u/Sumchi

A friend and I have been riding a lot together. He was unhappy with his bike because my Freesky was so much nicer. He recently bought an Eahora Romeo 2, and that thing is fast. I'm not into the speed, and it's a heavy beast. The issue is that he now loves to take off and end up miles down the road at a curve or gas station, waiting for me. This isn't fun for me, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell him I'm probably going to start chilling and riding alone.

The main reason we started riding together was that he had no friends with bikes, and neither did I, and I have frequent epilepsy. It was nice knowing a buddy was there if I had an episode, to get me off the road and into a ditch or wherever. How does that work if he's always miles ahead of me, lol?

This might sound like a strange issue to most people because we're adults, but having a disability makes you look at the world differently. I have to pick who I ride with carefully. When I was younger, people would run and bail when I had an episode because they freaked out, not knowing what was going on. Waking up in the hospital, being accused of being on dope, and not remembering anything because all your friends bailed when you had a seizure really sucks.

I guess I'm asking: how would you approach your friend about slowing down so you could continue riding together without ruining their fun or yours?

A friend and I have been riding a lot together. He was unhappy with his bike because my Freesky was so much nicer. He recently bought an Eahora Romeo 2, and that thing is fast. I'm not into the speed, and it's a heavy beast. The issue is that he now loves to take off and end up miles down the road at a curve or gas station, waiting for me. This isn't fun for me, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell him I'm probably going to start chilling and riding alone.

The main reason we started riding together was that he had no friends with bikes, and neither did I, and I have frequent epilepsy. It was nice knowing a buddy was there if I had an episode, to get me off the road and into a ditch or wherever. How does that work if he's always miles ahead of me, lol?

This might sound like a strange issue to most people because we're adults, but having a disability makes you look at the world differently. I have to pick who I ride with carefully. When I was younger, people would run and bail when I had an episode because they freaked out, not knowing what was going on. Waking up in the hospital, being accused of being on dope, and not remembering anything because all your friends bailed when you had a seizure really sucks.

I guess I'm asking: how would you approach your friend about slowing down so you could continue riding together without ruining their fun or yours?

Original post is in my history. Wanted to update because a lot of you asked good questions and I want to answer them honestly.

Where she went that night: I still don't actually know. She refuses to tell me or the kids. My best guess is she slept in the car and figured it out the next morning. She's alive, she's okay, that's what matters. To the people who were worried about her safety that night, I hear you. I was worried too once the adrenaline wore off. But she wouldn't tell me, and at this point that's her right.

Where she is now: This part is wild. She ended up moving in "temporarily" with my mother's best friend. I have no idea how that happened. And now my mom and her friend are arguing because the friend thinks my mom should be getting on to me for "not giving Kayla anywhere to go," like this is somehow my fault. I'm a grown man, divorced over a year, and apparently I'm still supposed to be housing the woman who cheated on me. Make it make sense.

She's come back to the house a few times. Only to see the kids and grab more of her stuff. No fights. I told her from day one she can take whatever she wants, the house is mine and that's the only line. I've actually been helping. I've started cleaning up and gathering her things into one spot so it's easy for her to load up when she comes by.

The kids:

My 19-year-old daughter was mad at first. We've talked since. She gets it. We all ate dinner together the other night and it was good. Actually good, not performative good.

My 16-year-old son has turned into a different person in three days. He's washing his own clothes. Cleaning up after himself without being asked. I don't know what flipped in his head but I'm not going to question it. He works after school for my mom at her restaurant and spends his own money on what he wants. He's doing fine.

A lot of you said the kids need therapy. Maybe. I'm not ruling it out. But I want to push back a little. My daughter is in college, has a part-time job making solid money, and is functional. My son is 16, employed, responsible, and just started acting like an adult unprompted. If they want therapy, I'll pay for it. But I'm not going to force them into a chair to talk about feelings they're already processing in front of me at the dinner table.

Me:

I feel lighter. Peaceful, even. I've started listening to music again. I'd forgotten how much I used to love that. I'd forgotten a lot of the things I used to like, honestly. It's like I'm meeting myself again.

