I scored (97%) in 10th boards but am now super underconfident in my prep strat
Hello! I hope you take the time to read this I've poured my heart to this.
I am a student who is currently in grade 11 and out of my own stupidity i picked commerce, after picking commerce i got to know about isi and since I was a child I've LOVED mathematics so I was instantly pulled by ISI. Though currently I'm very very stuck, I find commerce a little time consuming and my school periodic tests make this no easy for me, I also got permission to take core mathematics so now I gotta study for that in between my isi prep.
I'm very immature when it comes to prep like this and I think it's natural in almost all 11th graders, now the real problem:
I convinced my father to take a VOS full math mastery batch and they have covered 3 chapters till now, i joined in when the first chapter after basic maths was Abt to start, now though I don't understand a lot of what they teach and most of the time they leave some topics that I frequently hear from other places. I also am always in a constant state of FOMO and feel like I'm not doing enough for ISI. But the problem becomes if I don't understand the VOS people and I won't ask my father for another resource since I've already troubled him too much. Now i have 2 options, cry about it or go full monk mode like most people did and self study relentlessly and just don't care abt commerce boards (I can get 80 percent with less study), but I'm very underconfident in self studies and hence I really need guidance regarding that, I tried to search on Wikipedia but it's all gibberish to me ( i searched for wilsons theorem and didn't understand a spec of dust) I don't understand how do I even self study, I have a whole lot of book PDFs like you name the isi related book and I have it but I'm scared enough to not touch any, moreover self study seems like I'm being left behind. I really need guidance on how do I actually start and continue till the end cuz like should I go topic wise or is there a specific order in which I should start and everything someone who's from ISI must have faced a problem.
I know I'm bad at putting my thoughts to words, even now I feel the message is incomplete, I hope some of you get me and really help me as I don't want to financially burden my dad anymore, I will really appreciate some guidance/mentorship or if someone who cleared ISI could guide me (I'm on telegram), dayum I'm almost in tears.