u/Successful_Bar9187

My faith has seen ups and downs in it’s relatively few years. I’m a passionate Christian who not too long ago was an atheist. But my passion isn’t the same as many, I’m not filled with constant joy or surrounded by many friends.

My work costs me a lot and it’s a toll that destroys a part of me - but it’s necessary and in a way, it’s holy.

I smoke now and then, and I’m passionate about beer.

I’ve never understood love. I’ve been rejected, cheated on, ghosted… by women who claim to be Christians but treated me like trash.

I pray everyday, mostly asking God for forgiveness.

I try to read the Bible.

To study apologetics.

But lately I don’t want to read the Bible.

I don’t want to find God there.

I just want to feel. I want to feel him. I want to feel his love. I know he loves me. But I don’t feel it. I can’t comprehend it. I can’t grasp it. I don’t know real love. Maybe a little from my brotherhood but I know rejection and the feeling of being discarded more.

I want Jesus to come down and give me a hug.

That’s all.

Is this wrong?

Am I right to say that I don’t want to read the Bible, the book I’ve come to know well and love, because I want to experience Jesus face to face.

To receive his love.

I can’t just read words anymore. I tried. I just want him. I try to enjoy his presence, but even then I feel alone. I want to feel him. I want to just bury my face in his arms. I’ve never experienced such a thing in my life.

I can’t feel much and what I do feel is hate and anger, depression and deep sadness. I feel afraid and lost. So I pray. I do read the Bible a little.

But what I want so badly is for him to come and give me a hug. I just want to feel loved by God.

One thing I hate is flying the chopper and laying down a ton of lead on one guy who eats it and stays standing.

The ttk on vehicles is awful and needs a buff. Vehicles are meant to be an actual threat.

Same with firearms. Faster ttk in warfare would make the game more rewarding.

And finally, a hardcore mode with a limited hud and ttk like that of milsim shooters would be amazing.

Pray for the church in the UK.

What has the church in the UK done? Millions of Muslims arrive but only a handful of Christians decide to go out and preach the gospel. Imagine if the church welcomed them, and reached out to them. Feeding those who were hungry, clothing the naked, showing them Christ.

But no. Most did nothing. The false Christians who are nationalists want nothing to do with them except to deport them all. I agree dangerous immigrants who want to bring their sharia laws or terrible practices with them - they don’t belong. But Christ died for them too.

I wish so badly that the church hadn’t gone sour. Affirming LGBTQ marriage. That’s what they did. Preach the gospel? No.

So now Christianity falters and Islam is sweeping through the UK.

Christians are busy being unbothered, stuck in traditions, and unwilling to obey Christ. Others are lukewarm for Christ but fiery for their nationalistic pride. They will be spit out in the way Christ said it. Their love is for the color of their skin and ways.

Seek first the Kingdom has long been lost. Only a few remain faithful.

Perhaps it’s for the best that the UK one day becomes a Muslim majority nation. Maybe when the persecution really begins the fake believers will fall away and those who truly believe will stand strong in Christ first

So please join me I prayer. That Christ would raise up believers who worship in truth and spirit. Not nationalists. Not people who want to mix with the world. But those who love Christ, their neighbors, enemies, and immigrants to the point of preaching unashamedly.

First the two rules of judgment:

Do not be a hypocrite (Matthew 7:5).
Do not throw pearls before pigs (Matthew 7:6)

The whole passage there begins with “Judge not…”
Christians tend to stop there, and non believers point to that when they say it’s not good to judge.

Is Jesus condemning judgment? No. He’s condemning the wrong heart posture and the wrong audience.

Verses 1-5 are about judgment that is hypocritical. “Judge not” or you will be judged in the same measure, because “why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye…. When there is a log in your own eye”.

Christ is condemning the way people judged each other with hypocrisy. It takes a certain kind of unkindness, pride and ignorance to judge in that way.

And then he says something short in verse 6.

He’s going back to the saying from Proverbs 9:7. There it says that “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.”

These are the “swine” or “pigs” he’s talking to. If your judgment is without hypocrisy they are like pearls, precious. But do not give them to those who will scoff and to those who are wicked. They are the wrong audience.