I'm sleeping well. The house is quiet in a way it hasn't been in years. But yeah, the loneliness is there too. There's no one to tell my day to. I'm not out hunting for another woman, that's not where my head is at, but I can feel the empty seat across from me. I figured that part was coming. It's manageable. I have a business to run and a day job to go to, so I'm not sitting around in it.

My aunt thinks I'm having a midlife crisis and is mad at me. She'll get over it or she won't. I'm done shaping my life around what other people think I should be doing.

That's the update. Thanks to everyone who commented on the original. Even the people calling me an asshole, you were heard. That's all I really wanted from this in the first place.

Original post is in my history. Wanted to update because a lot of you asked good questions and I want to answer them honestly.

Where she went that night: I still don't actually know. She refuses to tell me or the kids. My best guess is she slept in the car and figured it out the next morning. She's alive, she's okay, that's what matters. To the people who were worried about her safety that night, I hear you. I was worried too once the adrenaline wore off. But she wouldn't tell me, and at this point that's her right.

Where she is now: This part is wild. She ended up moving in "temporarily" with my mother's best friend. I have no idea how that happened. And now my mom and her friend are arguing because the friend thinks my mom should be getting on to me for "not giving Kayla anywhere to go," like this is somehow my fault. I'm a grown man, divorced over a year, and apparently I'm still supposed to be housing the woman who cheated on me. Make it make sense.

She's come back to the house a few times. Only to see the kids and grab more of her stuff. No fights. I told her from day one she can take whatever she wants, the house is mine and that's the only line. I've actually been helping. I've started cleaning up and gathering her things into one spot so it's easy for her to load up when she comes by.

The kids:

My 19-year-old daughter was mad at first. We've talked since. She gets it. We all ate dinner together the other night and it was good. Actually good, not performative good.

My 16-year-old son has turned into a different person in three days. He's washing his own clothes. Cleaning up after himself without being asked. I don't know what flipped in his head but I'm not going to question it. He works after school for my mom at her restaurant and spends his own money on what he wants. He's doing fine.

A lot of you said the kids need therapy. Maybe. I'm not ruling it out. But I want to push back a little. My daughter is in college, has a part-time job making solid money, and is functional. My son is 16, employed, responsible, and just started acting like an adult unprompted. If they want therapy, I'll pay for it. But I'm not going to force them into a chair to talk about feelings they're already processing in front of me at the dinner table.

Me:

I feel lighter. Peaceful, even. I've started listening to music again. I'd forgotten how much I used to love that. I'd forgotten a lot of the things I used to like, honestly. It's like I'm meeting myself again.

I'm sleeping well. The house is quiet in a way it hasn't been in years. But yeah, the loneliness is there too. There's no one to tell my day to. I'm not out hunting for another woman, that's not where my head is at, but I can feel the empty seat across from me. I figured that part was coming. It's manageable. I have a business to run and a day job to go to, so I'm not sitting around in it.

My aunt thinks I'm having a midlife crisis and is mad at me. She'll get over it or she won't. I'm done shaping my life around what other people think I should be doing.

That's the update. Thanks to everyone who commented on the original. Even the people calling me an asshole, you were heard. That's all I really wanted from this in the first place.

I need to put this somewhere. Reddit, do whatever you do. Call me an asshole, tell me I did the right thing, I just need to be heard.

I met my ex when we were both 27. Lived together a year, got married, were together about ten years total. I'll say up front: I'm not a sexual person. Never really have been. I don't think about it unless someone makes me think about it. It's not something I'm doing on purpose, it's just how I'm wired.

During the pandemic I was unemployed. Stressed. Sex slowed down. To be fair to her, she did let me know she wasn't happy about it. But the way it came out was through arguments. Big ones. That usually ended with me having sex I didn't really want to have, just to make the fight stop. Submission sex, basically. So no, it's not like she suffered in silence and I missed all the signs. The signs were screaming at me. I just wasn't meeting them with desire, I was meeting them with surrender.

Apparently that wasn't enough. She decided I thought she was unattractive, and instead of bringing it up calmly, she went and slept with someone else. A woman, actually. Someone I knew.

