u/SpiralingMental

My most recent theme has been based around morals and being a “good” person. I am autistic and I have trouble picking up on sarcasm and fine details in peoples speech and this had lead me to follow/repost things online that were actually bad.

I had a TikTok account I deleted a while ago but for some reason I’ve fixated on the fact of “what if I had reposted something immoral because I didn’t understand it at the time and never got a chance to explain it to the people that followed me.”

It’s dumb because someone would have told me/I would’ve caught it looking back on it and since the account is deleted, no one can see if I did or not. But I’m driving myself crazy over this.

But on the bright side, since there is nothing I can do it’s like free ERP, right?

A lot of OCD apps simply didn’t work for me as they are mostly journal and prompt based and I struggle with actually doing things (gotta love adhd).

I’ve tried ocd.app and didn’t like it but I did notice the activities on there helped me put a stop to ruminating for a bit. I’ve also tried Finch which is cute but it’s mostly sitting and waiting, I like it better as a to do list rather than a resource.

Is it normal for any progress you’ve made to just be gone the next morning? I’ll feel like I’ve done a lot in terms of resisting rumination etc, but every so often I’m thrown right back into it and whatever I learned before doesn’t work.

The best way I can describe it is that my mind quickly learns what calms me down and how I’m going about dealing with it and adapts to it. A couple of months ago breathing exercises helped me a lot for about a week and then became useless one day. I’ve also found some ways to “talk back” (things like “it may or may not.” “Who knows?”) to my thoughts but I can tell my anxiety symptoms get stronger the more I try. There are a lot of examples.

My “obsessions” also change at a scary fast pace so it is incredibly difficult to keep up. They are all real event based which makes it even worse.

I feel like I’m pushing a boulder up a hill and at every sunrise, the boulder rolls back down the hill and flattens me. How do I persevere through it all?

I had EmuDeck downloaded for a while and I don’t think I ever downloaded/updated Cemu at any point but I definitely never played anything through it. I also factory reset my Deck around the 12th even before I found out about the malware.

Am I in the clear?

I had EmuDeck downloaded for a while and I don’t think I ever downloaded/updated Cemu at any point but I definitely never played anything through it. I also factory reset my Deck around the 12th even before I found out about the malware.

Am I in the clear?

All I do is ruminate and it’s so hard to stop. It something new every day, yesterday it was something cringy I did years ago, today I’m panicking over looking up a post to report it after ruminating about it after seeing it because I’m afraid of the poster finding out, tomorrow it’ll be something else.

All of the popular coping skills don’t really work for me and I’m frustrated. Everyone says to “stop” ruminating and to not engage or entertain the thoughts, but just to sit with them. How does one not engage with something their brain does automatically? Sleeping is the only concrete thing I know helps, but my brain goes into overdrive when my eyes open.

I want to try medication again to see if it’ll help me get to a point where therapy and coping skills help even though my past experiences with it was horrible. My last psychiatrist wasn’t very good and gave me stuff that made me worse, but I still have hope theres something out there that’ll work.