Everyday im getting worse and worse
There is no day where I don't cry or lose my temper. I hate being like this, I've always been like this since I was a kid, I always end up messing good things and make everyone awkward, I wish I wasn't so jealous of everything and everyone, I wish I feel good with who I am and how I look. I keep thinking of relapsing every time I am stressed out at things only my mind can understand, I have only picked on my lips and finger's skin till it bleeds, it hurts but I feel like I deserve it, im not a good person, im an hypocrite, im impulsive and im not good at being good. No matter how try I hard to make everyone pleased I always end up being hated for being myself. Im ruining my relationship and ik damn well im tiring my boyfriend, because of how insecure and shitty I am, no one deserves a depressed girlfriend like me...another thought that scratches the back of my mind almost everyday is the fact that I really wish I was raped instead of just harrassed and touched so I dont feel so guilty for feeling this bad about myself, maybe if that happend people would understand why im like this, but im never taken seriously by the few people I have told...im so disgusting for thinking that giving myself sexually is the only way I feel loved and wanted, and I want to feel like that, even if it makes me cry hours later, my fault, as always. I hate myself..I want to be a pretty girl with friends and a nice life.