Here's the part that still wrecks me. If she had come to me and said she wanted to be with someone else, I would have been 100% okay with it. I'm not a jealous, possessive guy. I don't guard people. She didn't even have to lie. All she had to do was talk to me without it being a fight. Instead, she gave me an STD.

That's how I found out. I'd been 100% faithful. I went to the clinic, got the results, came home and confronted her. She confessed.

I tried to leave that night. She threw herself in front of the car. Yanked the door open while I was trying to pull away. Screamed at me not to leave, basically daring me to hurt her with the car so I'd have to stop. It worked. I gave up trying to leave.

I never got to confront the woman she cheated with. She died days later in a seizure-related incident. Whatever I needed to say or hear from her got buried with her.

A few weeks later I had to go back to the clinic. I made my ex come with me. The doctor said we both needed treatment again. She swore she hadn't stepped out a second time. The doctor did his best to convince me sometimes infections need multiple rounds. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was being kind. I'll never actually know.

Then came years of me trying to get her out of my life. She wouldn't sign divorce papers. So I lied. My parents pretty much hated her after the infidelity, and my mom had been hinting that if I wasn't with her anymore, she'd help me get a new vehicle (my credit is wrecked, that's a whole other story). So I told my ex that if we got divorced, my mom would help me get a new car so I could get her to work and the kids where they needed to go. That was never actually going to happen, that car was for me. She signed. When the court date came in the mail, I "forgot" to mention it. Divorced March 2025. Yeah, I tricked her. Judge me if you want. After what she did, and the car stunt the night I tried to leave, I was out of clean options.

Even after the divorce, we kept living together. Almost 14 more months. The house is mine, the kids are hers from a previous relationship (19 and 16, raised them as my own), and I was terrified that if she left, the kids would follow her out the door and end up homeless in her car. They've been homeless before, with her. Years ago we lost a string of rent houses because of her drug addictions. I got her clean by moving us to the Oklahoma panhandle for 6 months where she didn't know a soul, while I worked at a pork plant and she went through DTs in our hotel room. So my kids know exactly what being homeless looks like. They didn't want to relive it.

Last night was the end. Huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about. There was a tornado warning. Pouring rain. I told her to get out and I meant it. I didn't care anymore. And yeah, Reddit, I know how that sounds. I told a woman to leave during a tornado warning. I'm telling you the whole truth, not the clean version.

She packed her stuff and left. On her way out, she was screaming at our 19-year-old daughter, "Yes I cheated but I paid for it, it was 6 years ago."

That's how she sees it. Six years ago. Paid for it. Case closed. I don't know how she thinks she paid for it, unless it was just enduring my anger. And yeah, I have anger. The kids have seen me hit walls. They've heard me scream loud enough I'm surprised I haven't burst a vessel. They know exactly who their mother is and they know exactly who I am, because we don't keep secrets in this house.

The kids refused to go with her. Storm or no storm. They stayed.

She hasn't come back. I don't know where she went. I hope she's safe. I hope she gets her own place. The kids can see her whenever they want, however often they want. That's their mom, that's their call. My 16-year-old son is starting to talk to me again. My 19-year-old daughter has been at work all day, we've barely overlapped. I'll talk to her when there's time.

I feel relieved. Not happy. Relieved. Like I can stop walking on eggshells in my own house. I've been telling her for years to save her money and get a place. She never did. So last night the storm did it for her.

I don't want her back. I just wanted to be heard.

I need to put this somewhere. Reddit, do whatever you do. Call me an asshole, tell me I did the right thing, I just need to be heard.

I met my ex when we were both 27. Lived together a year, got married, were together about ten years total. I'll say up front: I'm not a sexual person. Never really have been. I don't think about it unless someone makes me think about it. It's not something I'm doing on purpose, it's just how I'm wired.

During the pandemic I was unemployed. Stressed. Sex slowed down. To be fair to her, she did let me know she wasn't happy about it. But the way it came out was through arguments. Big ones. That usually ended with me having sex I didn't really want to have, just to make the fight stop. Submission sex, basically. So no, it's not like she suffered in silence and I missed all the signs. The signs were screaming at me. I just wasn't meeting them with desire, I was meeting them with surrender.

