u/Solo_ray_

I’m 23F talking to my boyfriend 23M about how my dad doesn’t know I have my nipples pierced. My boyfriend said if he found out his daughter had nipple piercings he would feel like he failed as a father.

This really offended me, it felt like he was not only suggesting my dad failed but also that I’m a failure. I got upset and he said that I “know that he doesn’t like them (the piercings)”

He said he meant that he would assume his daughter was promiscuous, but he didn’t mean it against me bc I got them for “other” reasons. That is true, he knows that I have hated my chest my whole life from body dysmorphia and getting them pierced felt like they were actually part of my own body for the first time ever.

I think his response is messed up. It is better in his eyes that the reason I got my nipples pierced was bc I hated myself rather than being “promiscuous”.

AIO?

Me 23F and my boyfriend 23M have been together for about 6 months, and we are now long distance due to work.
We have our differences, I am religious and he is not, he feels that I can be too “LA” (I went to college in LA and he doesn’t like how it has influenced me and how much I care about my image/ how I dress. I sometimes wear form fitting clothes or don’t wear a bra)

I had a very different past than him. His was more cookie cutter, introverted, “good”. Mine was frought with sometimes fun sometimes reckless behavior, a bit more adventurous, “grey” sort of deal.

A week ago he asked a series of questions which led to me revealing age gap relationships I’ve had which I never planned on telling him, but if he asks I don’t lie. I have dated older men since I turned 18, and I have also dated men my age throughout. I was with an older man before I got with my current boyfriend. (Age gaps ranged up to 19 years older, I know that’s a lot)
TBH I don’t know why I enjoyed these relationships, but a childhood of self harm I think has geared me towards self destruction in these age gap relationships. More than once there was sexual coercion, but something in my brain liked that. I know it’s messed up
I told him all of this

It has been a week of torture. After the initial “blow up” argument, which was less of an argument and more me desperately trying to explain myself, it calmed down. Our phone calls have been tense, quiet, awkward. Our conversations have begun to degrade my sense of worth, as I feel he cannot look at me the same. He said I’m not the person I portrayed myself as when I met him. He said it compromised my character. Words like “weird”, “gross”, “something wrong with girls who do that” have really stung

He apologized for the way he made me feel bad about myself. But now that it’s been over a week, I begin breaking down almsot every night, crying on the phone. I tell him he never sounds happy to talk to me, that I can hear the resentment in his voice, that I feel disgusting and tha my value has dropped. He apologizes, but I don’t think he understands how low and dejected I feel.
I feel like the scum of the earth.
I used to make him smile and laugh.
Now I question if he hates me (even unconsciously)

Today in conversation I mentioned i’d owned a mini fridge in college. The conversation sort of dwindled, became awkward, I asked what was wrong and he said me mentioning college made him think of LA and it made him “feel weird”. My entire existence in college has become this dark smear of my life in his eyes. I am extremely proud of how hard I worked in college, I had a job and an amazing community. I can hear his resentment for me living in LA constantly.

I understand that these things about me make him feel bad. I don’t blame him, and I feel like I walk around with a scarlet letter for the rest of my life for those actions and decisions. I don’t even think he’s wrong.

He’s trying to get over it, but I’m afraid he’ll never look at me the same, and I will be this dog with my tail between my legs in our relationship forever.

How do I deal with this?

Edit: I want to mention that he wants to get past this, and that he has been very kind, understanding, and loving towards me. What I’m worried about is that he CAN’T get past it, not that he doesn’t want to.
And again, I don’t blame him for this reaction, it just makes me feel sad.

AIO my boyfriend said if his daughter got nip piercings he would feel like he failed as a father, and I have nip piercings

I (23F) think my boyfriend (23M) hates me because of my past age gap relationships