u/Standard_Amoeba42

I’ve had histamine issues since stopping ssris and covid in 2020. Referred to immunology in 2021 and batted off with a letter telling me histamine intolerance doesn’t exist. Since then I self manage with Loratidine and famotidine and generally ok if I’m careful with what I eat and avoiding triggers. Around four weeks ago, I started getting patches of hives after the gym. Doubled the antihistamines and that mostly resolved. Fast forward to Tuesday and this is how I progressed through the day. Saw the dr, was given 30mg prednisolone for five days and fexofenadine. Had to call out of hours dr on Thursday at 1am due to wheezing and dizziness. She prescribed clorphenamine and told to take to help me sleep. It didn’t. So I’ve been taking steroids, fexofenadine, Loratidine, citirizine, clorphenamine and famotidine the last five days and nothing is working. My entire head is covered in hives and lumps. I’ve been strict low histamine diet the last few days (chicken, rice, broccoli, gf oats) and it’s worse today than it has been. Throat is itchy and sore, skin is on fire and my anxiety is through the roof. I have quercertin arriving today from Amazon but I genuinely don’t know how to get this under controls I go to Mallorca in ten days and I don’t actually know if I can 😭

I don’t even know where to start. I’m beyond overwhelmed and literally covered in hives to prove it. I have asd/adhd/ocd and cptsd and three kids with asd and adhd. Partner and I have been together nearly nine years and it’s been push/pull dynamic most of that time (him pulling away). In the last six months or so, I feel like I’ve completely shut down to him and I’m just snappy and angry all the time. I resent him so much for changing who I am as a person. I just want to be loved properly but I don’t think I deserve to be. I utterly hate myself and how I cope (or don’t) with daily life. Nobody has my back. Nobody even knows I’m at rock bottom, they just think I’m stressy and angry. I feel like I’m dying inside and I can’t do it anymore 😢 I told him to leave but I don’t want him to leave, I want him to be who I need. I’m not angry, I’m completely breaking inside and it comes out as that because it’s safer. I feel like I’m too fucked up as a human to deserve love and him watching me break down feels like an audience and makes me spiral further. I don’t know if he’s coming home tonight. I don’t know if I want him to. I just have absolutely no idea how to move forward that doesn’t involve making myself more vulnerable than I already feel. Help.