u/SplitLow8043

My parents have a very toxic relationship. They came to the US when me and my sister were younger. For the first couple of years everything was okay, until later on my father started gambling.

Now even before his gambling issue, my father had anger problems and was not a pleasant man, him and my mother would always fight and my mother suffered a lot with him. Still she chose to come with him to the US so that she doesn’t leave us.

My mother, a housewife who doesn’t speak English couldn’t do much but have patience.
After my father got into gambling we got evicted and things started going downhill from then on.

After i turned 17, i started becoming responsible of taking over the household because my father slowly let go of his responsibilities. I was always tied between my fear of losing our home again and between my mother who blamed me for enabling my father and paying the bills.

I felt lost and didn’t know what to do, slowly i started seeing how my father was manipulating me to pay for everything at such a young age. I used to go to college and work and at one point i had no rest, still my father had no empathy.

I am now 27, nothing had changed. The more responsibilities i took the worse it became. I felt a lot of betrayal from my family because no one understands my pain. I didn’t choose this, but i had to do it because i couldn’t trust my father.
Now my mother always tells me that i need to do something about it and saying that i need to kick my father out. How could she ask me for such a thing? I understand her frustration with him, i am just as frustrated but in our religion and culture i can’t see myself doing this and letting my father out in the street. I am so exhausted and lost

If you were in my position, and have faced so much manipulation from your father who even after seeing you suffering wouldn’t throw a penny at you, would you leave him even if that meant facing backlash from people and maybe your father having nowhere to go after he left his country and home to take you overseas for a better future?

Ps: he claims that he brought us here for a better future. The thing is i suffered so much in this country and i’m yet to see the bright future he talks about

My parents have a very toxic relationship. They came to the US when me and my sister were younger. For the first couple of years everything was okay, until later on my father started gambling.

Now even before his gambling issue, my father had anger problems and was not a pleasant man, him and my mother would always fight and my mother suffered a lot with him. Still she chose to come with him to the US so that she doesn’t leave us.

My mother, a housewife who doesn’t speak English couldn’t do much but have patience.
After my father got into gambling we got evicted and things started going downhill from then on.

After i turned 17, i started becoming responsible of taking over the household because my father slowly let go of his responsibilities. I was always tied between my fear of losing our home again and between my mother who blamed me for enabling my father and paying the bills.

I felt lost and didn’t know what to do, slowly i started seeing how my father was manipulating me to pay for everything at such a young age. I used to go to college and work and at one point i had no rest, still my father had no empathy.

I am now 27, nothing had changed. The more responsibilities i took the worse it became. I felt a lot of betrayal from my family because no one understands my pain. I didn’t choose this, but i had to do it because i couldn’t trust my father.
Now my mother always tells me that i need to do something about it and saying that i need to kick my father out. How could she ask me for such a thing? I understand her frustration with him, i am just as frustrated but in our religion and culture i can’t see myself doing this and letting my father out in the street. I am so exhausted and lost

There is so much that we suffered because of my father and his addictions, for years he put us through eviction, humiliation within the community, my mother lost her health, i could go on and on

If you were in my position, and have faced so much manipulation from your father who even after seeing you suffering wouldn’t throw a penny at you, would you leave him even if that meant facing backlash from people and maybe your father having nowhere to go after he left his country and home to take you overseas for a better future?

Ps: he claims that he brought us here for a better future. The thing is i suffered so much in this country and i’m yet to see the bright future he talks about

I come from a family of immigrants, my father lost himself in addictions. Sometimes i feel pain for him because he left his country, his family, and everything he had to come to America with his family.
My father was a toxic man even before we immigrated but once we moved to the US he turned to gambling and alcohol to numb his pain and started becoming financially irresponsible. His actions have caused a lot of pain for us and made us go through so much suffering. We got evicted, lost everything, i started working at 18 to pay rent because he wouldn’t.
It has only gotten worse from then, now that i am 27 i feel like i have nothing in life because i cared only about my family, payed rent, buying food, basically taking over my father’s responsibilities. This of course caused a lot of resentment because i felt alone and struggled a lot but still put myself through college and was able to get a bachelors degree.

Sometimes i feel empathy towards my father because he is alone and we don’t really talk to him since he doesn’t want to help at all with household necessities and keeps waiting on my to handle everything, the thing is after all that i do he still emotionally abuses me even though i tried to get close to him by taking him to all his appointments and taking care of his health, but out of nowhere he got mad and told me i am not his daughter. I felt hurt and betrayed and decided to not speak to him anymore or serve him the food we cook, but inside i feel bad and don’t know if i am doing something wrong since he is my father and he’s going through addiction.
At the same time i feel exhausted by his actions, he’s always putting us through rough times because of his addiction to gambling, his car would break down and he would wait for me to give him money knowing that i am paying for everything, i am lost and tired.

Should i have empathy and forgiveness or are my feelings valid and instead stay away from him to avoid being manipulated and used when he needs me financially?