u/Spurioun

Hey everyone. Long time lurker, first time poster. I'm currently 33 and live in Ireland. On my birthday last year, I went out of town to stay the night at a friend's house to drink, smoke weed, barbecue, and play video games. All in all, it was a fun day. I drank a LOT, which is not uncommon for myself and many of the other people I know in Ireland. It's really baked into the culture. In America, the big thing for friends or colleagues to do seems to be going out to dinner or going out for coffee. Not in Ireland. Most of our socialising takes place in pubs or sessions at a mate's house. Alcohol is almost always the thing at the centre of social events and it's rarely just one or two drinks.

I first noticed an issue when, at my friend's house, we had spent hours drinking and grilling on the bbq and I had completely lost my appetite. I hadn't eaten a single thing all day but the thought of eating anything made me feel nauseous. So, after some more beers, more whisky, and more weed, I finally fell asleep in his spare room.

I woke up the next day feeling like death. I managed to choke down some leftover sausages and a shot of whisky, and then had to start the very long trip back home in a haze. It was a bank holiday weekend and all of the public transport was a mess, especially in the small village I was stranded in. I was far too fragile to wait around for 4 hours for the next train or bus so I got a pint at the pub to try to mellow the hangover a little. After a long, irrelevant ordeal, I ended up finding someone to split a taxi with, as they also were stranded and needed to get close to where I needed to be. The relevant bit though, is I picked up a naggin of whisky first because I knew my hangover was going to kick my ass when I got home and I wanted to put it off as long as possible.

I finally got home and got drunk again. The next morning I was more physically ill than I've ever been in my life. I was throwing up, I could hardly move, I had terrible shakes, I couldn't regulate my body temperature, and was constantly in a cold sweat. Like sweat soaking through my clothes and into the bedsheets. The worst part was the extreme, crippling anxiety I was feeling. I had been suffering pretty badly with anxiety in the past, but had gotten it under control and hadn't really felt it for a couple of years before this. I still hadn't really eaten and I couldn't hold down any food or water. My fiancé had to take care of me because she thought I had the flu. To be honest, I did too because I've never experienced anything like it. After about 2 days I was able to keep down cottage cheese and other easy foods like oranges. After another 2 days I was mostly over it but still pretty weak from lack of eating.

Anyway, things go back to normal. I continued to go out drinking after work with friends and colleagues. Every few days I'd bring home a bottle of wine or spirits and use that to zone out after work. I had always drank a lot before all this but I had been able to rationalise it by saying that many people here drink too much and that at least I'm a happy drunk. I never got aggressive and was almost always in a good, social mood while drunk. This became constant though. I was drunk almost every night. Over time, this became 2 bottles per night, making sure to have extra left for some hair of the dog the next morning. I was spiraling but still rationalising it in my head. Basically deciding that I did have a dependency but that I was one of the "functional" ones.

Welp, it was getting close to my wedding and I was stressed. Not about getting married, but just all the stress of organising everything leading up to it. One weekend I had the place to myself, so I decided to really binge. I think I probably went through a litre and a half of vodka per day for 3 days. Drunk for 3 days straight. Like, messy drunk. No real food, just vodka and the occasional slice of cold pizza. I was disgusting. And of course, I ended up back in bed after. Sweating, shaking, throwing up, heart pounding out of my chest, unable to eat or sleep. This lasted almost a week.

At that point, I made up the excuse to my fiancé that it was just my anxiety coming back and that I must have developed an intolerance to alcohol. I told her that I had only had a drink or two and that's what left me bedridden. I promised her that I would quit drinking until after the wedding. And I did. I went an entire month without a single drink. It was difficult, but I managed it (there are like 3 pubs on every single street around where I live). So I figured I'd be fine if I had the occasional drink going forward. I ended up drinking on our wedding night. Nothing too crazy, and my wife was fine with it because, according to me, that month long detox was enough for me to get over whatever was happening with my anxiety.

I did pretty alright for a while after that. Only drinking occasionally and socially. That lasted a few months before I was back to a bottle or two per night. Then those really bad withdrawals started back up. I'd stay drunk for two or three days straight and then be stuck in bed for the next three. I work from home most of the time, but still had to take sick leave a few times per month because I was incapable of even pretending to work from bed some days.

