or something of real value to society. But lots of nurses, lawyers, teachers take a little break from their career or put less of an emphasis on it, have a child, and then go back to that. My mom is a nurse, had three children, and has had a successful career. You can do both; life is long. Ironically, this argument comes mainly from the girls working in marketing, human resources, or other cushy white collar jobs. Like no, you do not feel more fulfilled sending emails and saving up money to go to Disneyland than you would as a wife/mother. I'm sorry, it's true, you can deny it all you want and it won't change the fact.

I know a family isn't for everyone. I'm an autistic man and so I'm very undecided on if I want to have a child myself and potentially risk passing down my genes and bringing someone else into this world that's going to suffer socially the way that I did. But I think any neurotypical, able-bodied, "normal" woman for lack of a better word that's so vehemently against being a wife or mother should take a long reflection on why they feel that way.

I got done with my showing about two and a half hours ago and I’m still just absolutely floored. I’ve been gushing about it to all of my closest friends. Every aspect is just perfect.

- Tom Holland put on arguably a career best performance and I don’t know if he even cracks the Mount Rushmore acting wise in the movie. Damon, Hathaway, Pattinson (he might be the MVP of the movie), and Leguizamo were all perfect in their execution.

- The scene with Zendaya/Athena towards the end really is a piece of symbolic perfection.

- Perfect pacing, felt like a two hour movie.

- Amazing score, orchestrating a whole piece around the sound of the bow was genius.

- The cinematography of the scenes raiding Troy and the final fight are some of the best directed action sequences ever.

I’m just so blessed to have seen this movie. Whole theater burst into a standing ovation. I’ve always loved Nolan movies even if my film critic friends say he’s like “the gateway into film”, but this film proves he’s every bit as genius as Tarantino, Scorsese, etc. This is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen and seeing such a dense, layered, and ambitious film smash box office expectations and resonate with all audiences makes me so fucking happy.

Talking to women involved in the modern dating scene about the type of man they say they want versus how they treat those men and who they actually end up being attracted to is the perfect example of stated versus revealed preferences.

You see a lot of stated emphasis on emotional intelligence, being vulnerable, being well-educated about the current world, caring about other people, etc. And politics is a deal-breaker for a lot of people in a LTR. Which, don't get me wrong, it's a dealbreaker for me too. I'm very liberal - I could never date a conservative woman that wants to uphold a patriarchy that's damaging for all of us and oftentimes doesn't respect herself or other women.

But I've been rejected by almost every intelligent, liberal/leftist women I've ever approached, despite checking off these intellectual boxes. Obviously I don't go into every approach expecting a "Yes" and know there's one of a myriad of reasons someone can choose to say "No". But if intelligence and empathy were really as important as women would say, liberal and "softer" men would have more success in the dating scene.

Except the quiet part that a lot of women don't want to say out loud is that they're not ATTRACTED to liberal men because they don't look or act as masculine. The types of men they're attracted to tend to be more conservative on paper. If you ask the average woman to be honest about what she truly values, she's going to say things like lots of confidence, a strong work ethic, a rugged body, the desire to provide, etc. And these are traits strongly associated with conservatism.

Now, I'm not too upset about it from simply an understanding of science and human nature. Those conservative traits tend to be associated with higher testosterone, which is what most women are more attracted to deep down. I know I could be a little more confident; it's probably one of the major reasons why I haven't had as much success in dating as I'd like. But it's not like I have no confidence. I still approach women and go on dates; I just get nervous sometimes because I'm so autistic.

I just implore women to accept the fact that what they SAY they want in a man, and what they DO want in a man are usually pretty different, and that smart men like myself are just getting tired of seeing that play out. Because if women truly think they can hold out for a man with all of those traits I mentioned earlier, in addition to being very left-leaning, it's such a small portion of men and they're all gonna be taken at the first opportunity. So they can either give the less "conventionally masculine" men a real shot, or suck it up and commit to the very hot man that wants them, but I'm not gonna feel bad about a prison that's self-inflicted.

I just don't get it. Everyone had to start somewhere with their career. Training exists. Now the bottom rungs of the ladder are being totally taken out from under us. Gen Z isn't getting hired for professional roles despite being more educated than any generation before them. They want a finished product for a $20/hr role. Now you have to basically start networking as a high schooler and know someone within the company just to get the chance for an interview for an internship with a company which doesn't even guarantee a full-time offer anymore. Are people just genuinely not thinking about the long term effects that would have on society? Do they expect us to magically become more qualified once we hit a certain age? Do they want us all to just settle for blue/pink collar work? Are they just trying to get rid of us? Of course we can't have 3-5 years experience, we're fresh out of school. I'm just so defeated. Like why wasn't working hard in school and working jobs throughout school and going to a prestigious college enough? I can't even get admin or customer service roles when I've worked in the service industry since I was 18. Now I almost resent my parents for putting me into this world and not being born rich.

