u/SpergoutSpencer

I've been dealing with intense anger for a pretty long time. I'd say I've been an angry person for almost a decade. Like when shit happens to me, instead of venting and letting it go, I think about it for hours after the fact. I internalize a lot of stuff and replay things in my head over and over again. I also think about things people have said to me and did to me in the past. I have hate in my heart for a lot of people and am pissed off I can't do anything to them now. My thoughts often become extreme and sometimes I feel like I can end someone irl if it comes to that. Like there was this one idiot who tried to start shit with me on the road and I wanted to blow his brains out so bad. Maybe someone can relate. I know I'm not mentally healthy. I don't really care lol.

I recently noticed I have developed a habit of thinking of the most horrible, worst-case scenarios. These thoughts primarily center around me getting injured and dying and how my parents would react to that. This brings me so much anxiety. Most of the anxiety comes from how they, or I, would react in the moment of that situation. Obviously you'd call 911. But would you risk it and try and drive to the hospital? How would you navigate traffic? Would you make it in time? Would it even matter if I made it in time? How would my parents react/deal with me dying?

The craziest part is none of this actually happened. A regular person would obviously tell me to stop thinking like that, but it has become a bad habit that has really kept me on edge for quite a while now. I don't know if anyone else has had a similar experience or not. Also I do not know if this is a symptom of underlying OCD or some form of anxiety disorder. I just hope this way of thinking just goes away.