A pastor once explained to me that such people are usually unbelievers. “Why judge them for the path they have chosen with the free will God has given them?”

Rather Christians, in kindness and truth, ought to pass “pearls” to each other without hypocrisy.

Today I judged a fellow Christian in my heart for his sexual sin. I then realized that I sinned because I’ve been struggling with pornography too.

But if I saw my brother in Christ choosing his sexual sin without remorse, or without repentance, it’s my obligation to judge him. I must say in love, “brother, you cannot be a Christian and choose to fornicate perpetually without remorse. You, like myself, must turn our sin around”.

And that’s why confession it’s important. My struggle with porn, and the work Christ is doing in me shouldn’t be kept from my Christian friend. If I judge him for his un repentance I haven’t committed hypocrisy, and he’s been given a “pearl” that could bring him back.

That’s why we ought to judge. With hearts that aren’t prideful. But with hearts that are humble. And like today, we’ll all fail. But let’s try.

Calling out a person who claims to be a Christian yet lives intentionally as if they are an unbeliever, refusing the words of Christ, that is a person we must judge and call out. Not with hate, nor with a “plank”, but with love.

“For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?”
— 1 Corinthians 5:12

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”
— Galatians 6:1

“Take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.”
— 2 Thessalonians 3:14–15

“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him.”
— Titus 3:10

“If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house or give him any greeting.”
— 2 John 1:10

Men and women, especially white tourists, don’t get this.

I was on a quick trip to Jordan this past week to visit a friend. During my stay in a small camp we put up in the desert, a group of European tourists came along and we showed them some hospitality.

The Jordanian men wear a long white robe and it’s for their own modesty. The women also wear long robes, and the more westernized local men and women wear pants and T-shirts.

However the tourists came in with tiny shorts. Two of the ladies were wearing bras and tight booty shorts. The men were mostly bare chested wearing tiny shorts.

Jordanian hospitality is top class. The Jordanians I was with gave them tea and some food. They hung out, sang songs, danced and so on.

But the truth is none of the Europeans were dressed in a manner appropriate for the culture.

It’s very important that tourists dress appropriately for the places they visit. I understand if it’s a beach and they wore minimal clothing. Lebanon is chill like that. But out in the desert with the locals, it’s completely inappropriate.

The biggest push back I’ve receive saying this before is that “women can wear what they want”.

But this isn’t about women. Men and women are both required to be covered up, especially at social gatherings.

It was painful to watch the half naked Europeans dance around amongst the hospitable Jordanians who were also very uncomfortable with the situation.

Men should be emotionally intelectual, but we aren’t all emotionally vulnerable in the same way women are. We don’t process things the way women do. We And neither of those things makes us greater or lesser. My point is: we are fundamentally different.

I think toxic behavior, or actually rude behavior, when done by a male, isn’t because of masculinity but because of what that human has learned during development.

For example, why is “manspreading” toxic? Is it toxic because men need to let their balls breathe? Or is it rude behavior to be inconsiderate to a fellow passenger on the bus? Is that rude behavior because of masculinity or because that human wasn’t taught how to be considerate?

Another example. “Purse spreading”. Perhaps the female adjacent to “man spreading”, which is the taking up of space for bags and purses. Is it rude because it’s done by a female human being, or is it rude because it’s done by a human being, like the male, who wasn’t taught how to be considerate

Socially unacceptable behavior gets slapped with a blue or pink sticker and gets thrown into the meat grinder that is our social media.

“Stop mansplaining”

“Stop womansplaining”

“Women weaponize emotions”

“Men can’t control anger”

And so on and so forth.

I will not disagree to say that because men and women are different, the socially unacceptable behaviors while similar in core can be different in action, and reason.

Masculinity has historically shown things like courage, restraint, protection, endurance, responsibility, leadership, sacrifice, and competence.

Femininity has historically shown things like courage, restrain, protection, endurance, responsibility, leadership, sacrifice, and competence.

But both have historically been done differently.

And both have messed up in these regards differently.

But at the core toxic behavior isn’t because of gender but because of conditioning. Early childhood development is where we learn what is socially acceptable behavior. And what isn’t.

