u/Suitable_Carob4525

I wish I could tell the whole story but I am scared that there is a chance one of my parents finding out it's me but I truly need to talk to someone about this. First I would like to say I found out about my parents poly lifestyle when I was in middle school and I found out in not so great terms (I thought one of my parents was cheating) after I had a conversation about it with the parent I still felt upset by it, at the time I didn't want them to have that kind of relationship but my parent was like "I am gonna do what I am gonna do and you can't control that". And I don't know why it bugs me that this is their lifestyle, my parents say they don't love eachother or me and my siblings less which I never doubted.

Heres the thing I don't frown upon poly people like it's not my business and also how lovely is it to have so much love in your life right, but for some reason it bugs me that my parents have this lifestyle. I don't want to be bothered by it though and I don't know how to get over what ever it is that I am feeling about this. I am an adult now still living with them and I get upset when my parents are always out with their partners like they spend nights with there partners and I am home taking care of my little siblings. Also for a awhile I was the only sibling who knew.

I think my parents think im supportive(?) / ok with it because they are always telling me about their partners or if they are taking to someone new. (My parents date other people separately, to my knowledge if that means anything) like they are more open about it now that I am older. And hearing about it bugs me like I don't know or have met their partners so I don't really want to know about these people that they see separately. One of my parents tried to introduce me to one of them one time because they were like "I want two important people in my life to meet eachother" which I understand but also I wasn't having it, thankfully my parent thought I didn't want to meet their partner because I am shy.

I know this isn't something I can change on their end, I gave up on that early on when I was in middle school, I was semi accepting through some years but now that they are more open about it with me I realize I still have some sort of upsetting thoughts about it. I love my parents and I want to not be bothered by their relationship but for some reason I can't get over this hurdle. I came here hoping to either get other kids of poly relationships insight or maybe poly parents as well or any insight honestly. I am just hoping that maybe someone else's wisdom can help me change perspective so that I am not bothered by it anymore.

I wish I could tell the whole story but I am scared that there is a chance one of my parents finding out it's me but I truly need to talk to someone about this. First I would like to say I found out about my parents poly lifestyle when I was in middle school and I found out in not so great terms (I thought one of my parents was cheating) after I had a conversation about it with the parent I still felt upset by it, at the time I didn't want them to have that kind of relationship but my parent was like "I am gonna do what I am gonna do and you can't control that". And I don't know why it bugs me that this is their lifestyle, my parents say they don't love eachother or me and my siblings less which I never doubted.

Heres the thing I don't frown upon poly people like it's not my business and also how lovely is it to have so much love in your life right, but for some reason it bugs me that my parents have this lifestyle. I don't want to be bothered by it though and I don't know how to get over what ever it is that I am feeling about this. I am an adult now still living with them and I get upset when my parents are always out with their partners like they spend nights with there partners and I am home taking care of my little siblings. Also for a awhile I was the only sibling who knew.

I think my parents think im supportive(?) / ok with it because they are always telling me about their partners or if they are taking to someone new. (My parents date other people separately, to my knowledge if that means anything) like they are more open about it now that I am older. And hearing about it bugs me like I don't know or have met their partners so I don't really want to know about these people that they see separately. One of my parents tried to introduce me to one of them one time because they were like "I want two important people in my life to meet eachother" which I understand but also I wasn't having it, thankfully my parent thought I didn't want to meet their partner because I am shy.

I know this isn't something I can change on their end, I gave up on that early on when I was in middle school, I was semi accepting through some years but now that they are more open about it with me I realize I still have some sort of upsetting thoughts about it. I love my parents and I want to not be bothered by their relationship but for some reason I can't get over this hurdle. I came here hoping to either get other kids of poly relationships insight or maybe poly parents as well. I am just hoping that maybe someone else's wisdom can help me change perspective so that I am not bothered by it anymore.

edit: my apologies for some unclear things, many of you have assumed that they talk to me about their sex lives, they don't. But this situation does make me think about them being with other people and I feel discomfort when I realize that that is potentially what is happening when my parents are gone for the night. Also I was hoping for advice or insight on how to feel comfortable and get over feeling upset by their lifestyle. Again I don't veiw my parents or poly relationships as icky or bad and wrong or un-ethical. I've realized though that some part that might be bugging me is the fact that I do watch my siblings a lot but I don't really pay rent (I am unemployed right now, my parents have asked me to pay rent with my financial aid money on occasion) But I don't think that watching my siblings is the only thing that is upsetting me. I know this must be frustrating to read because maybe I am not explaining my thoughts and feeling well but I hope you know I am frustrated with myself more than anything. I am so confused and upset because I don't know why I am bothered and why I can't just not be.

semi update: I have read every​ comment so far, thank you for everyone's thoughts it has helped in some ways and also not in others. I was going to go into what it's been like trying to establish boundaries with my parents and try to explain that dynamic and also how I have been treated now that I am an adult but I don't have the time to do that this moment as well as a new situation has came up and there is something seriously wrong with me because why am I upset about this when I don't want to be? My parents are having a get together tomorrow where both of their partners as well as some friends are coming over,(first time that their partners were supposed to come over into our house ever) I was already nervous for that but I was probably going to stay in my room. I don't like people coming over to our house because I am shy and not used to that, we like never have anybody over. (some one in the comments asked about if I had anxiety and yeah I get anxiety overall and socially as well. I'm aware that I get nervous when it comes to sharing my feelings because the reactions I get not just from my parents but from other people in the past has made it hard to feel comfortable to talk about my feelings, I tend to just not say anything.)

Anyways I was semi prepared for tomorrow but it turns out today one of my parents and their partner are gonna be in the living room today and when they told me I still felt upset. honestly I thought after reading a bunch of comments and going to bed I thought I'd wake up and not feel this way anymore...I know that probably sounds crazy but I was hoping that was the case. I have mini errands today so my main problem is I don't want to come home and see my parent and their partner in the living room. If I didn't have to leave my room I wouldn't (someone else made a comment about if I am always home which yeah I am the one who is home the most). I know this is so stupid, being avoident, anxious and I feel arrogant, I hate feeling this way.

I feel llike either on my way out or back in I'll see my parents partner and I don't know what is going to happen. Things are moving a bit fast now that my older sibling knows. Their partners aren't apart of my family and it feels weird to think they will all be in my home. Their relationship has nothing to do with me but it's now starting to impact me more deeply. Again I'm just frustrated with myself, you would think I'd be over/used to it after I have known about this for like 7 or 8 years now.

update pt 2: One of my parents partners is here, I walked out of room saw them and quickly retreated (I wasn't comfortable in the outfit I was wearing and to be honest I tend to scurry to my room whenever someone comes over). My parent just knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to meet them and my parent was like "You are leaving for your errands soon so you like kinda need to knowledge them." My little siblings were snooping behind my parent which I am kinda thankful for it gave me a bit of a buffer...as im writing this out I am so disappointed in myself, I sound so childish and ridiculous geez. Anyways I said "I don't have to though" and my parent has a look on their face, I don't know how to describe it but it was definitely giving to me a "are you for real" or "what's wrong with you" kind of look and then my parent said something like think about it/ its up to you. I am nervous to leave my room now but I have things I need to do in a timely manner. Geez I haven't felt this emotional in so long I have had to stop myself from crying like 3 times today and I even cried myself to sleep last night. I just feel like I am the only problem.