u/South-Green4190

This is purely a vent. I have no intention in coming after anyone who is trans or trying to offend anyone. I believe people should be able to express themselves the way they want, and this should be able to go both ways.

I’m intersex and it is the most lonely thing to ever burden me. I already feel like a freak being born this way, but the slap in the face is how nobody believes me and just defaults to labeling me as transgender in every situation. The label is not what I want for myself at all and I find it extremely frustrating to constantly be compared to it. This has been hell medically and with my family for years and years, and this week in particular has honestly just been horrible.

I’m hardly ever interested in dating because being like this is traumatic, but just a few days ago I decided to open up a little bit and try to get to know somebody. I haven’t even mentioned my condition in my profile because it’s such an insignificant piece about me that doesn’t matter in any context whatsoever and doesn’t clash with how I function or present in society, especially considering I’ve stated that I was not interested in anything sexual.

I was getting to know this woman and we had a lot of things in common and got along pretty well at first, until she brought up that being trans was a dealbreaker for her and that she “was skeptical” of me. That really fucking hurt to hear, and I haven’t even said anything yet.

I understand that some people have preferences and boundaries, so I tried to explain that I wasn’t trans, but that I also wanted to be fully transparent. I mentioned that I was intersex and explained that it was barely a part of how I functioned or presented.

The worst part though was that she actually didn’t care if I was just intersex, but she didn’t even believe me and just claimed it was most likely that I was trans and lying about it.

I have never felt so worthless in my entire life. I already feel like a disgusting and revolting freak and after so many encounters like this, it doesn’t even feel like I’m telling the truth anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to turn to. My family doesn’t believe me, and I’m terrified of telling my friends because if they also react this way, I am never going to be able to stand being around them ever again. I just want to run away and completely disappear from everyone’s lives.

It makes me sick to think that I will never find someone who will genuinely love me while also knowing this detail about me. The only people who will tolerate this are chasers that think I’m trans or people that I just straight up lie to constantly for the rest of my life.

I seriously feel at the end of my road. There isn’t a single person in my life that I can go to about this, hotlines just make me feel worse, and intersex spaces make me feel way too self conscious and uncomfortable with myself. It’s just miserable to understand that I will never get to live a normal life or have a normal relationship. Almost 20 years and I still don’t know how I could possibly ever live with myself.

It’s been so difficult to find male artist spaces, and the double standards and backlash you get for even just desiring to find one is depressing.

It’s rare I come across male anime artists, and I want to find a welcoming community with likeminded individuals to make more friends that are male. My experience so far with wanting to find other men in a “welcoming artist community for everyone” has not been pleasant and has only made me feel even more out of place. I have plenty of female artist friends, but no male artist friends. I’m not all that interested in purely nsfw centred art either.

I tried to make a post looking for friendly male spaces in artistlounge but it just got questioned then taken down immediately after.

Also if you’re just planning to come in here to start a gender war discussion or try to argue with me.. don’t, thank you. I’m honestly kind of worried and hesitant to post this at all because that stuff seems to be such a big trend right now.

It’s been almost a year now since I’ve applied to ODSP and none of my communications have been returned in MyBenefits. Is this normal?

On another note, I just turned in my DDP, really hoping for some luck on the outcome but I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up.