u/Suitable_Carob4525

Hello I made a post a few days ago. I don't know how reddit works but it said that the post was locked so I am not sure If you guys got to see my final update so here it is:

FINAL UPDATE (hopefully): its been a few days since I last updated. My parents had their get together last night and I didn't leave my room. Then today my parents and I had an argument. For the past few days I was given advice from you all but also people in my personal life about how I should try to set boundaries more and find a better way at communicating while trying to navigate this new dynamic with my parents now that I am an adult. Our argument started over something small but one of my parents tends to snowball and go on long tangents so a lot of things were discussed. We both have this understanding that the way we deal with eachother isn't the best way to go about it . Unfortunately with this parent I feel like we don't end up anywhere new after having these conversations, it still feels like I am the kid so I am in the wrong or am being lectured/scolded.

I even explained that to them and they said they have tried other things and we both understand how it's just hard trying to figure out what's working with us. Anyways we talked about many things, brought up many upset feelings, built up resentment etc. I tried my best to be mature and composed and just trying to stand up for myself but there were moments where I became emotional and cried. It felt like even though I was explaining how the approach they have with me feels a certain way they still kept that approach during the conversation which was frustrating.

I also kept thinking I needed to be honest and share my thoughts about their relationship but it was too heated and I didn't think it would have been the best time to bring it up because they way my parent was talking to me made me feel uneasy to bring up that. I think my main problem is just my dynamic with them right now, not their relationship. And I'm not trying to say I am always on the rocky side with my parents, most of the time everything is chill however when we do have our moments it's a lot because we have this clash as well as misunderstandings.

My other parent was a bit of a mediator, sometimes defending me or my other parent but they were also a part of the conversation. We went in to many things like I've said but I won't get into much else because this post would be too long. Basically I'll see if anything from this conversation sticks cause I hope so but I still felt unsatisfied afterwards because I don't know if anything will come of it. After that conversation where we were now resolved the parent I was clashing with left the house. My older sibling and my other parent were talking and they brought up the hangout from last night. My parent asked me if I wanted to continue at least being invited/ever want to join in said hangouts. I said that it would depend so obviously they wondered what I meant by that, then my sibling asked if it would depend on who would be there. I am not sure what kind of courage came over me but I decided it was time to be honest about how I felt.

I mentioned how I have been struggling with my parents relationship and being uncomfortable and being upset because I didn't want that to be the case, I talked about how it feels like they are both out of the house and it doesn't feel like we spend enough time as a family and that I don't think I am ready to really meet their partners. I went into everything and I wish I could go into the whole convo and such but it's too late, I am tired and we talked for a long time. I thought my parent wouldn't understand but they heard me out through the entire thing and thankfully validated literally every single point or thought/feeling I had about what was happening.

The relief I felt finally saying what I wanted to say was so good. My parent apologized and so did I, (them for making me uncomfortable and me for not communicating) We talked more and honestly after a while I felt more open to meeting their partners. I don't think I am quite ready right now but I feel more open to it and at least one of my parents is understanding of that. I don't know when/how I will have this conversation with my other parent, but I will do it. I now realize that I just need to work on my relationship with my parents more. I am still nervous about these partners and such but it's not because of the poly aspect its just cause I am an anxious person. Thank you for all the advice and kind words and support, I truly needed it.

I wish I could tell the whole story but I am scared that there is a chance one of my parents finding out it's me but I truly need to talk to someone about this. First I would like to say I found out about my parents poly lifestyle when I was in middle school and I found out in not so great terms (I thought one of my parents was cheating) after I had a conversation about it with the parent I still felt upset by it, at the time I didn't want them to have that kind of relationship but my parent was like "I am gonna do what I am gonna do and you can't control that". And I don't know why it bugs me that this is their lifestyle, my parents say they don't love eachother or me and my siblings less which I never doubted.