Other influences like social media also influence behaviors and can change a persons disposition. A man who once believed in opening doors for women may end up choosing not to because of “equality”. A woman who said thank you to a man for opening doors might say “as you should” because she “deserves the respect”.

Both behaviors are rude. Both actions that they first had were kind. All of these behaviors are learned and are not assigned to any gender.

So perhaps let’s stop assigning toxic behavior to a gender. Mansplaining isn’t toxic masculinity. It’s just pride that tells a man he may know better. Or it may be a man who genuinely likes to explain things. Women accusing men of being emotionally distant and then punishing them for vulnerability isn’t because they are women. Perhaps it’s because she learned that vulnerability is dangerous, and is torn between intimacy and regulating a safe environment.

Perhaps if we judge character by behavior instead of gender we can start building tools to fix the issues that cause “toxic” behavioral patterns.

I’m Eastern European. I’m an immigrant. I’m half Arab. I have friends from India, Africa, Asia, South America, America… in some European countries. They are all legal. They all assimilate as best they can. They are all respectful of the people and culture of their host nation.

But many are not. Millions are not. I care for the refugees, but many of them are men who came to take advantage of the system.

In April an Italian man was killed by an Egyptian migrant over pizzas. Does this make all Egyptian migrants evil? No. Many assimilate and deserve to stay. But those who don’t - they shouldn’t stay.

There are migrants who believe that raping a girl is their right. This is not right wing propaganda. This is real. I’m not even right wing and I’m saying it.

The problem is that the governments of these nations don’t care to do anything. Many of the people are so pro immigration that they refuse to see the truth.

I’m pro immigration. Legal immigration. Pro helping refugees. Pro giving to the poor. Pro helping migrants who are truly trying. I’m pro deportation of evil migrants who bring their evil with them.

And that’s the truth of it. Many do not fit into the values of European nations. Values that put honor and dignity first. Values they care about the individual. Europe isn’t spotless. But it’s being stained now by people who wash themselves in historical fountains or spit red saliva on the old buildings.

It’s not racist to demand their deportation. It’s not far right wing propaganda either. As a Christian I must love them all, and help even the worst. But I also believe in the preservation of European culture and dignity, especially the protection of immigrants who have assimilated and chosen to respect their host nation.

I’m not Iranian, but Iran has been a place that’s influenced me a lot. When I see people make real genuine claims that Iranian regime has oppressed people who’ve resisted, practiced a different religion or chosen to remove the hijab, a lot of other people call it “propaganda”.

These are the folks with cognitive dissonance. They don’t support Israel, so they must support Iran. Israel is the bad guys therefore Iran must be the good guy. They can’t hold the idea that both Israel and the Iranian regime are brutal regimes that oppress and subjugate people.

So every executed person “deserved it” some way or the other. All the protests were “fake” and instigated by Mossad.

They don’t realize that for decades Iran has been executing and torturing people who chose to resist the regimes dictatorial government. They don’t realize that people there want freedom. Perhaps Israel or the US has used this as a means to push their war propaganda- but regardless there are hundreds of thousands if not millions in Iran who don’t want a regime anymore.

So how do we deal with this?

Let’s face it, linking your date of birth and a constellation and saying that somehow determines who you are and how you may relate to others isn’t very smart.

I mean there is a possibly infinite number of massive super hot gasses that are burning so bright, some bigger than what our brains can comprehend, and the pattern that they are in - that somehow tells me all about you because you’re a Leo?

It’s a massive scam. Just because you’re chirpy and outgoing doesn’t mean you’re a Gemini, it just means that life has shaped you to be that way.

It’s all just broadly relative. A “Gemini” will say they are chirpy because of it. But they’ll ignore everything about themselves that might say they are a Scorpio.

And if that isn’t evidence that there’s not a lot going on in that persons head, I don’t know what is.

You could be a NASA astronaut and say that you’re a Gemini, and I’d count you in the same group as flat earthers.

Your Zodiac signs mean nothing. The stars don’t determine who you are. They couldn’t give a shit.