I see the discourse all the time. “Don’t approach me at the gym, don’t approach me when I’m running errands, don’t approach me at work, don’t approach me when I’m grabbing drinks with my girls.” There‘s a non zero amount of women where it just seems they don’t want to be approached anywhere and say ”Use a dating app” if a man asks where they realistically expect to find a partner if they listen to the women that use her logic.

I just hate the way that the app defenders operate in arguments. They just don’t work for many people. “Oh but that’s how a lot of relationships start today.” Sure, because you’re stigmatizing in person approaches, AND more people are single now than ever before. That’s what we call survivors syndrome. That doesn’t mean they’re a positive for dating. In fact, I’d probably argue they’re the worst thing to ever happen for dating. Especially for men.

Our parents didn’t try to find out if someone met all 54 of their boxes before even meeting them. They didn’t try to find someone and operate solely on the basis of if he is 6 foot tall. And they didn’t have to go out of the way of their normal lifestyle to meet people. You’ll note that even a lot of the successful OLD LTRs had a mutual connection they didn’t know about.

Call me an old fashioned “hopeless romantic“ “lover boy“ simp” or whatever, but I want to meet my wife in the wild. Doing something I like or would have been naturally doing. Not because I had to download an app, be less present from society because I have to be on my phone all the time, and put more money into the pockets of the capitalistic big tech giants. It’s so dystopian. “Oh but it’s not that deep.” Actually, it kind of is.

I know there’s some shitty men that don’t get “no means no” and I feel sympathy for women that have to deal with unwanted pursuing after a clear no. But a man should also not feel like he cannot approach a woman he finds attractive in public respectfully and do the same thing that we are primed to do as creatures that we HAVE been doing for generations and generations, all out of for fear of social backlash. Because that will lead to the end of our society as we know it.

I (25M) worry I’m not going to make it back to the middle class in my lifetime unless a miracle happens, even though I grew up middle class. And I somehow feel like it’s my fault.

My parents were divorced, but both typical middle class: typically one vacation a year, an average house, etc. My dad lived more within his means than my mom so he was able to splurge a little more, but he wasn’t super rich or anything.

I’ve suffered a lot in my life from early diagnosis of ASD and the social isolation and that came with it that’s ultimately led to me going through life with a lack of confidence and fear that I’ll never be a “real man”, but I’m going to start therapy to work through it. I think my parents, specifically my dad, didn’t want to accept that I was different. My dad wanted me to adhere to traditional masculinity so bad, and I struggled. This weight on my shoulders that I somehow wasn’t being a good enough son to him led to me just feeling insecure and not taking as many chances as I should’ve.

My dad wouldn’t even let me get my drivers permit until I’m 17, and then would yell at me at any slight mistake when I did try to drive. He even hit me once. He apologized right away, but the damage was done. So I punted it down the road. We had an extra car. I told myself I’d learn to drive when I needed to. I knew I wasn’t going to really need it during college.

Well, a little more than two years have passed since I’ve graduated. And now my life feels bleak. I don’t have a 9-to-5 yet and work various part time service jobs to get by. My dad was laid off last year and I don’t think he’s found something yet. My stepmom is still employed but she hid alcoholism behind my dad’s back so they’re trying to work it out in therapy but I don’t know how it’ll go. My mom had to short sell her house because she got so behind on her mortgage because my sister took out so much in loans for college and can’t even work that much now because of a list of mental health conditions and now rents a small place.

So I am seeing my family fall apart behind my eyes. It’s really hard for me to save living on my own - in fact, I got into some credit card debt post college due to being underemployed and having some emergency expenses that I’m still trying to pay off. And since I still can’t drive, I can’t move back home, because I’d need a job. I probably COULD find something in my dad’s hometown, but I don’t know if being in that environment would be good for me. And I definitely couldn’t with my mom because she’s a half hour drive away from any metropolitan area.