Heres the thing I don't frown upon poly people like it's not my business and also how lovely is it to have so much love in your life right, but for some reason it bugs me that my parents have this lifestyle. I don't want to be bothered by it though and I don't know how to get over what ever it is that I am feeling about this. I am an adult now still living with them and I get upset when my parents are always out with their partners like they spend nights with there partners and I am home taking care of my little siblings. Also for a awhile I was the only sibling who knew.

I think my parents think im supportive(?) / ok with it because they are always telling me about their partners or if they are taking to someone new. (My parents date other people separately, to my knowledge if that means anything) like they are more open about it now that I am older. And hearing about it bugs me like I don't know or have met their partners so I don't really want to know about these people that they see separately. One of my parents tried to introduce me to one of them one time because they were like "I want two important people in my life to meet eachother" which I understand but also I wasn't having it, thankfully my parent thought I didn't want to meet their partner because I am shy.

I know this isn't something I can change on their end, I gave up on that early on when I was in middle school, I was semi accepting through some years but now that they are more open about it with me I realize I still have some sort of upsetting thoughts about it. I love my parents and I want to not be bothered by their relationship but for some reason I can't get over this hurdle. I came here hoping to either get other kids of poly relationships insight or maybe poly parents as well or any insight honestly. I am just hoping that maybe someone else's wisdom can help me change perspective so that I am not bothered by it anymore.

I wish I could tell the whole story but I am scared that there is a chance one of my parents finding out it's me but I truly need to talk to someone about this. First I would like to say I found out about my parents poly lifestyle when I was in middle school and I found out in not so great terms (I thought one of my parents was cheating) after I had a conversation about it with the parent I still felt upset by it, at the time I didn't want them to have that kind of relationship but my parent was like "I am gonna do what I am gonna do and you can't control that". And I don't know why it bugs me that this is their lifestyle, my parents say they don't love eachother or me and my siblings less which I never doubted.

Heres the thing I don't frown upon poly people like it's not my business and also how lovely is it to have so much love in your life right, but for some reason it bugs me that my parents have this lifestyle. I don't want to be bothered by it though and I don't know how to get over what ever it is that I am feeling about this. I am an adult now still living with them and I get upset when my parents are always out with their partners like they spend nights with there partners and I am home taking care of my little siblings. Also for a awhile I was the only sibling who knew.

I think my parents think im supportive(?) / ok with it because they are always telling me about their partners or if they are taking to someone new. (My parents date other people separately, to my knowledge if that means anything) like they are more open about it now that I am older. And hearing about it bugs me like I don't know or have met their partners so I don't really want to know about these people that they see separately. One of my parents tried to introduce me to one of them one time because they were like "I want two important people in my life to meet eachother" which I understand but also I wasn't having it, thankfully my parent thought I didn't want to meet their partner because I am shy.

I know this isn't something I can change on their end, I gave up on that early on when I was in middle school, I was semi accepting through some years but now that they are more open about it with me I realize I still have some sort of upsetting thoughts about it. I love my parents and I want to not be bothered by their relationship but for some reason I can't get over this hurdle. I came here hoping to either get other kids of poly relationships insight or maybe poly parents as well. I am just hoping that maybe someone else's wisdom can help me change perspective so that I am not bothered by it anymore.

edit: my apologies for some unclear things, many of you have assumed that they talk to me about their sex lives, they don't. But this situation does make me think about them being with other people and I feel discomfort when I realize that that is potentially what is happening when my parents are gone for the night. Also I was hoping for advice or insight on how to feel comfortable and get over feeling upset by their lifestyle. Again I don't veiw my parents or poly relationships as icky or bad and wrong or un-ethical. I've realized though that some part that might be bugging me is the fact that I do watch my siblings a lot but I don't really pay rent (I am unemployed right now, my parents have asked me to pay rent with my financial aid money on occasion) But I don't think that watching my siblings is the only thing that is upsetting me. I know this must be frustrating to read because maybe I am not explaining my thoughts and feelings well but I hope you know I am frustrated with myself more than anything. I am so confused and upset because I don't know why I am bothered and why I can't just not be.

