u/Straight-Put-2142

Hi all, I'd like to do a weekend trip this weekend leaving from Richmond. Willing to drive up to 5 hours I'd say. I love the mountains and hiking but I'm going with a friend who can't do too much hiking right now.

So basically looking for a little retreat to chill at with either beautiful mountain or forest views where we could sit outside and soak in the nature and last bit of summer, and maybe otherwise just do one short hike or a bit of swimming or such.

I've thought of Shenendoah and New River Gorge areas. One issue I'm having is Airbnb is really coming up short, mostly showing me options in towns but I don't think you'll be in nature or with views even if in the region.

Hey all, I want to start by saying I'm aware that a lot of these thoughts are really shitty, and I'm working on changing them. But I want to see if anyone else is having this struggle and so I'm being bluntly, ugly honest.

I have a lot of deep biases against the concept of ‘mom’. It's hard for me to not feel like moms are : illogical, overly anxious, at least kinda dumb, shallow, slightly narcissistic, ambition-less, petty, painfully obvious when they're trying to be sly in a dumb way, dramatic, unhinged, etc. And also hard for me to move away from feeling like most people don't actually like their moms, they just tolerate them because they have to. Btw, I'm 33F.

Obviously this is shaped by my mom, but I feel like I saw it a lot growing up in a working class neighborhood where (and sorry if this sounds awful) most women were teen moms or fresh out of highschool and having kids was an accident they just didn't do enough to prevent, instead of a decision.

The first mom I got to know that made me feel differently was my ex’s mom. She is an intelligent, interesting, goal-oriented, open-minded woman. I was shocked we could have conversations that weren't just petty, all about her, or hate-oriented. Actually interesting ones about things changing in the world, scientific breakthroughs or experiences with this or that with no judgement. They are more middle class. My mom gets visibly annoyed if anyone talks about anything other than drama she brought up or her for more than 2 minutes. She will literally start sighing if her husband comes her and talks about his work for instance. So this was really a big shocker to me that I could genuinely like someone's mom, and I honestly miss chatting with her.

Some of my friends are having kids and I know they're similar people, but it's just so hard for me to shake this fear that motherhood would turn me into the type of petty, dramatic, self-centered, easily triggered, never-happy person I don't want to be. When other people say they want to be called mom, I realize the thought of that makes me cringe. I'm happy that if I have a kid, I'd raise them in a different country* and language so at least it'll be a different word, but the fear of that potential transformation is still there. (*I haven't lived in the US my whole adulthood, so this isn't for that reason but it's a nice additional benefit.)

Anyone else? I'm just looking for some shared experiences.

I don't really see this topic discussed much. I'm 33F and I have roughly $250k* across different investment accounts, $25k in cash, and no other assets.
(*counting 27k in USFR, the rest in stocks)

I am not interested in FIREing right now (and definitely could not), and probably not for another 1.5-2 decades. But I get worried about the job market and economy a lot. I wonder sometimes (and try to math out the different scenarios with chatGPT) to see if I could actually consider myself 'done' with retirement savings, in a way, and use money for other things or know that I would be okay just scraping by (I guess kinda baristaFIRE, but it's not like I want to do that now). With chatGPT I've mapped it out that if I have a 'die with zero' mentality, this amount of money (without adding anymore) should be enough for a $40k annual spend starting at age 55 for instance.

Is anyone else ever thinking this way or crunching those numbers?

(And for a bit more context, I will continue to save as long as I am able to do so, but I live abroad and work remotely and I don't see myself moving back to the US. I get worried about the long term feasibility of always finding that next remote job, particularly one that allows me to save instead of just get by. I currently have two different part-time remote jobs (adding up to fulltime), where I am making more modestly and saving less than before. Also I think about if I do have a kid, that might be it for my savings.)

I went to a baby shower for a friend today and there were about 6 babies/toddlers with their parents there. All of them mostly preferred being with their mother, to the point of throwing a fit if their dad tried to take over for a minute.