I don’t know when things will get better for any of us in the family. I’m at a point where my education feels absolutely worthless and that I’ll never be able to find a job with it. So I won’t ever be able to progress in salary, and I won’t be able to buy a car, and I’m gonna be a peasant relying on transit and working all year just to look forward to maybe one getaway a year. I wish I would’ve just sucked it up and taken the mental abuse of driving lessons with my dad. At least then I could move back home and wait out this bad job market. Instead I’m left to fend for myself because that’s the only way I can make enough money to pay off my debts, even if I have to put over half of it towards basic living expenses.

For how much of online discourse is dominated by very liberal women claiming to be against the patriarchy and looking to have better relationships than their parents did, there’s still a lot of patriarchal standards when it comes to what men they expect to court them and how they treat men that don’t fit that standard.

Women are able to have their own careers now, make up the majority of college educated people and graduate students, and yet it seems the #1 thing when it comes to what they look for in a man is his job status and money situation. There aren’t enough high paying corporate, law, engineering jobs to go around for all the men. So it’s statistically impossible for every woman to be with a man that makes more than them. I’m not saying a man that has no handle on his money should automatically be entitled to a relationship. But if he has a lower-paying job, as long as he’s being smart with money and showing drive to work towards a better future, that shouldn’t mean he’s worthless in the dating scene.

Because that same man, if he waits until he’s 30 and he’s better off financially until he dates because he has this “lower class men are worthless” propaganda engraved into him 24-7, I guarantee a lot of women that rejected him would flame him for not having much dating experience. I literally had my first breakup because my girlfriend said ”I don’t want to be someone’s first girlfriend at this stage in my life”. So I got rejected for not having relationship experience when you need to be with someone to gain said experience. It’s genuinely disheartening, and for all this talk about how men should try to be more in touch with their feelings, whenever they do express how they feel, a lot of times they get told to “man up” or to “stop being incels/red pill/black pill”.

And then these older women get mad that men their age don’t pick them and want to pursue someone younger. No shit, you rejected him for things that didn’t have to do with his character or who he actually is a a person. Now that’s he’s better off and you want to “settle down” and use him when you didn’t want to commit to him when he was younger, it’s not a good look. Men deserve to be love unconditionally in the same way that women, animals and children do.

"Just work hard and be a good person. You'll go far." That's what they said. Except it seems like it couldn't be further from the truth.

I'm 25. Don't have my drivers license, no 9-5, never had a long term relationship. I feel at the bottom of the barrel for society. Even though I got my degree and graduated with a 3.8 GPA, I just get auto rejected from every application. Meanwhile all my peers can get jobs. And I get ghosted whenever I reach out to network. I have to work three part time jobs just to pay my bills and I can't even move in with my parents because my dad is going through a divorce and my mom lives out in the middle of nowhere, a 30 minute drive from the nearest city.

Some days, I genuinely don't see the point in continuing grinding. What's the point in applying to thousands of jobs just to get maybe a dozen interviews and zero offers while all your peers get promoted, get married, move to NYC? I understand some people have to be "losers" in the game of life. But I didn't think it would be me. I'm not asking to make 100k right away. I want to work my way up the ladder, but I'm feeling robbed of that opportunity in such a hellscape of a society. I just want to not feel invisible to the world, like I actually have some sort of merit. I was told the American dream would allow those that worked hard to make a name of themselves. And I feel robbed and hurt and pessimistic. I don't want to be 30 and still working food service. I want a career and a purposeful life so bad.

I hope this doesn’t seem misogynistic, as I’m not trying to say that all women lack financial literacy. However, from my lived experience and what I’ve seen both online and IRL, it seems a lot of Gen Z or even younger millennial women treat all their extra income as just that - disposable and can/should be spent right away. They generally go out to restaurants more, go to concerts more, travel more, etc. Then they’ll say they live “paycheck to paycheck”. Meanwhile the men I know generally have to be a lot more careful with money - because there’s still the expectation they have to handle the vast majority of the budget. For reference, I’m 25M. I don’t have a corporate 9-to-5 yet; I make 50k a year max and am doing better financially than most of my “girl boss” female peers that make 70-80k.

I know two millennial men in my life that got good paying jobs, got married, helped their wife pay off debt, and then they left a couple years later because of essentially being “bored” and not getting to do as many fun things as when they were single. Like yeah as an adult you gotta pay your bills, plan for the future, etc. I know a lot of people, probably moreso women, are nihilistic about the future. And like I get it, I’m working on not being so nihilistic myself, but I don’t see the world ending anytime soon. So I gotta prepare for the future. If I got one of the fake email jobs like “account manager” or “social media coordinator” and the salary that came with it, I’d no doubt be in a very good position financially. It’s just frustrating.