u/SuitableCap3357

(please excuse my grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language.)

I've been trying so hard to find someone that I can talk to about things that bothers me. But I've never even once met someone that gets it. Even here on reddit.

I don't get why am I so hard to understand. Am I emotionless? Too blunt? Thinking too much??

I've read theories on my questions. I rarely find one that's logical enough for me. I hate it. I'm just a highschooler and I'm fussing about a professional's theory. What.

I'm a 10th grader. I got 120+ IQ results on my IQ test last year. It didn't bother me at all, I was happy with the result. But suddenly, my brain becomes so wild once I don't feed it puzzles to solve since. And when it does, it spirals everywhere. To nihilism, how the brain works, where consciousness exist, etc. It can't stop because it can't find the reason. But there's not a single logical answer to it's question.

And now I'm stuck feeding this brain. Does anyone, somehow experience this?? Or am I alone in this???

I once talked to an ai, and I asked about something interesting to debate on. And the matter was, "are humans truly free?"

I've never thought about it til then. I think humans are just slaves to their brains. Can you really control your brain? Think about it and let it sink in. It could limit your strength just so you won't hurt your muscles, but in an emergency, it throws the limit. Still think human is free?

I thought about it. We're just a biological machine, made to continue the species, just like any other animals. What makes us different? Just intelligence. Other animals have other strength to survive. What makes us so special?

Why are humans so desperate to be useful, different and special? In the end, every being in this earth is just a speck of dust in the universe. Humans starve for power, because it's helpless in the enormous universe.

Have you ever told someone that they're an animal? They'll say no. We ARE animals. They just feel special.

Have you thought about it that way?

I am still a teenager in highschool, I've always handled my thoughts lightly in middle school, but after I've entered high school, my brain gets harder to control. It spirals everytime I don't feed it enough. It's such a chore because it decides which is interesting and important, which is not. And it's not easy finding one good enough. I've always thought my 123 IQ (tested) is light work. It's not. I keep thinking about abstract things. Not something really normal for my age. For example, consciousness, death, existence, universe, nihilism, human's nature, and I can't stop. I keep seeing things in patterns, like human's behavior. How almost every human is selfish to survive, etc. I need advice on how to control my thoughts better.