u/Strqqk

Hi everyone, I really need some honest outside perspective on a messy situation that has left my head spinning and my self-esteem in a very dark place.

To give you the full context, I am a 20-year-old plus-size girl, and the guy is 23, tall, lean, and very good-looking. Because of my size, I’ve always carried some insecurities. A few months ago, I was just one month out of a heavy, emotionally draining 1.7-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Shortly after the breakup, I ended up at a party with my sister, hosted by my ex's friends (my ex wasn't there). I was completely heartbroken, drinking heavily, and crying a lot.

That night, I noticed this 23-year-old guy at the party. Before I could even start a proper conversation with him, the hostesses decided I had too much to drink and tried to send me home. I resisted at first, but as I was leaving, I realized I lost my phone and couldn't call a cab. There was some drama, and while my sister went back inside the house to look for my phone, I stayed outside alone because I was too embarrassed to go back in.

While I was waiting outside, completely broken and drunk, that same guy walked out. We started talking, and since we couldn't find my phone anywhere in the end, I forgot about waiting for it altogether. So, he was the one who called a cab for me using his own phone, and I brought him back to my place. We had an amazing night together. However, I didn’t want him to stay over, so right after we were done, I sent him back to the party, which was also what his friends wanted him to do. Before he left, I just gave him my Snapchat username since I knew it by heart. There was no deep motive behind it—it was just a quick way to share contact. He ended up forgetting his driver's license at my apartment that night, too.

After that first night, there was a long period of dry texting and silence. It felt like he wasn't really interested in anything more. But then, out of nowhere, he texted me saying he really enjoyed our night together and wanted to repeat it, but he explicitly stated he "was not looking for a relationship." Being lonely and still carrying trauma from my ex, I agreed, and we kept it strictly as a physical one-night-stand agreement.

The basis for our second meetup was entirely his initiative. He texted me to spark up a conversation and arrange another hookup. He used his forgotten driver's license as a logistical excuse, but he also directly used my feelings as a conversation starter, texting me that he knows I like him, and that’s why he dared to make the proposition to meet again. Despite using that line, he still followed it up with his usual cold reminder that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Because the physical chemistry was so high, I agreed anyway, and we met up.

After that second meetup, I kept my distance and completely stopped texting him first. I didn't want to just sit around waiting in uncertainty or build up fake hopes for something that wasn't there, so I decided to protect myself. After three weeks of absolute silence, I finally reached out and asked him directly if he still had any interest in meeting up or if we should just move on with our lives. There was no fight or drama—it was just me setting a healthy boundary. He coldly replied, "Let's move on." I went completely silent after that, focused on myself, graduated from high school, went out celebrating with friends, and posted snaps about it. I noticed he was opening my stories instantly, within seconds, despite his cold text.

Our third meetup happened on Midsummer’s Eve. He texted me out of nowhere again, wanting to see me for "something like last time." He drove an hour in his car to meet me directly at the accommodation. When I arrived, the physical chemistry was through the roof. We met in the living room, and the first hug was a bit awkward on my part because of our huge height difference (he is very tall and I didn't know where to hold onto him), but he immediately started kissing me very passionately.

While we were pouring some wine in the living room, he barely drank because he wanted to stay sober, since he had already been drinking with his friends the day before. I told him straight up, "I don't want to be the only one drinking, I want to keep my self-control too." Hearing this, he gave me this intense, searching look, trying to read my mind and figure out my boundaries.

After that, we lay on the couch holding each other for the rest of the evening. Compared to the previous times, we actually had more open conversations, but there was still a clear emotional distance. I opened up to him about several personal things, including how much I had struggled and cried during high school just to get good grades because it meant so much to me. I felt so safe in his arms.

But the next morning, everything flipped back to being freezing cold. We woke up, I snuggled into his chest, and through sleep, things got physical again. But it felt incredibly rushed and selfish. He got his pleasure quickly, immediately got up to take a shower, and that was it. No after-care, no affection. I felt a huge wave of disappointment and felt like a disposable object.

He drove me back to my home and inside the car right before I got out, I kept my guard up, smiled, and told him directly: "Thanks for the pleasant evening, let's see what the future brings. Have a nice day." I wanted to show him that his coldness didn't phase me and that I am in control of my own life, but inside I was breaking.

Since that morning, we are back to total silence. I am stuck in a massive anxiety spiral purely about the physical intimacy and his behavior. I know in my mind that I am just a convenient toy he uses whenever he feels the urge, and I hate myself because the physical attraction is so high that I know a part of me would still give in next time. I just want to go out on normal dates and see where things lead, but with him, it feels like a pure ego game.

What do these mixed signals mean? Why use a line about knowing I like him just to start a conversation, act so sweet and cuddling on the couch, only to turn completely cold and dismissive the next morning?

How should I behave and what should I text him if he reaches out next time, knowing how hard it is for me to resist the physical pull?

How do I break free from this pattern when I feel so disposable and used?