I noticed this a week ago with a friend couple of mine. I thought it was interesting with them because the dad is actually the primary caretaker as he works less. But despite this, the whole day I spent with them was the kid saying mama mama mama, climbing and tugging to be held by her or be in her lap. He wanted nothing to do with his dad lol. And because I noticed that, I took note at this 4 hour baby shower and I saw the same thing happening there across these couples that I assume have a variety of parenting splits.

Obvs, exceptions exist but what's been your experience? Is it something like a biologically predetermined vast likelihood for the baby to be glued to the mom regardless of care split? I'm interested because I'm considering kids but I really don't want this uneven care dynamic that's generated by the baby's preference and I am wondering if it's possible to avoid. It seems like even these very progressive more even relationships had the dad just playing second string to be honest, hesitating to do anything because the baby won't have it.

I was CF but have started leaning more fence sitter.

(I want to prefix this by saying I'm speaking about the middle class experience for different countries, not people on the poverty line.)

I hate the way that child-rearing looks in the US. I've seen it with my siblings and generally around/in media. The isolation, cost of childcare, getting up at 5am or earlier for school pickups and long commutes, the infiltration of screens, the lack of community, living in a suburb, eating fast food.

I have lived abroad for 10 years across different countries and honestly it looks so much better in places where:

- people have community

- you're not car-dependent/car-centric, walking or biking kids to school seems 1000x better to me

- you can afford (or are subsidized) reasonable childcare and even household care like cleaning services or meal prep

- you don't live in debt

- you aren't afraid of complete financial ruin from medical costs

- the climate/culture isn't one of heightened paranoia, so kids are actually allowed to be off in their own with their friends from ages like 7-8 on

- building from above, child autonomy develops quicker, like how a 5 year old in Japan seems to be as autonomous as the average 10 year old in the US in being able to do things for themselves (my 10 year old nephews can do practically nothing for themselves and will pout and whine and throw a fit if made to)

I am not talking (some of) Europe necessarily (though it includes that), but also LatAm and Asia. And recently a friend told me she's only willing to have children in Rwanda because it was like this there too.

And on income disparity, yes, there is, but honestly I've never been in a culture as money-stressed as the US.

No questions, just interested in thoughts. Or maybe you've found bubbles/pockets of this in countries that generally have these issues?

TLDR - 0.025% tret (even with all the buffers) is too strong for me and I remain red-faced when trying it for months. Would love advice against the red face or recommendations/reviews on lower strength options.

I have tried to start tret before at the commonly available 0.025% strength. I'm from the US but I live abroad and travel around, and you can just buy it from many pharmacies, but not below that strength. My issue is that I tried that strength of tret, and with ALL of the precautions of sandwich method, starting slowly, etc, and my face was just red for months. The irritation and slight increase in pimples was annoying, but I could stand that - I really couldn't deal with being red-faced all the time, it looked like I was constantly flushed/embarrassed, for months.

In case relevant, I've always had sensitive and dry skin, I have a good routine and moisturize a lot, I had acne as a teen but not anymore at 32, I just want to be on tret for the anti-aging benefits. I practice good sun-care already, the redness wasn't sunburn. But I'd be open to tips/advice specifically about chilling out/avoiding the redness.

I figure I might have less redness if I can start super low strength and adapt up. I've found some options but would love more options and/or first hand experience on any of these:

• The Agency/Curology - I see they can start you off at 0.007-0.009%, and they have good reviews. My issue is the subscription model. I would get it delivered while in the US, but I'm only going to be there for 2 months. Usually I would stock up on specific skincare before I go, but I guess I can't with this.
• Medik8 Retinal 1 - Not actually tret, 0.01% retinaldehyde. GPT thinks this should feel around 0.01% tret strength. Potentially a gentler start than actual tret that would still help me acclimate?
• Find 0.01% tret? I haven't found this anywhere, but maybe there's some options and this strength is one I can adapt to?

