u/Still-Welder-6365

For those enrolled into AMAU,

When it comes to note taking, are we supposed to write down every point? I just started and I keep having to pause the video to write down the evidence for the points given. So a 20 minute video takes me maybe twice as long.

If that is what needs to be done then insha'allah khair, but it feels like I almost focus more on note taking then I do the actual points and what the ustaad is saying.

I was thinking about switching to a laptop and just taking screen shots of each evidence, but I do somewhat prefer an actual notebook. And I don't have an ipad to where I could combine the two

Also I somewhat feel overwhelmed by it, one thing I like about seeking knowledge is being able to just listen to the knowledge given and reflecting. But again I feel more focused on the note taking, which makes me enjoy it somewhat less. But when it comes to seeking ilm, you have to make sacrifices so Allahu A'lim

Has anyone else struggled with this? And what solution did you find?

First of all my wife is amazing and she has so many good qualities. And as you read this, you’re only hearing my side of the story. So as a Muslim we should not judge based off of only one side of the story regardless of how strong it may sound. I write this because I need advice

I am around 2 weeks into a marriage and we keep running into arguments. We are long distance but I plan to see her in person very soon. But it’s always the same arguments happening, she wants to do something but I don’t want her to do it. But the problem arises is that I was very very clear about a lot of these things but she will still ask and then when I say no, she will get mad at me and paint me as a villain. But at the same time I do really understand where she is coming from

My wife had some issues before marriage but she wanted to marry me to get better in her deen. Not that I am super amazing Muslim, but that’s what she says. And she had a lot of things that I would never accept in a wife but she told me that she will change them and just needs help from me. And again usually I would never accept it but she said she wanted to do it for the sake of Allah and wanted to genuinely change. So I agreed and even though she does things that bother me, I try my best to hold myself back and help her take everything step by step. And try not to overburden her. She also always obeys me Alhamdulillah but it usually comes with an argument.

For example, I was specifically very clear that I want my wife to wear abaya even when she goes to work. She lives in a Muslim country but it’s liberal in a lot of ways. Just today she wore her abaya to her work. (Btw I also am not interested in a working woman and she told me she would leave eventually, but she has a contract to where it will take around 2-3 months to leave. She’s not allowed to just leave like that) But she then told me that all of the girls are bullying her for wearing it, which I tried to comfort her but she was also somewhat mad at me for making her wear it. And then she tells me that I don’t care and paints me as a villain

But I’m confused because I was so clear that I wanted this from the start and if she wasn’t able to do it then I would’ve looked elsewhere. But she agreed and then now she is turning on me. Don’t get me wrong, what she’s going through is not easy. To be bullied at work by a lot of the girls for wearing abaya is very very hard. But to then get mad at me is the part I don’t understand.

And the thing is I will tell her that I don’t want her doing something, again very clear about it before marriage. She will agree and then after marriage she will still ask to do those things. And when I say no again she will obey but then paint me as a villain

And stuff similar like this keeps happening

I just need advice on what to do and I want to better understand her perspective. I’m new to this whole marriage thing so I don’t know what I’m missing.

All of the changes she is doing is a lot so I do understand that and I always tell her that I am so proud of her and that I appreciate all of the changes she’s made. But whenever we get into arguments, she always says that I don’t care about her. Which hurts a lot because I send her an allowance, try to be there emotionally for her, anytime she’s hurt I try to listen to her feelings, I try my best to better myself for her, etc. I would do a lot for her and I do a lot for her all by the will of Allah. But it seems like it’s not enough

After the arguments she says she’s fine but she obviously isn’t. I try to pry and ask what’s wrong but she doesn’t tell me sometimes and other times she does. But she ends it by saying insha’Allah khair (aka I will have sabr and accept this thing even though I don’t want it) She does the thing that I asked her to do and we move on but then later more arguments of different topics happen

Please advise me

(Edit: I see everyone basically saying to take things step by step. But let’s say she asks if she can do something. And I told her before marriage that I don’t like this thing. What should I do? Should I just let her do it for now or should I tell her no? I’m confused on this matter)