u/Square-Wing-6273

Mom has a doctor's appt today, just a follow up with her GP. She had chemo Tuesday, talked to Dad Tuesday, she was a little sick. Talked to Dad Wednesday, she was sick in the morning but feeling better. Ask if he wants me to go with them today for the Dr. Nope, he can do it. Great. Family member was going to stop this morning but he said no, because I would be there. What? I asked, you said no.

So, 8am, I'm at work, Dad texts, are you coming over this morning? I tell him I'm at work, but I can be there to go to the appt. Call other family member and she can be here tomorrow, perfect, I can work from home today and go into the office tomorrow.

I get here, and find out Dad doesn't feel good, and Mom is scolding me because he can't do it all. No shit, Mom, but we all work and we are trying to figure it out. And she's fucking yelling at me because we aren't figuring it out fast enough.

I say other family member will be here tomorrow and she said she can stay all day after her morning meeting. And she scoffs. Like she expects it to just be me.

I get it, this is hard, on both of them. But I talked to Dad, he said he didn't need me. I always tell him to call if he needs something, I'll get it figured out. But you can't tell me you don't need me, cancel another family member because I'll be here, when you told me I didn't have to be.

So, now I'll go smile and figure it all out.

Grrrrr

this is a first for our family. Mom has cancer. We are sitting here waiting for her first infusion. She's sad, scared. Dad is scared, sad, stressed.

How do I help encourage and buoy their spirits. I'm sad, scared, stressed too, but I don't want them to feel this way. I'm particularly worried about Dad, who is with her all the time (family comes over often too). But he's never had to deal with anything kike this. They've been married 58 years.

I don't know how to help outside of the actual caretaking.

Posted in r/CancerFamilySupport, but thought I might get some insight from you lovely folks as well.

Mom was recently diagnosed, adenocarcinoma in her esophagus.

Received the diagnosis, had the pet scan, meet with the oncologist, he referred to a surgeon, met with him. Met the surgeon Thursday, he was going to talk with oncologist and get a plan going. Before that happened, she was in the ED Monday (could no longer even get liquids down). So surgery, feeding tube, port.

We start some sort of chemo/Immuno therapy Tuesday. I'm just wondering what we can expect Tuesday. I know it's a 24 hour chemo feed, so she'll be going home with it. And they said it would be a few hours in the doctors office before she can go home.

I just have no idea what to expect when we are there. This is all new to us, I have zero experience and an learning as I go.

What should I take with us? She'll have her feeding bag with us, bit what else? I know a blanket and my trusty notebook, but I'm wondering, for those with experience, what can I expect.

I know all experiences are different, but feeling very lost today

Mom was recently diagnosed, adenocarcinoma in her esophagus.

Received the diagnosis, had the pet scan, meet with the oncologist, he referred to a surgeon, met with him. Met the surgeon Thursday, he was going to talk with oncologist and get a plan going. Before that happened, she was in the ED Monday (could no longer even get liquids down). So surgery, feeding tube, port.

We start some sort of chemo/Immuno therapy Tuesday. I'm just wondering what we can expect Tuesday. I know it's a 24 hour chemo feed, so she'll be going home with it. And they said it would be a few hours in the doctors office before she can go home.

I just have no idea what to expect when we are there. This is all new to us, I have zero experience and an learning as I go.

What should I take with us? She'll have her feeding bag with us, bit what else? I know a blanket and my trusty notebook, but I'm wondering, for those with experience, what can I expect.

I know all experiences are different, but feeling very lost today

Fair warning; this is probably going to be a rambler; apologies in advance.

A month ago, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Obligatory fuck cancer here.

I immediately jumped in to help with her care; she has ALWAYS been the caretaker - it's in her nature. She cared for her parents, my Dad's parents, us, my dad, other various relatives and friends, whatever. She isn't happy when she isn't the caretake. Dad is great, but this is all so out of his wheelhouse. So, I said I'll go with you to appointments. I'll keep track of all the BS stuff. And, truth be told, I'll be able to understand all the things you guys won't. OK, fine, no big deal.

Meet with doctors, have a treatment plan, we are good to go. We know that she's likely going to have to go to the ED and get admitted for IV fluids and probably a feeding tube. All is good. So, this happens, we go to the ED and it starts. She's impatient (I get it). She doesn't want to be there (I get it). She doesn't feel good and wants to go home (I get it). So now, I have to be the hard ass (which honestly, suits me just fine). But she's getting snippy with me. At the end of the day, it's funny, because it's exactly how she acted with her Mom, and how her Mom acted with her, but now the shoe is on the other foot.

I'll be at the hospital all day tomorrow (surgery) and then hopefully we'll be able to start chemo soon. But I know she's going to be miserable about everything (and again, I get it). But dear god, I am so tired. I can barely make it through a day at work (and they are short because I'm at the hospital in the morning so I can talk to the doctors). In a normal world, I would probably take some FMLA time to deal with all this. But I'm also retiring in a month or so, so that doesn't make a lot of sense. So, I'm going to muddle through, sleepwalking through the next 45 days before retirement and see how it goes.

I knew this day was coming, I was hoping it would come later, but it always comes. With a little good luck, it'll just be one parent at a time, but I know Dad's got health issues, and my MIL is not getting any younger either.

One part of me wishes I'd moved away when I was younger, but in all reality, it's good that I'm close.

I'm just tired.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. Time to put on my big girl pants and keep going.