Thanks in advance!

TLDR - I guess my thinking is there are more strategies to FIRE out there than just 'work highly-paid tech or corporate job in western world, invest smartly, and naturally end up with millions of dollars' and I'm interested to hear about them.

I've only joined this sub recently, but I've mostly seen posts from people who already have more saved at 40 than I'm sure I ever would even if I work till I'm 100 and pick the best stocks. I understand these people mostly seem to be in very HCOL areas like US West Coast and work in tech. That's all well and good, I'm just wondering if there are other people here on much more, let's say, 'humble' FIRE routes. I'm from the US and writing with that frame of reference, but interested to hear from people in/from other countries too.

I know leanFIRE means different numbers for different people, but I'm interested to hear from people who's FIRE numbers are below $1M USD (or maybe $40kish/yr) and how or why that is possible for you -- is it circumstance or do you have particular strategies in place to make that work?

For me, for instance, my FIRE 'number' is when I have roughly $40k/yr available to me, and not with a 4% withdrawal either, but from a 'die with zero' approach (assuming death at age 90). Because if I wait to hit the 4% number, I'll just be normal retirement age anyway. I'm currently projecting that to be roughly $655k at age 55 if I don't add anything further than what I have now (super conservative) or down to age 43ish and around $700k needed if I'm able to invest $2000/month consistently (a bit of a stretch, manageable right now but probably not always). Assuming a conservative real return of 5% after inflation, and I'm 32 right now.

Some 'strategies' I employ both in terms of being able to save more even though I'm not a high earner, and how I think I'll be able to retire on $40k/yr (today's dollars):

• I live and work remotely abroad, so I guess I do a bit of 'geo-arbitrage' earning in dollars and spending in local currency, that has enabled me to have a good savings rate.
• It also means I speak fluently two languages that both have good options for 'cheaper countries' to retire abroad to (Spanish and Portuguese), and I'm thinking of adding a third or fourth language to expand this even further.
• I'm used to living frugally and also in 'alternative' spaces, e.g. in a van-like situation. A van isn't my preference, but I could do if needed. But I'm quite open to stuff like housemates later in life, living in communes, etc.
• I'm childfree, I guess that's also a strategy to not need as much money. I imagine I'll probably be sharing expenses with a partner in later years, but I don't count on it.
• My big decision right now is whether I divert from investing to buy an apartment in a major city (my favorite city in the world) in a 'cheaper country', so that I have both a stable home and also the ability to earn passive income from AirBNB. I can probably just about afford an apartment there within the next 3-5 years with the money I keep outside of my retirement pot and a margin loan. This would only be possible in a super rural area in the US, which I'm not that willing to live somewhere like that if I don't have to as I age.

TLDR - I guess my thinking is there are more strategies to FIRE out there than just 'work highly-paid tech or corporate job in western world, invest smartly, and naturally end up with millions of dollars' and I'm interested to hear about them.

I don't usually see this included in the portfolio splits and I'm curious.

I'm currently 56% (VTI/VXUS) stocks, 21% treasury ETFs (cash like - USFR/SGOV), and 23% cash (a chunk in M1 earn so getting a bit of interest but not much).

My target within the next four-ish months is to get to 78% stocks, 18% treasury ETFs, 4% cash.

I didn't choose the percentages really, but how much I feel I need to keep in cash and then the other buckets adjusted from there kinda based off of long term retirement (stocks) and potential short term needs (treasury), like buying a property.

I'm aware this is the sort of thing that doesn't scale as your net worth accumulates, so probably later in life the investment proportion gets higher and cash gets lower. I'm 32, no kids, no house, and just a few years into investing. My main goal is to ideally retire within 25-30 years and not need to work too hard before that, secondary goal is to maybe get a property in the next 5ish years (but in a cheaper country).

Any thoughts on this? What are you at or trying to get to, and where are you in your investment journey?