u/Spiritual-Bar-6009

Just wanted to share my excitement. 35 yo Austrian guy here. And finally I started my glider training after thinking about it for so many years. 3 flights in, and I think I’m hooked.

But I can also see there’s a lot of work ahead - particularly getting the control inputs right to make the aircraft do what I want seemed a bit tricky at first, but I think I will get the hang of it.

Hallo zusammen,
gleich mal vorweg - das ist kein Ragebait oder Scherz, sondern ernst gemeint. Bitte auch um entsprechend ernst gemeinte Antworten.

Ich bin 35 (m), wohne in Wien und komme aus einem normalen Elternhaus aus der - ich würde sagen - unteren Mittelschicht aus einer ländlichen Gegend in Österreich.

Ich habe nach dem Studium einige gute berufliche Entscheidungen getroffen und verdiene mittlerweile etwas mehr als 100k brutto im Jahr. (Entspricht nem Jahresnetto von ca. 65.000€)

Durch strikte Ausgabenkontrolle und recht unverändertem Lebensstandard gegenüber meinen 20ern habe ich mittlerweile ne Vermögenssumme von ca. 100.000€ (angelegt ca. 90%, Barvermögen 10%) zur Seite legen können. Außerdem besitze ich ein Auto das noch ca. 25k wert ist.

Ich wohne zur unbefristeten Miete (750€ im Monat) und fühle mich in meiner Wohnung wohl, der Mietzins ist bis min. 2036 gedeckelt und darf nur nach Indexanpassungen erhöht werden (keine freie Mietzinsbildung). Meine monatlichen Gesamtausgaben belaufen sich ca. auf 2.500€.

In letzter Zeit und nach nem schlechten Erlebnis im letzten Job (ich wurde mehr oder weniger gekündigt, lt. ehemaligem Chef wegen Performance - aber hatte zur damaligen Zeit auch ein paar psychische Probleme) habe ich immer öfter Angst, dass ich meinen Lebensstandard nicht halten kann und Angst vor Jobverlust. Mein neuer Chef sagt mir er ist sehr happy mit meiner Arbeit und hat eigentlich nichts auszusetzen, aber irgendwie hat die Erfahrung im letzten Job Spuren hinterlassen. Ich arbeite mittlerweile zu viel, aus Angst meinen Job zu verlieren - obwohl es realistisch betrachtet keine Gründe dafür geben würde. Auch mein Chef sagt ich solle etwas mehr auf meine Work-Life Balance schauen.

Ich merke irgendwie das je höher meine Ersparnisse klettern, desto unruhiger werde ich innerlich was finanzielle Abstiegsangst und Jobverlust betrifft.

Hat jemand ähnliche Erfahrungen gemacht, und wenn ja - wie bist du damit umgegangen?

Freue mich über Kommentare und möglicherweise neue Perspektiven.

Liebe Grüße!

m 35, live in a bigger European city. So far my romantic life has been more of an accumulation of endless inconsequential hookups and one longer relationship (4 years which ended 12 years ago, and that was nothing I would call love today) and some guys who became friends.

Last December I met this guy. In a place I least expected to meet him. In another city in a neighboring country.

Until him, I actually started to believe that something is wrong with me. I believed that I’m not capable of feeling love or being loved. It started to take a toll on me.

This guy, let’s call him V., came with a big set of problems and complications. He moved to Europe from another continent, from a country he desperately loves but also needed to get out because there was no future for him. He met this guy there who asked him to marry him, and for him this was his chance to get a visa and leave. So he did.

The marriage between him and his husband is loveless, long story short - his husband is 10 years older than him (in his mid 40s) and a typical party muscle gay. In my opinion and from what I know, he treats him like a little trophy and has big emotional and empathy issues. They’re also not physical with each other because his hb is not interested in sex with him, but rather with anonymous guys at sex parties which isn’t V’s thing. (that however changed when the husband started realizing that I’m a threat). But this story is not about their marriage.

We met, and from moment one there was something special. Something I never felt before…for anyone.

During our first two nights he showed me how raw he was, how broken inside, and how desperately trapped in his situation - and for some reason this triggered something deep inside me.

We talked every day after I I left his city and he started visiting me. He took buses for 9 hours to see me, sometimes only for 3 days. When he was with me I was happier than I ever felt before, when he left again I felt more desperate than ever. During his first visit to my city he told me he loved me. I said it back, because I felt it - for the first time in my life.

One of the big big problems for me was that I didn’t see a realistic path forward for us. He was married, without a real career and dependent on his husband for the foreseeable future. I wished for nothing more than having him with me and build a life with him, but because of all the logistical complications (his marriage, him not having a visa for my country, his visa being dependent on his husband, him having no money of his own atm, his anxiety issues and it keeping him from becoming more stable) it seemed like an impossible situation.

We kept it going for 4 months. I was happier and at the same time more desperate than ever.

I told him I struggle with the situation, he did too - but I think he couldn’t fully grasp how desperate I felt. He said I visited you multiple times (3x) so he doesn’t fully understand my emotions. But for me, it wasn’t enough. I loved this guy, and not having him with me was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

I struggled with all of it. The distance, the uncertainty, his problems that started to feel like they‘re becoming my problems too. I was carrying the emotional weight of another person with me at this point, and believe me, he had a lot to carry.

