u/SophiaKai

I have been brainstorming about my book a lot the last few days. Here is what I have thought about

Here is the current story background info:

Been doing a lot of brainstorming and rebuilding my story from scratch lately. My main character Prince Rai is from a country on the verge of financial collapse (no one knows just how critical the situation is except for his mom, the queen) Rai is a dragon, (he was adopted by the queen) and is summoned by the dragon counsel to mate with a female dragon. The reason for this is because a large tribe of dragon hunters has risen and things are not going well for the dragons. The counsel is calling on dragons from all over the world to help bolster troops and/or to take female dragons to another country where they can be protected while also helping to keep their species alive in case the dragon hunters win.

Rai's mother, Queen Orla urges him to do this, in hopes of gaining an ally that can help rebuild her economy. That doesn't work out though. Dragons don't have hordes like they used to, and younger dragons don't have hordes at all. No hordes = no money means Orla needs to find a different ally to get help from. Her solution is to try to marry Rai off to some princess somewhere.

Here's the messy mess: Before being summoned by the dragon counsel, Rai had found himself in a new relationship. He's then pulled away from them to go have a baby with a stranger. And then his mother tries to pull him away from both his romance partner and the dragon girl by arranging his marriage to Princess Asa.

So Rai is pulled in 3 different directions romantically. He has to choose between his heart, his species, and the future of his country.

Is this too messy? I know it will be a lot to juggle, but it makes brain go brrrrrr

We'll be doing a ren faire themed wedding in June! I'm so excited to start thrifting and crafting stuff!

My fiance has major anxiety around weddings, so I'm taking care of as much as I can. He's doing really well with giving me opinions on various things, but I'm trying to not overwhelm him.

Our guest list is tiny, and we don't really have a wedding party, which is fine. But I realized that I don't really have someone to gush to about ideas and such. I've told my chef and one of my close friends about the date and theme, because they live halfway across the country and need all the notice they can get. I'm just so excited and I want to tell everyone, but I must wait.

What's the difference between them and do I need both? I'm doing my own invitations and while I don't know exactly what save the dates are, they seem a bit redundant.

Yesterday I was driving home thinking about my book and remembered that I had a group of dragon hunters in a few previous versions of the story. And things just kinda clicked into place for me.

Rai, a half dragon who is the adopted son of a queen finds himself falling in love with a commoner. However, he is summoned to another country by the dragon counsel™️ and ordered to mate with and protect a female dragon. 30 years ago there was a war and dragons were hit with some biological weapons that only affected dragons and decimated their numbers. And now a group of dragon hunters has risen and are doing everything they can to kill dragons for their bones/meat/hide bc they believe consuming dragons makes them more powerful. Some also believe if you eat a dragon's heart it could extend your life for dozens, if not hundreds, of years.

I'm still being wishy washy on if I want Rai to be forced to mate with one dragon or several. He is royalty after all, and his birth mother was a great general in the dragon war (before she died) And she had more than one whelp. So all in all, Rai has some great genes. But he's just o.o please just let me deal with loving a commoner. I don't need more stress than this lol

The thing about me is that I am very clockable as queer. I was a substitute teacher for 3 years and worked as a para in a school for a year. Over that time I've had, at minimum, 10 kids come out to me. Several of them did so without having ever talked to me before. I apparently just radiate "safe adult for queer kids" vibes.

Today was my nephew's birthday party and I showed up in a rainbow skirt with rainbow heart tights. One of the older kids (family of my nephew's dad's family) came up to me near the end of the party and opens with "I take it you're not straight." I confirmed her assumption and she proceeded to come out to me and tell me all about her girlfriends and how one is trans and how she can't talk to her grandma about this bc her grandma is homophobic.

We had a 10-15 minute conversation during wich I was given the title of "Favorite Aunt." My nephew's sibling also joined in and said this is why I'm their favorite aunt as well.

I'm so happy and honored that I'm a safe space for so many baby gays. I wish I had ways to help them more than just being a sympathetic and caring ear

Had a long discussion with my fiance yesterday about the story/book that I've been playing around with for 20 years. He's got an English degree so he's a great source for advice for me.

Anyways, over the course of the discussion he helped me realize that my story, no matter which version of it I have, doesn't really have any tension, or much of a plot (which I've known for years, but sometimes it just be like that) or any true motivations for the characters or the world at large. And I, even after 20 years, don't know what I want to say with the story. He gave me a few suggestions, but I didn't have answers for most of them. So I'm working on coming to terms with that and just keeping these characters to play dolls with. Which, really, is what I've been doing for the last 20 years.