All that was very, very bad. My work was suffering. My mental and physical health was suffering. And now, I wasn't even behaving happy and sociable while drunk. I was getting depressed. I didn't want my new marriage to suffer, and it was getting very difficult to hide my addiction. So I finally came clean to my wife. I didn't go into too much detail because I didn't want her to worry, but I told her that I was an alcoholic and that I needed to quit drinking permanently. I went to a local AA meeting. It was OK. I can see the appeal for some people but I didn't really want to regularly go, but it's nice to know that the meetings are held right down the road from my house if I'm ever really struggling.

That was all about 3 months ago. The hardest part about it has actually just been the social aspect. Like I said before, almost all socialising in my country revolves around drinking. This has led to 2 minor relapses so far but after the last one, I have decided that I am completely, absolutely, 100% done with drinking. Missing out on hanging out with my coworkers after work is a very small price to pay for keeping my wife, my job, and my health.

And you know what? I feel SO good. My head is clearer. I have so much more energy and motivation. I've found that I have so much more time to do things. Before, I'd wake up early, go to work, come home, and then basically use alcohol to timetravel to the next morning, where the cycle would start again. Now, I'm going for walks after work. I'm cooking more. I'm reading more. It's great. And whenever I'm tempted, I just remind myself of all that.

Anyway, I guess I'm posting this as a way of staying accountable to myself. I couldn't get into AA because all they do in those meetings is talk about God and how much he helps them (even though the majority of people in there are fresh off a binge, so God couldn't be helping them that much). I don't believe in a god, and half of the 12 steps involve God in some way. But the thinking that's being painted over with all that god stuff is valid. Admitting that you have a problem is the first thing you need to do in order to get better. And that's what I've been doing. I've been doing it with my friends, my family, and now you. My "higher power" is all the positive things in my life. It makes it a lot more difficult for that lizard part of my brain to convince me that one drink won't hurt. One drink doesn't hurt everyone, but it hurts me. I've accepted that that's just how I'm wired. Some people can stop at one or two. I can't, and it's as simple as that.

Last night I joined my wife and her work friends at the pub for a birthday. It was like 30°C out and our house doesn't have AC, so hiding out in a dark pub until things cooled down sounded like a good idea. And I'm extremely proud of myself because I managed to spend 3 hours there, surrounded by people drinking, and I only drank non-alcoholic beers. I didn't even really crave the buzz from an alcoholic drink. And, as a result, I've woken up this morning in a good mood, and a clear head. I've gotten work done, did a load of dishes, and later I'll have dinner ready for when my beautiful wife comes home. I got lucky that I've managed to realise what was going on before it permanently destroyed my life.

I could go on and on about my drinking problem and how it evolved but if anyone else is having an issue with alcohol or if anything I've mentioned sounds familiar to you, just know that it can get better. You need to accept that you have a problem and then really commit to trading what little happiness alcohol might be giving you with all the benefits that stopping provides. It sucks to be an addict. It can seem impossible to get yourself right. But it is possible, even if it requires you to seek help from friends, family, professionals, or even strangers online. It might feel embarrassing or shameful to admit it to yourself and others, but that is such a temporary feeling, like ripping off a band-aid. You owe it to yourself and those around you to do the work. You deserve better and it isn't too late.

I've lived in Ireland for most of my life, but I was born in Northern Michigan and lived there for a lot of my childhood. I wore a lot of moccasins as a kid and, recently, started to miss them after I realised how rare they are to see in Ireland. I found a pair I really like online and ordered them. They have brown leather laces, with matching brown leather around the collar and lace holes. The rest of the shoe is a dark green suede.

I love them... but I have no idea what to wear with them. The weather typically isn't super warm here most of the time, so I generally wear long trousers and blazers. Most of the photos I see online have people using them as boating shoes, and pair them with shorts and kind of preppy sea-themed outfits.

They're pretty low and are a similar cut to a kind of shoe you wouldn't wear visible socks with... but my style doesn't really work sockless (I think).

So yeah, how can I dress semi-formal, with green moccasins? Do I wear socks? What kind/colour? What type of trousers, shirts, and jackets would do well with them, and would only specific colours work?

I'd really appreciate the help, because I'd love to start wearing these. Thanks!