Hi everyone, I really need some honest outside perspective on a messy situation that has left my head spinning and my self-esteem in a very dark place.

To give you the full context, I am a 20-year-old plus-size girl, and the guy is 23, tall, lean, and very good-looking. Because of my size, I’ve always carried some insecurities. A few months ago, I was just one month out of a heavy, emotionally draining 1.7-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Shortly after the breakup, I ended up at a party with my sister, hosted by my ex's friends (my ex wasn't there). I was completely heartbroken, drinking heavily, and crying a lot.

That night, I noticed this 23-year-old guy at the party. Before I could even start a proper conversation with him, the hostesses decided I had too much to drink and tried to send me home. I resisted at first, but as I was leaving, I realized I lost my phone and couldn't call a cab. There was some drama, and while my sister went back inside the house to look for my phone, I stayed outside alone because I was too embarrassed to go back in.

While I was waiting outside, completely broken and drunk, that same guy walked out. We started talking, and since we couldn't find my phone anywhere in the end, I forgot about waiting for it altogether. So, he was the one who called a cab for me using his own phone, and I brought him back to my place. We had an amazing night together. However, I didn’t want him to stay over, so right after we were done, I sent him back to the party, which was also what his friends wanted him to do. Before he left, I just gave him my Snapchat username since I knew it by heart. There was no deep motive behind it—it was just a quick way to share contact. He ended up forgetting his driver's license at my apartment that night, too.

After that first night, there was a long period of dry texting and silence. It felt like he wasn't really interested in anything more. But then, out of nowhere, he texted me saying he really enjoyed our night together and wanted to repeat it, but he explicitly stated he "was not looking for a relationship." Being lonely and still carrying trauma from my ex, I agreed, and we kept it strictly as a physical one-night-stand agreement.

The basis for our second meetup was entirely his initiative. He texted me to spark up a conversation and arrange another hookup. He used his forgotten driver's license as a logistical excuse, but he also directly used my feelings as a conversation starter, texting me that he knows I like him, and that’s why he dared to make the proposition to meet again. Despite using that line, he still followed it up with his usual cold reminder that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Because the physical chemistry was so high, I agreed anyway, and we met up.

After that second meetup, I kept my distance and completely stopped texting him first. I didn't want to just sit around waiting in uncertainty or build up fake hopes for something that wasn't there, so I decided to protect myself. After three weeks of absolute silence, I finally reached out and asked him directly if he still had any interest in meeting up or if we should just move on with our lives. There was no fight or drama—it was just me setting a healthy boundary. He coldly replied, "Let's move on." I went completely silent after that, focused on myself, graduated from high school, went out celebrating with friends, and posted snaps about it. I noticed he was opening my stories instantly, within seconds, despite his cold text.

Our third meetup happened on Midsummer’s Eve. He texted me out of nowhere again, wanting to see me for "something like last time." He drove an hour in his car to meet me directly at the accommodation. When I arrived, the physical chemistry was through the roof. We met in the living room, and the first hug was a bit awkward on my part because of our huge height difference (he is very tall and I didn't know where to hold onto him), but he immediately started kissing me very passionately.

While we were pouring some wine in the living room, he barely drank because he wanted to stay sober, since he had already been drinking with his friends the day before. I told him straight up, "I don't want to be the only one drinking, I want to keep my self-control too." Hearing this, he gave me this intense, searching look, trying to read my mind and figure out my boundaries.

After that, we lay on the couch holding each other for the rest of the evening. Compared to the previous times, we actually had more open conversations, but there was still a clear emotional distance. I opened up to him about several personal things, including how much I had struggled and cried during high school just to get good grades because it meant so much to me. I felt so safe in his arms.

But the next morning, everything flipped back to being freezing cold. We woke up, I snuggled into his chest, and through sleep, things got physical again. But it felt incredibly rushed and selfish. He got his pleasure quickly, immediately got up to take a shower, and that was it. No after-care, no affection. I felt a huge wave of disappointment and felt like a disposable object.

He drove me back to my home and inside the car right before I got out, I kept my guard up, smiled, and told him directly: "Thanks for the pleasant evening, let's see what the future brings. Have a nice day." I wanted to show him that his coldness didn't phase me and that I am in control of my own life, but inside I was breaking.

Since that morning, we are back to total silence. I am stuck in a massive anxiety spiral purely about the physical intimacy and his behavior. I know in my mind that I am just a convenient toy he uses whenever he feels the urge, and I hate myself because the physical attraction is so high that I know a part of me would still give in next time. I just want to go out on normal dates and see where things lead, but with him, it feels like a pure ego game.

What do these mixed signals mean? Why use a line about knowing I like him just to start a conversation, act so sweet and cuddling on the couch, only to turn completely cold and dismissive the next morning?

How should I behave and what should I text him if he reaches out next time, knowing how hard it is for me to resist the physical pull?

How do I break free from this pattern when I feel so disposable and used?