So. Now that we've taken a look at it objectively, it's clear that it's not actually a viable story. Which some part of me has known for years.

Aaannnyyyways now I need to dig my way out of my writing dry spell that I've had for over a year and find something new to explore

November will mark 20 years with these characters, and I still can't get their story down. I've tried dozens of different iterations, but nothing sticks. I don't know how their story ends. And maybe it doesn't. Maybe they will haunt me until I'm dead. But I try once more.

The only thing is. I've shared these characters and my heart with so many friends I've since lost. Working on this story is incredibly painful for me. I know that the answer should be not to work on it. To put it away somewhere that I can't see it and leave it there until my feelings aren't so tangled up in it.

I want to write a story though. I desperately miss getting to work on a project. I haven't had a viable idea in years. My last story was about a werewolf overcoming the grief of a lost spouse and finding love in someone new, but it hasn't been touched in a few years, even though it's the only story I've worked on that I know the ending to. In the last year I've only written a handful of random scenes that were never meant to go anywhere.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I really needed to get it off my chest. I hope posting here is okay.

School starts tomorrow and I feel like over the weekend I have started to reinvent myself. I am mostly a jeans/graphic tee kind of person with skirts and dresses mixed in. I have super sensitive skin so I don't wear makeup. But I looked up a couple of brands of sensitive skin friendly brands, went and got some blush and lipstick, got facial moisturizer and a face spray for people with acne. And today I got my nails done. I dunno, I feel like a different person and I feel like I'm pampering myself so much. It feels delightful and I'm excited about seeing this new me.

Just curious who you think it might be. I know the Baali and the Tzimisce are definitely into torture, but what about other clans?

She told me that I need to start making cards to sell. I have a bunch of card making stuff, but I've never actually made any cards. I've made lots of envelopes though lol

Any advice for a newbie?

I'm right on the cusp of being diagnosed, so I honestly forget that I have arfid. I'm not underweight, in fact I'm a bit overweight (according to my medical chart.) But I have food aversions, and some health anxiety. I often can't eat what my fiance makes for dinner, even if it's something I asked for specifically. Or, for example, if I'm eating something and I get one weird bite I can't finish my plate and likely can't eat anymore of the food at all. A lot of the time I can't eat something because it will make my gerd flare up. So I just kinda forget that I have arfid and chalk it up to me being "weird about food."

My fiance does all of the cooking because I often can't eat anything I cook. He is also the one to suggest I talk to my therapist about a possible eating disorder because I struggle with food so much. I was talking with his family last week about me being a "picky eater" and he chimed in to remind me that no, I'm not just a picky eater I actually have an eating disorder.

I'm lucky to be part of his family, because over the years they have gone out of their way to alter their cooking for me a lot. And fiance warns me of what they're making so that we can get other food for me if we need to.

And I have NEVER had so much fun with art. Drawing with pencil made me feel like everything I was doing was just mistake after mistake and I would get discouraged easily. I have probably 20+ physical how to draw books and have had some since childhood. But I have never made anything I like even a little.

One of my books is 900+ facial expressions and after my brother in law made me use some of his acrylic markers last week I broke out my own box that I've had for months and started drawing through the facial expression book. Idk what it is about the markers, but they're so freeing. I've been doing various other little pictures of whatever happens to inspire me as well.

I had to share my joy with more people. I am having the best time ever.

Are you a solely paper person? Do you work with watercolors a lot? Acrylic markers? Pigment powder? Alcohol markers? Something else? Let me know what your favorite medium is! I'm genuinely so curious

Okay, okay, I know that this is the norm for most people, but I've struggled with showering my whole life. I typically manage twice a week. Which isn't horrible in my opinion, but still. I often felt stinky and gross, but still struggled with taking a shower.

But 8 days ago I said I'm done with it and decided to start showering every day after I get out of bed. The last few days I've *really* wanted to skip the shower, but I've dragged myself in regardless. I can be grumpy about it and still be clean.

Next habit is getting up at a normal time again instead of sleeping until noon. (Yay for depression sleep!)

((I know this post makes me sound like a teenager or something, but I'm 33)) ;_;

I'm 33 and just returned to college for the 5th time. I took 2 summer courses to ease myself back in. My goal going into the summer semester was "Survive. Don't drop out, just survive." Not only did I not drop out, I did really well in my courses! I got an A in one of them and a high B in the other! I can't describe how proud of myself I am!

Bc that was absolutely me last night doing my final paper for Sociology. Was it good? Nope. Do I care? Also nope. So long as I pass the class I've done what I set out to do.