Apparently that wasn't enough. She decided I thought she was unattractive, and instead of bringing it up calmly, she went and slept with someone else. A woman, actually. Someone I knew.

Here's the part that still wrecks me. If she had come to me and said she wanted to be with someone else, I would have been 100% okay with it. I'm not a jealous, possessive guy. I don't guard people. She didn't even have to lie. All she had to do was talk to me without it being a fight. Instead, she gave me an STD.

That's how I found out. I'd been 100% faithful. I went to the clinic, got the results, came home and confronted her. She confessed.

I tried to leave that night. She threw herself in front of the car. Yanked the door open while I was trying to pull away. Screamed at me not to leave, basically daring me to hurt her with the car so I'd have to stop. It worked. I gave up trying to leave.

I never got to confront the woman she cheated with. She died days later in a seizure-related incident. Whatever I needed to say or hear from her got buried with her.

A few weeks later I had to go back to the clinic. I made my ex come with me. The doctor said we both needed treatment again. She swore she hadn't stepped out a second time. The doctor did his best to convince me sometimes infections need multiple rounds. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was being kind. I'll never actually know.

Then came years of me trying to get her out of my life. She wouldn't sign divorce papers. So I lied. My parents pretty much hated her after the infidelity, and my mom had been hinting that if I wasn't with her anymore, she'd help me get a new vehicle (my credit is wrecked, that's a whole other story). So I told my ex that if we got divorced, my mom would help me get a new car so I could get her to work and the kids where they needed to go. That was never actually going to happen, that car was for me. She signed. When the court date came in the mail, I "forgot" to mention it. Divorced March 2025. Yeah, I tricked her. Judge me if you want. After what she did, and the car stunt the night I tried to leave, I was out of clean options.

Even after the divorce, we kept living together. Almost 14 more months. The house is mine, the kids are hers from a previous relationship (19 and 16, raised them as my own), and I was terrified that if she left, the kids would follow her out the door and end up homeless in her car. They've been homeless before, with her. Years ago we lost a string of rent houses because of her drug addictions. I got her clean by moving us to the Oklahoma panhandle for 6 months where she didn't know a soul, while I worked at a pork plant and she went through DTs in our hotel room. So my kids know exactly what being homeless looks like. They didn't want to relive it.

Last night was the end. Huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about. There was a tornado warning. Pouring rain. I told her to get out and I meant it. I didn't care anymore. And yeah, Reddit, I know how that sounds. I told a woman to leave during a tornado warning. I'm telling you the whole truth, not the clean version.

She packed her stuff and left. On her way out, she was screaming at our 19-year-old daughter, "Yes I cheated but I paid for it, it was 6 years ago."

That's how she sees it. Six years ago. Paid for it. Case closed. I don't know how she thinks she paid for it, unless it was just enduring my anger. And yeah, I have anger. The kids have seen me hit walls. They've heard me scream loud enough I'm surprised I haven't burst a vessel. They know exactly who their mother is and they know exactly who I am, because we don't keep secrets in this house.

The kids refused to go with her. Storm or no storm. They stayed.

She hasn't come back. I don't know where she went. I hope she's safe. I hope she gets her own place. The kids can see her whenever they want, however often they want. That's their mom, that's their call. My 16-year-old son is starting to talk to me again. My 19-year-old daughter has been at work all day, we've barely overlapped. I'll talk to her when there's time.

I feel relieved. Not happy. Relieved. Like I can stop walking on eggshells in my own house. I've been telling her for years to save her money and get a place. She never did. So last night the storm did it for her.

I don't want her back. I just wanted to be heard.

I need to put this somewhere. Reddit, do whatever you do. Call me an asshole, tell me I did the right thing, I just need to be heard.

I met my ex when we were both 27. Lived together a year, got married, were together about ten years total. I'll say up front: I'm not a sexual person. Never really have been. I don't think about it unless someone makes me think about it. It's not something I'm doing on purpose, it's just how I'm wired.