One day, I found myself so desperate I went to dinner with another guy and we started getting physical later. I stopped it mid way (we were in bed doing stuff to be clear), because I couldn’t stop thinking about him once that rush left my brain. I just couldn’t.

I told V. the next day what happened. He was hurt, very much. I think what hurt him most was that it was somewhat planned (I took prep before the encounter in case something happens, which I also admitted to him). He blocked me. There was no chance for me to end it in a proper way and tell him that what happened wasn’t a reflection on him (he has very low self esteem, even though I think he is the most beautiful man, inside and out) but rather a result of my emotional hopelessness. I got to tell him that I’m very sorry and that I had to tell him because I care deeply for him, and I couldn’t keep a secret like this from him.

I accept his decision to end communication, he needs to heal and honestly, I somehow think it’s for the best. I told him:“Our tragedy is: we‘re the right people at the wrong time.“

And I mean that: I think this guy was my first true love. Raw, beautiful, painful. And I’m very sorry I hurt him. Deeply sorry.

The most important thing i can take away from it is learnings: I am capable of love (big one!), I can be loved (another big one), and I will never, ever get myself into a hopeless situation with a married guy again. I also don’t want to go back to meaningless encounters anymore.

Anyone who had similar/comparable situations? How did you cope with your first love that came and left a little later in live? Did it change your path and look at things?

I‘m 35, live in a bigger European city. So far my romantic life has been more of an accumulation of endless inconsequential hookups and one longer relationship (4 years which ended 12 years ago, and that was nothing I would call love today) and some guys who became friends.

Last December I met this guy. In a place I least expected to meet him. In another city in a neighboring country.

Until him, I actually started to believe that something is wrong with me. I believed that I’m not capable of feeling love or being loved. It started to take a toll on me.

This guy, let’s call him V., came with a big set of problems and complications. He moved to Europe from another continent, from a country he desperately loves but also needed to get out because there was no future for him. He met this guy there who asked him to marry him, and for him this was his chance to get a visa and leave. So he did.

The marriage between him and his husband is loveless, long story short - his husband is 10 years older than him (in his mid 40s) and a typical party muscle gay. In my opinion and from what I know, he treats him like a little trophy and has big emotional and empathy issues. They’re also not physical with each other because his hb is not interested in sex with him, but rather with anonymous guys at sex parties which isn’t V’s thing. (that however changed when the husband started realizing that I’m a threat). But this story is not about their marriage.

We met, and from moment one there was something special. Something I never felt before…for anyone.

During our first two nights he showed me how raw he was, how broken inside, and how desperately trapped in his situation - and for some reason this triggered something deep inside me.

We talked every day after I I left his city and he started visiting me. He took buses for 9 hours to see me, sometimes only for 3 days. When he was with me I was happier than I ever felt before, when he left again I felt more desperate than ever. During his first visit to my city he told me he loved me. I said it back, because I felt it - for the first time in my life.

One of the big big problems for me was that I didn’t see a realistic path forward for us. He was married, without a real career and dependent on his husband for the foreseeable future. I wished for nothing more than having him with me and build a life with him, but because of all the logistical complications (his marriage, him not having a visa for my country, his visa being dependent on his husband, him having no money of his own atm, his anxiety issues and it keeping him from becoming more stable) it seemed like an impossible situation.

We kept it going for 4 months. I was happier and at the same time more desperate than ever.

I told him I struggle with the situation, he did too - but I think he couldn’t fully grasp how desperate I felt. He said I visited you multiple times (3x) so he doesn’t fully understand my emotions. But for me, it wasn’t enough. I loved this guy, and not having him with me was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

I struggled with all of it. The distance, the uncertainty, his problems that started to feel like they‘re becoming my problems too. I was carrying the emotional weight of another person with me at this point, and believe me, he had a lot to carry.

One day, I found myself so desperate I went to dinner with another guy and we started getting physical later. I stopped it mid way, because I couldn’t stop thinking about him once that rush left my brain. I just couldn’t.

I told V. the next day what happened. He was hurt, very much. I think what hurt him most was that it was somewhat planned (I took prep before the encounter in case something happens, which I also admitted to him). He blocked me. There was no chance for me to end it in a proper way and tell him that what happened wasn’t a reflection on him (he has very low self esteem, even though I think he is the most beautiful man, inside and out) but rather a result of my emotional hopelessness. I got to tell him that I’m very sorry and that I had to tell him because I care deeply for him, and I couldn’t keep a secret like this from him.

I accept his decision to end communication, he needs to heal and honestly, I somehow think it’s for the best. I told him:“Our tragedy is: we‘re the right people at the wrong time.“

And I mean that: I think this guy was my first true love. Raw, beautiful, painful. And I’m very sorry I hurt him. Deeply sorry.

The most important thing i can take away from it is learnings: I am capable of love (big one!), I can be loved (another big one), and I will never, ever get myself into a hopeless situation with a married guy again. I also don’t want to go back to meaningless encounters anymore.

Just needed to get it out guys. Maybe someone can relate.