It’s called the Barnum effect, the descriptions are vague and kinda fit everyone, and yet some will say “ooh ooh that’s me that’s me”. But it could also be Larry, and you two are not the same.

Also the constellations moved, and so the signs don’t match their original sky positions. What are you basing anything off on then?

Not to mention twins with different personalities, or anyone born at the same date and time and being completely different.

I feel like I’m laying down some pretty obvious things. And I feel like society is getting dumber and dumber (in the West) and maybe it’s time to bully people who believe in this nonsense. They are the same people who can vote!

So yeah it’s in my opinion that anyone who believes that the star positions affect who they are, they are dumb and empty minded.

My SIL (32F) and myself (26m) are working together. We’ve been working at the same organization and have been at it for years now. When i first began working here we had several meetings with other colleagues, including team building exercises. We even learned our enneagrams and personality types. We share duties in the hospitality department since 2 months back and it’s the first time I’ve worked with her. I know she’s type A but I didn’t know how far it could get.

The issues began first within the first week. She’s nit pick at this and that. “That bedsheet isn’t folded properly” or “those shoes aren’t aligned correctly”…. There was always something she’d find that she didn’t like about what I did.

As a type B I could just allow those things to roll over me. But over time it got more and more difficult to ignore.

The day before last I had prepared a guest room for our organizations CEO. I know him well and he’s a close friend. I had just finished the room prep when she came in and started accusing me of not doing a good job. She said that one side of the quilt was hanging off too much over the right side of the bed (barely could notice it). I had used the “wrong” room freshener as it was “more feminine”. There were so many tiny things that she found wrong with the work that I’d done, insisting that it must be to the perfect standard she had somehow instilled as law.

She’s also pregnant and expecting. That’s contributed to her usual amount of smug perfectionism. My brother, her husband, is on a trip. He’s also a perfectionist so they both are perfect for each other.

No matter what I said to calm her down, she’d interrupt me and yell. So at the end I said what was on my mind for a while. I told her that if she doesn’t learn to manage her obsession for perfectionism she’s gonna fuck up her babies life. I said that her kid is gonna grow up in an environment where they will always feel inadequate and incapable of pleasing their mother. That they’ll grow up with all kinds of emotional trauma if she were to expect from them with a high standard of perfectionism.

She burst out crying and began to accuse me of not understanding. She’s only 1 months pregnant and I’ve been working with her for 2 months now. She’s been like this from the start, and some of our mutual sympathizing friends have said that she always sets unreachable unrealistic perfectionist standards for everyone.

So AITA for telling her this? I feel like I said it to her as a duty for the sake of her kid who’s gonna be my family too, and not as a way to insult her.

(EDIT): to add some info:

- we are both equals

- hospitality isn’t our main job it’s just a share duty

- the scale of our hospitality is just a few rooms we prep for a guest, usually a colleague from a different branch. This isn’t the Ritz nor is it a regular hotel.

I really want to be married and have kids, to find a godly wife who I’ll love.

Sure I have a type but really what matters more is that she’s kind and patient.

I have TBI. I am incredibly forgetful, ADHD, distracted, and I’m also a Type B personality.

I grew up with harsh words spoken to me and that influenced me terrible. So when people today use harsh words against me, it’s an incredibly painful experience.

I’m terrible afraid that I’ll marry a woman who’ll use harsh words against me. Maybe I’ll forget to wash the dishes, or to clean the toilet. I’m hard working, not lazy, but in places I work it’s people who are perfectionists that tend to be harsh and unkind to me because of my struggles.

When people do this to me I fight back, but I leave wounded and feeling like I’m not deserving of love or companionship.

I’m afraid that my future wife will one day become tired of my forgetfulness, or how much I day dream and miss out on details.

I keep meeting nice people who turn out to be like this. Type A people or others who see me for my mistakes and my inability to remember things. They don’t see me for my hard work. I hope I find a patient kind wife. Maybe someone forgetful and relaxed like me.

Modesty as talked about in the New Testament is about not being flamboyant with riches, nor to walk in pride.

“likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,”

‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

1 Timothy isn’t talking about how much skin is shown, but about how much respect we carry. It also talks about modesty from the Greek word aidous which translates best to shame, awe and bashfulness. Modesty as described in the New Testament is to dress with respect and with bashfulness towards people and awe towards God. Bashfulness means to be shy, to be reluctant, innocent in a way - not with adornments and braids.

Adornments and braids at the time meant riches and power. Some even say it communicated sexual promiscuity/prostitution. (Wearing braids today is just fine). Bashfulness in contrast is to walk in meekness and humility, to not show oneself before men and God as proud and boastful, but in contrast almost shy and meek, in awe of God. There’s a child like behavior to this that God loves from us.

And then came along English translations and modesty became more about how skin was covered rather than how one was being “bashful” towards men and in awe of God.

Christians in the early 20th century covered up. Christians in South America, India, parts of Africa didn’t cover up in fact most were naked. Indian men literally wore thongs and nothing more. The first Christians amongst them were as such.

Western missionaries brought with them their interpretation of modesty, which to them meant more coverage of skin. And thus we have now communities that previously dressed with as less clothes as possible now wearing shirts and pants, being taught that wearing that was holy.

This kind of attitude became a zealous idea amongst churches in India, Africa and other Asian countries as well as very conservative western societies. If me and my girlfriend was to go to a beach in a conservative Christian Asian country, and I was to wear a men’s swimming brief or thong as I prefer, and she was to wear a two piece - we’d be considered sinful and perverted. It’s especially worse for women.

Romans 12:3 implies modesty that is humble. 1 Timothy implies modesty that is respectable and not prideful, not with the desire to be awed by man, instead to being in awe of God. It’s about being in awe of God, not receiving awe ourselves.

And when it comes to sexuality, I think which is the least of it, it’s about dressing without the intention of drawing sexual attention. Some clothes do this with or without intent. Others are simple and contextual.

My girlfriend wears a bikini that has more coverage than most popular thongs. She’s modest. She wears it to swim, as I wear men’s (excruciatingly short) swimming brief to swim. She’s not wearing it for attention. The beach is where she wears it or by the pool. Her heart is modest, and she’s in awe of God. Same are the intentions that I have.

Now a Christian woman or man who sees the both of us might say “they are being immodest and are a stumbling block”. For them, modest means a one piece swimming suit for women and a long shorts for men.

Now another Christian man and woman will see the later and say, “they are being immodest and are a stumbling block. Women’s cheeks shouldn’t be seen because of a one piece”. And they will wear what I’ve seen being called a “swimming dress”. For them they are modest. Everyone else who dresses with less isn’t modest.

And there are bigger fish that them. There are those who say women shouldn’t show ankles, cleavage or any skin or back.

The funny thing is none who make such judgments are modest themselves. Rather they should “not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment” (Romans 12). Let the man and woman who wants to be more covered be as such. And let the man and woman who prefer to wear much less be as such. Swimming without too many clothes is a preference for many.

I will say that a Christian woman or a Christian man posing for photos in swimming attire, dresses or other clothes in a “look at me” or “I’m sexy” kind of way isn’t being modest at all. I have Christian friends on Instagram who I unfollowed because instead of posting an innocent fun photo at the beach, they post as some models or OF people do: to elevate themselves sexually and for attentions. This again is to seek awe for themselves, instead of living in awe of God with humility.

I spent time in Brazil 6 years ago. Godly and devout men and women go to the beach all the time, most of them nearly naked in small pieces of swimwear, and they play and swim. No one is stumbling. No one is lusting. The human body isn’t a stumbling block to them, but rather they are all in awe of God, and are respectable. In fact none of them attend the Carnival in Brazil because they know the intentions behind it aren’t modest but rather are all about self praise and self devotion, sexual perversion as well.

So this is my take on modesty for men and women. I respect my girlfriend and she respects me and herself. She never posts herself online in swimming clothes unless absolutely innocently. She trusts me that my preference at swimming briefs aren’t to draw attention to myself from other women.

Neither of us allow a modern world that sexualizes the male and female body (most of all) to hinder our freedoms in Christ. We remember that modesty is about respect, humility, and presenting ourselves as being in awe of God with humility.