u/Standard_Island_2654

Just got a text that a party was cancelled due to the host being sick. My first thought was “oh good, I didn’t wanna go anyway.” Because parties are not my thing and I’m feeling heavy mentally. My second thought was “but I hope X is ok.” Because that is what my first thought should have been!! I really, really am so tired of being selfish. I find myself having to correct my thoughts constantly. If I have to do anything for someone else (unless it’s like, cleaning or something) I feel anger and immediate pushback in my chest. I hate it.

My first memory of being a narcissist (also raised by them) was I was in 2nd grade. I made my mom a card, misspelled “mom” intentionally just so that she would say it’s ok. wtf? I fucking hate myself. I can never be there for people unless it benefits me somehow. How do I think I’m a decent person and also trash? I’ve brought up the concern of having quiet narcissism to counselors but they always say I don’t exhibit traits. I think they’re wrong.

I also have a savior complex, feeling the duty to stick up for outcasts, because I felt outcast growing up. And when I ultimately can’t fix others by betraying my own morals, boundaries (I don’t even know who I am anymore, I’m always told I’m wrong and over reacting and don’t know shit, which is true) and goals, I turn to S/H. (I think I also have quiet BPD, sibling and I were abused and neglected a lot growing up- mom had her own problems and couldn’t be there emotionally, she put us in dangerous situations, etc) I don’t want anyone to feel the way I felt, and still do, because I surround myself with people who are hurting, I truly want to help them not feel alone but again when I realize I can’t fix or help, I feel resentful at them and myself for failure.)

Sorry this is so unorganized.

Just got a text that a party was cancelled due to the host being sick. My first thought was “oh good, I didn’t wanna go anyway.” Because parties are not my thing and I’m feeling heavy mentally. My second thought was “but I hope X is ok.” Because that is what my first thought should have been!! I really, really am so tired of being selfish. I find myself having to correct my thoughts constantly. If I have to do anything for someone else (unless it’s like, cleaning or something stupid) I feel anger and immediate pushback in my chest. I hate it.
My first memory of being a narcissist (also raised by them) was I was in 2nd grade. I made my mom a card, misspelled “mom” intentionally just so that she would say it’s ok. wtf? I fucking hate myself. I can never be there for people unless it benefits me somehow. How do I think I’m a decent person and also trash? I’ve brought up the concern of having quiet narcissism to counselors but they always say I don’t exhibit traits. I think they’re wrong.

I also have a savior complex, feeling the duty to stick up for outcasts, because I felt outcast growing up. And when I ultimately can’t fix others by betraying my own morals, boundaries (I don’t even know who I am anymore, I’m always told I’m wrong and over reacting and don’t know shit, which is true) and goals, I turn to S/H. (I think I also have quiet BPD, sibling and I were abused and neglected a lot growing up- mom had her own problems and couldn’t be there emotionally, she put us in dangerous situations, etc) I don’t want anyone to feel the way I felt, and still do, because I surround myself with people who are hurting, I truly want to help them not feel alone but again when I realize I can’t fix or help, I feel resentful at them and myself for failure.)

Hi all.
I live in a house with an unmedicated ADHD child although they’re in therapy. I have OCD (among other issues that I too am untreated for because I am in insurance limbo) and mess is a huge problem for me.

It’s my job to clean parts of our small house weekly. Sometimes I don’t mind, I usually deep clean the kitchen, living room, dining room, and hallway/ cat box area and bathroom at least once a week, while doing maintenance cleaning in between. It is exhausting as I seem to have a chronic illness (maybe CFS or Fibro but yet to be diagnosed).

I just deep cleaned the house two days ago. And today you cannot even tell. The child (they’re 12 if that matters) knows they’re supposed to clean up after themselves, but they never do. The more we remind them, the more they push back.

All the dishes I just washed are now filthy, the kitchen is covered in grime, grease and flour, we regularly find dirty dishes stashed in cupboards, stolen food trash (they steal food, personal items, money- doesn’t matter whose it is, or how sentimental it is to someone, consider it gone forever if they get their hands on it) stashed behind furniture (and yes we’ve invested in locking safes for most important items.) Not to mention absolutely destroying their siblings things, ripping down their blanket forts, stealing their stuff- you get the picture. Laundry and dishes in the trash to avoid washing. Just total destruction, chaos, lack of empathy or care for anything. To be quite honest it’s causing so much tension in this house and I’m finding my flares, both OCD and Fibro, are progressing.

I know they can’t entirely help it. I don’t have ADHD myself (I have ADD) so I try to give them grace, but I’m at a breaking point.
One of the kids (their older sibling, 17) throws a fit when she has to clean anything “because it’s not her mess” (not ADHD), the younger one refuses, strong-arms and throws tantrums, will stand for literally hours instead of just washing dishes unless it somehow benefits them. Or they want their devices back.

I’m not employed at the moment (CA job market is the worst it’s ever been) so I am often cooped up, watching over the kids and that doesn’t sound hard, but my mental health has gone to complete shit because they refuse to listen.

I shouldn’t be fucking sobbing at 9 AM and shaking with rage because the kitchen looks like a tornado hit it, or there’s toothpaste squeezed all over the bathroom. I’m trying to breathe through this and help out where I can. Their parents work hard and do the best they can. And I know me crying about this is ridiculous but it’s just so fucking hard.

I guess my questions are; how can I better support them when they don’t respect boundaries or listen? How do I do this without having a complete mental breakdown?