u/Spinner4

As I look at their
Four little eyes looking up to me
I know the man
I want, and have to be

Somewhere along the way
I lost my integrity
But I regained it here
In a much truer reality

My tears flow down
Like baptism water for those into Christianity
But Jesus ain’t taking the wheel
My god; it’s all on me

I know I’m hard to love
For most, that's plain to see
But for some beautiful reason
Those two still choose me

Other than them
Life will be what life will be
Times been hard
I don’t need any more tragedy

Life goals
No longer include any sense of vanity
I don’t care about the rest
As long as I take care of us three

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/TSTYphsVX1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/urWTljSXs7

I feel time slipping away,
But all I want to do is watch it pass.
I see the days of my life slip by,
Through everyone else’s hourglass.

I look at what I have become,
I am both proud and disgraced.
I worked so hard, I ran so fast,
But somehow ended up two-faced.

As a man, I’ve told a thousand lies,
And now I see how hard I fell.
The fire burning inside me is real,
I learned those lessons well.

I went in with all of my heart,
From the green, to red, to black.
While I fought in my corner alone,
The world came, put me under attack.

Always standing on defense,
Was I right, or was I wrong?
Was I only looking out for myself?
Is my life just a sad, sad song?

The only way out is to lose it all
I already lost my muse
Burn the rest down, build a new wall.
The Tarot cards gave me some clues

Cut her from my memory,
Clear her out, find someone new.
For that, I'll need all my energy,
Bring my heart back to red instead of blue.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2zcVnNcXtK

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2zcVnNcXtK

Like all the young dudes, I used to dream the world was right,
But as I grew older, I turned grey, not white.
I’m sorry, Joni—I tried to see both sides,
But just as the Boss said, the Gypsy lied.

A life that was grey has turned my world to black,
And sadly, it's easy to see: I'm not coming back.
This was not the blueprint I visioned when I was young;
I didn’t know my strength rose looking down the barrel of a gun.

I’m sick of running in circles, ending up at the start,
Lost my hope to reality; love will tear us apart.
I staxed my hope, tried a little Tenderness,
But nothing feels good through all this Bitterness.

Made it through a year of cheap regrets,
Dancing in a room made of gray silhouettes.
I reckon my world is a jigsaw, with pieces that just won’t fit,
The beast and the dragon, twisted to divine fits.

For forty days I told myself, she’s the one for me,
She’d welcome me in, dry the rain, and let it be.
I prayed she’d answer to that London call,
But did she stand by me? No, not at all.

Turns out she was just a special pretender,
Who did me dirty like a Ryder, on a storm of a bender.
I hope the ice breaks in the heartland under her feet,
Fall thru like a pretty piano that’s sour and suite.

Since then, disappearing ink runs up and down my arm,
A case of Brain Damage, leaves a quiet, ringing alarm.
Now there's a heavy clampdown on all my wildest dreams,
Hoping that the killing moon will hear my viloent screams.

As I remembered anger is a gift and can be power
It’s a myth that other people are my wildflower.

Heartbreak, nada, no mas, no more;
I’m just a paper boat treading water, tryin to let go.

***I hope you get these nuggets. Lots of layers here with a lot of references. I need to clean up the flow

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1hncR4cu3f

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/sq8RdspKVU

I saw you in my dreams last night.
A different shape, a different sight.
It was you from a life before,
The one who loved me to my core.

You told me why you came that way,
The face now wakes that painful day
We do not always lose our light,
Because in most, we get it right

You promised me we'd meet again.
If not this life, just wait till when
For we are meant for one another,
Though in this life we missed each other.

But when it happens, the world is pure,
Our broken hearts are now secure.
I'll hold you close, your lips are mine,
When we rewrite all of space and time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uqAUadhLqY

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/l0axQdAwXd

So basically, I wrote a story and it was okay. Not great. Something was missing. We’ve all probably been there.

Then one Sunday afternoon, I was cleaning the house and popped in my earbuds. Looking for something different to listen to, I randomly selected Led Zeppelin I. Not sure why, it’s probably not even in my top four Zeppelin albums, and the band hasn’t been a go-to for me in years. But as I listened to the album from start to finish, I realized the tracking was perfectly in sync with my story.

It occurred to me: Why not make the story a play? Specifically, a script structured around the music, turned into somewhat of a musical. two ideas I have never written and generally don’t even like, though I love music. But the idea took over. I wrote the whole thing in a matter of days. I left the world behind, totally unable to comprehend life outside of the script until it was done. I hope some of you have been there, where it feels like the story is writing itself and you’re just its slave.

Anyways The play is called "Good Times Bad Times" and it reads dam well or at least, I think it does. To be clear, it has nothing to do with the band itself. It’s about a man, an affair, and the world that tears him apart.

What I need help with is a partner give some feedback on what I have already, to help me clean it up, and add more dialogue. Because I wrote it in a dream state, I hit a point where I just wanted it to end, so the final act is definitely rushed. I need help tightening the ending.

If we click, I’m already planning the follow up based on Zeppelin II, tentatively titled "Heartbreaker."

Dm if the this sounds like something you’d like to try and I’ll send you the first few parts. I’d like the person to at least know the music but it’s not a must.

Venus and Jupiter open up the night,

As they pass Gemini, close in flight.

I see you in worlds so distant and far

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

I’d sell my soul to be with you for eternity in the sky,

To watch you burn bright as the ages go by.

I see you, Virgo. I see you, Spica.

Your headman is here, ready to fight for ya.

I, Arcturus, hold the point through the shade,

As the night brings the clouds and our visions fade.

Our love in the shadows will not be loud;

You don’t see me past the crowd.

I’ll face the cold fear in the dark of the gray,

But I will fight on for another day.

For when we burn clear, we show love's intent,

Communication opens, and messages are sent.

When the baseline is steady, the world is made right,

And nothing can keep you away from me that night.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/6SpuKcoqBc

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jKrfHci81U

Venus and Jupiter open up the night,
As they pass Gemini, close in flight.
I see you in worlds so distant and far
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
I’d sell my soul to be with you for eternity in the sky,
To watch you burn bright as the ages go by.
I see you, Virgo. I see you, Spica.
Your headman is here, ready to fight for ya.
I, Arcturus, hold the point through the shade,
As the night brings the clouds and our visions fade.
Our love in the shadows will not be loud;
You don’t see me past the crowd.
I’ll face the cold fear in the dark of the gray,
But I will fight on for another day.
For when we burn clear, we show love's intent,
Communication opens, and messages are sent.
When the baseline is steady, the world is made right,
And nothing can keep you away from me that night.