During the pandemic I was unemployed. Stressed. Sex slowed down. To be fair to her, she did let me know she wasn't happy about it. But the way it came out was through arguments. Big ones. That usually ended with me having sex I didn't really want to have, just to make the fight stop. Submission sex, basically. So no, it's not like she suffered in silence and I missed all the signs. The signs were screaming at me. I just wasn't meeting them with desire, I was meeting them with surrender.

Apparently that wasn't enough. She decided I thought she was unattractive, and instead of bringing it up calmly, she went and slept with someone else. A woman, actually. Someone I knew.

Here's the part that still wrecks me. If she had come to me and said she wanted to be with someone else, I would have been 100% okay with it. I'm not a jealous, possessive guy. I don't guard people. She didn't even have to lie. All she had to do was talk to me without it being a fight. Instead, she gave me an STD.

That's how I found out. I'd been 100% faithful. I went to the clinic, got the results, came home and confronted her. She confessed.

I tried to leave that night. She threw herself in front of the car. Yanked the door open while I was trying to pull away. Screamed at me not to leave, basically daring me to hurt her with the car so I'd have to stop. It worked. I gave up trying to leave.

I never got to confront the woman she cheated with. She died days later in a seizure-related incident. Whatever I needed to say or hear from her got buried with her.

A few weeks later I had to go back to the clinic. I made my ex come with me. The doctor said we both needed treatment again. She swore she hadn't stepped out a second time. The doctor did his best to convince me sometimes infections need multiple rounds. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was being kind. I'll never actually know.

Then came years of me trying to get her out of my life. She wouldn't sign divorce papers. So I lied. My parents pretty much hated her after the infidelity, and my mom had been hinting that if I wasn't with her anymore, she'd help me get a new vehicle (my credit is wrecked, that's a whole other story). So I told my ex that if we got divorced, my mom would help me get a new car so I could get her to work and the kids where they needed to go. That was never actually going to happen, that car was for me. She signed. When the court date came in the mail, I "forgot" to mention it. Divorced March 2025. Yeah, I tricked her. Judge me if you want. After what she did, and the car stunt the night I tried to leave, I was out of clean options.

Even after the divorce, we kept living together. Almost 14 more months. The house is mine, the kids are hers from a previous relationship (19 and 16, raised them as my own), and I was terrified that if she left, the kids would follow her out the door and end up homeless in her car. They've been homeless before, with her. Years ago we lost a string of rent houses because of her drug addictions. I got her clean by moving us to the Oklahoma panhandle for 6 months where she didn't know a soul, while I worked at a pork plant and she went through DTs in our hotel room. So my kids know exactly what being homeless looks like. They didn't want to relive it.

Last night was the end. Huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about. There was a tornado warning. Pouring rain. I told her to get out and I meant it. I didn't care anymore. And yeah, Reddit, I know how that sounds. I told a woman to leave during a tornado warning. I'm telling you the whole truth, not the clean version.

She packed her stuff and left. On her way out, she was screaming at our 19-year-old daughter, "Yes I cheated but I paid for it, it was 6 years ago."

That's how she sees it. Six years ago. Paid for it. Case closed. I don't know how she thinks she paid for it, unless it was just enduring my anger. And yeah, I have anger. The kids have seen me hit walls. They've heard me scream loud enough I'm surprised I haven't burst a vessel. They know exactly who their mother is and they know exactly who I am, because we don't keep secrets in this house.

The kids refused to go with her. Storm or no storm. They stayed.

She hasn't come back. I don't know where she went. I hope she's safe. I hope she gets her own place. The kids can see her whenever they want, however often they want. That's their mom, that's their call. My 16-year-old son is starting to talk to me again. My 19-year-old daughter has been at work all day, we've barely overlapped. I'll talk to her when there's time.

I feel relieved. Not happy. Relieved. Like I can stop walking on eggshells in my own house. I've been telling her for years to save her money and get a place. She never did. So last night the storm did it for her.

I don't want her back. I just wanted to be heard.