u/Square_Counter_9367

I (21m) broke up with my ex (21f). We were friends for 5 years and I always liked her but because of mental health, I couldn’t fully attend her and led her on. She gave me another chance after a whole year of not talking and we started dating last year. Me and her trauma bonded and she was everything to me. The one person in my life I was fully myself around and I could tell her anything and everything. She did everything for me just so I wouldn’t need to do stuff. I wanted to marry her. She was my first everything and I feel like the luckiest guy cause how many chances she has given me. I am young but I saw everything with her. I wanted to be better for her and changed majors as well. She however struggles with mental health. She has ADHD and BPD and her ups and downs were a lot for me but I still stayed because she stayed when I was showing my issues. We got way too codependent on one another and I would cry when she needed to leave and the same for her. This summer, I made many plans with my guy friends and I left the apartment we live together at night a lot. Everytime I needed to leave she would cry and I felt bad but I wanted to have fun. Two weeks ago I was getting sick of it and asked her for a break. I didn’t want to break up with her, just needed space. But I guess I made it sound like I wanted to end it cause I was mad and she completely broke down and I was scared she was going to hurt herself. I know her history and I was scared and I couldn’t handle all that. I love her to death but that was way too triggering for me and I just can’t do it. I told her that I didn’t want to break up and she accepted it and I left. This is where I feel like I messed up. The night I left, I got on Hinge. I was scrolling and sending likes. I also asked a girl on a date. I can tell my gf was still sad because she would send me these paragraphs about how sorry she was and blaming herself. I feel bad now thinking about it because I also went on yk websites and websites where you can talk to others. I wanted to just distract myself but I couldn’t bring myself to end it. Ig I was cheating. Then I kept going out with friends and I decided to text her that I still needed more time to heal. But I kept going on hinge and all that. I forgot I left my computer at her house and she went through it and found everything. She texted me crying saying I cheated and I figured it was already too late now. I felt awful but I was already going to end it anyways but I guess I should’ve been honest. Some part of me wanted to see if I can find someone before letting her go. I still love her and I want to speak to her in person. I wanted to just be away and process before seeing her but I couldn’t sleep at night and I was out all day with friends drinking and smoking to forget. I wanted to just forget her because at night I would keep looking at pictures of her and I am so hurt right now. But I can’t bring myself to think I actually cheated because in my head I was done but I just didn’t tell her yet. I asked to see her next week so we can end on good terms but I don’t even know what I meant by that. I still want to be friends with her and have her in my life but I feel like it’s just over. AITAH?

My ex [21m] me, [21f], have been dating for a whole year after 5 years of friendship. We trauma bonded and we were just super close in that way. We fell in love and I never believed in love until I had met him and it was truly something special. We both had similar familiar trauma and understood each other. I loved him so much and I know he did as well but now I’m just confused because we got into an argument. Imma be honest now but our relationship got pretty toxic because I was struggling with mental health stuff and he was always there supporting me but it got too much for him. He asked for a break, we had a trip planned so he told me he hadn’t cancelled it yet and just needs to clear his mind. Remember we didn’t break up. For a whole week I waited and I was confused where this was going. A week later he sends me a text saying he is still healing and that he hopes I’m doing good. So basically, I don’t know why but I had some strange intuition and he had left his computer here. I dug through it and found out his phone was synced and he was on Hinge the moment he left my house after our break. Then he was on it the whole break, everyday for at least an hour. Checked his photos and he also had asked a girl on a date to the spot I took him. That same day was when he told me he needed more time with the break. Dude, if your looking for what’s out there and just making me wait? That is literally cheating. I was shocked and called him out. He said sorry and that he just doesn’t see anything anymore. I was like ok and then he proceeds to send me this god long paragraph about how he still loves me and cherishes me and how he’s been struggling and trying to distract himself and that he will always love me for the rest of his life blah blah. I told him to come take his stuff and he was like “let me plan a day I can come and we can talk and end on good terms.” Bro what? Let’s be real. What we had was special and he is an immature dude but I put up with it. I have been countless times how I am way too good for him and way over his league. I have given him so many chances. I was out here trying to get help with my mental health and improving while he was out there drunk, smoking, going to clubs, literally not a single day where he was just at home. He was constantly out and on dating apps. Absolutely diabolical. I know for a fact he’s never going to find someone who loved him like I did and I hope he just tries to fill that void just to come running back cause I’m done with that bs.