semi update: I have read every​ comment so far, thank you for everyone's thoughts it has helped in some ways and also not in others. I was going to go into what it's been like trying to establish boundaries with my parents and try to explain that dynamic and also how I have been treated now that I am an adult but I don't have the time to do that this moment as well as a new situation has came up and there is something seriously wrong with me because why am I upset about this when I don't want to be? My parents are having a get together tomorrow where both of their partners as well as some friends are coming over,(first time that their partners were supposed to come over into our house ever) I was already nervous for that but I was probably going to stay in my room. I don't like people coming over to our house because I am shy and not used to that, we like never have anybody over. (some one in the comments asked about if I had anxiety and yeah I get anxiety overall and socially as well. I'm aware that I get nervous when it comes to sharing my feelings because the reactions I get not just from my parents but from other people in the past has made it hard to feel comfortable to talk about my feelings, I tend to just not say anything.)

Anyways I was semi prepared for tomorrow but it turns out today one of my parents and their partner are gonna be in the living room today and when they told me I still felt upset. honestly I thought after reading a bunch of comments and going to bed I thought I'd wake up and not feel this way anymore...I know that probably sounds crazy but I was hoping that was the case. I have mini errands today so my main problem is I don't want to come home and see my parent and their partner in the living room. If I didn't have to leave my room I wouldn't (someone else made a comment about if I am always home which yeah I am the one who is home the most). I know this is so stupid, being avoident, anxious and I feel arrogant, I hate feeling this way.

I feel llike either on my way out or back in I'll see my parents partner and I don't know what is going to happen. Things are moving a bit fast now that my older sibling knows. Their partners aren't apart of my family and it feels weird to think they will all be in my home. Their relationship has nothing to do with me but it's now starting to impact me more deeply. Again I'm just frustrated with myself, you would think I'd be over/used to it after I have known about this for like 7 or 8 years now.

update pt 2: One of my parents partners is here, I walked out of room saw them and quickly retreated (I wasn't comfortable in the outfit I was wearing and to be honest I tend to scurry to my room whenever someone comes over). My parent just knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to meet them and my parent was like "You are leaving for your errands soon so you like kinda need to knowledge them." My little siblings were snooping behind my parent which I am kinda thankful for it gave me a bit of a buffer...as im writing this out I am so disappointed in myself, I sound so childish and ridiculous geez. Anyways I said "I don't have to though" and my parent had a look on their face, I don't know how to describe it but it was definitely giving to me a "are you for real" or "what's wrong with you" kind of look and then my parent said something like think about it / its up to you. I am nervous to leave my room now but I have things I need to do in a timely manner. Geez I haven't felt this emotional in so long I have had to stop myself from crying like 3 times today and I even cried myself to sleep last night. I just feel like I am the only problem.

mini update: many of yall have suggested therapy, I have done therapy before but back then I didn't mention it. I liked therapy and have been wanting to go back because geez this is not my only problem that needs to be unpacked right now lol. For a quick fix my school does free therapy for 6 ish weeks at a time so I signed up for that and hopefully some sessions can help me sort some things out. I for sure want a therapist consistently though. I am beside myself, I cried in the shower, while getting ready and while driving to my errands, genuinely what is wrong with me I don't normally cry. When I left for my errands my parents partner was in the restroom I think or playing with my younger siblings, I'm not sure but I was able to leave. When I came back I was on the phone with a friend and I saw my parent and their partner on the couch, I made eye contact with the partner and just gave probably an awkward and curt smile, I stayed in my room (for a while, I didn't have a chance to eat before my parents partner came over and I was too nervous to go out to the kitchen while they were still in the livingroom.)

I have been seeing my parents being frowned upon in the comments and I just want to say it's my fault that I was too nervous to go out and get myself food, I need to just learn to be comfortable with this situation because theres nothing I can do about it, I want to be ok with it. Eventually my parent came in and said they were leaving and that I was the only one in the house, so I was able to get myself some food. I know this is pathetic and that I am acting cowardly and childish and even though I am aware I don't know how to gather courage and overcome these feelings. But again I signed up for therapy so maybe that can help me. Thank you again for all the comments, it truly has helped me realize some things.