u/Summerofthe90s

I've decided to start writing on medium. I already spend a lot of time on Reddit talking about TV shows pop culture, history and topics of interest, and I realized I entre somewhere I coule turn some of those thoughts into more structured pieces.

My first article is actually an expanded and edited version of something I originally wrote here about Gossip Girl.

I plan to write more about any creative interests I have so take a look if you're interested.

https://medium.com/@sajaosman

The Captain was a terrible father to Nate, regardless of how he was portrayed in later seasons.

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Yeah, I kniw he has a redemption arc later on, and I do appreciate that he apologizes and takes some accountability later on. But what he put Nate through that was abusive no doubt about it.

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Lets start from the beginning.

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The Captain and Anne both pressured Nate to stay with Blair even when he expressed multiple times that he did not want to, and they did this for financial and social gain. Nate's happiness came second to their public image and sure I can chalk that up to toxic upper east side politics but everything after that can't be ignored.

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Then there's the cocaine storyline.

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Anne finds the drugs and immediately accuses Nate of using them while The Captains cowardly ass just sits there silently. He knows the drugs belong to him and instead of confessing and protecting his son, he lets him take the fall. Later he tells Nate that he will talk to Anne and keep him from being sent away but that is not accountability, that is cowardly behaviour. He should have confessed the moment Nate was falsely accused.

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Then there's the Waldorf dinner and this is The Captains worst parenting moment.

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When the Archibalds were having dinner at the Waldorfs, The Captain is high as fuck and behaves erratically. Him and Nate go outside to talk, Nate has to drag him outside luring him with Cigars. Nate the fucking child has being adultified and managing his father's behaviour and having to play caretaker once again.

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The Captain gets defensive and tries to go back inside, then Nate tries to stop him and he punches his son in the face.

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He cuts Nates lip in the process and draws blood.

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I don't give a fuck if he was under the influence of drugs.

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I don't give a fuck if he was stressed.

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He hit his child when his child was trying to look out for him.

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The police witnessed this. Nate didn't call them, he didn't alert them to anything, he never set his dad up. The cops saw a grown ass man punch a child in the face, approached the situation, asked Nate if he was okay. Even after doing that, The Captains cowardly ass tries to brush it off and say everything was okay and that Nate was just his son, so assaulting your child is okay?

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Nate doesn't cause his father's arrest the cops were doing that anyways he just told them to check his pockets while they were arresting him. And to top it off he tells the doorman to tell the Waldorfs that his dad went home sick instead of telling them that he got arrested.

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And the abuse doesn't stop there.

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After rehab, instead of facing the consequences of his crimes, The Captain plans to flee the country to avoid prosecution. Nate eventually finds out at Bart and Lilly's wedding and, in frustration, punches his father. I know the violence wasn't okay, but I also can't help wondering where Nate learned that physical aggression was an acceptable response to conflict. Hint. Maybe his dad?

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Then The Captain disappears.

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In the summer Nate has an affair with The Duchess 'Katherine' the predator sleeping with the minor. This is on both Anne and The Captain for being unaware and neglectful. Anne even more because she was there and it was under her nose but also cant help but thing this behaviour from Nate might be a coping mechanism to his dad fleeing the country.

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For months, The Captain abandons his family while Nate is left to deal with the fallout. Their possessions are seized because of his crimes. Nate ends up homeless. He's sexyally involved with an older woman who is exploiting him, by paying him for sex so that he can help his family financially and neither of his parents seem to realize what's happening.

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Anne absolutely deserves criticism for her neglect, which I've already written about twice, but let's not forget that Nate's life fell apart because of decisions his father made.

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And even after returning, The Captain slips back into his old habits, trying to get money from the Vanderbilts so he can run away again. The fact that Nate has to beg his own father to turn himself in and take responsibility is unbelievable, I felt so horrible for Nate he was on the verge of tears.

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No child should have to beg their parent to take accountability.

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I will admit that I do think The Captain eventually shows more growth than Anne. He apologizes to Nate and admits that he failed him. I don't think the apology was enough to erase the damage, but at least he acknowledged it and tried to repair their relationship.

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But redemption doesn't erase abuse.

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The Captain lied to Nate, allowed him to be blamed for his own drug use, physically assaulted him, abandoned him during a crisis, and repeatedly forced his son to carry responsibilities that belonged to the adults.

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Nate deserved parents who protected him.

I just don't get why Sene and Blair couldn't just be in the photoshoot together.

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I get the whole point of the plot was to show Blair's jealousy towards Serena and highlight Blair's complicated relationship with her mother. And honestly, I personally think this is episode of Gossip Girl was well written (this is the case with a lot of season 1 and 2). This episode gave Blair depth and showed us just how far her insecurities go.

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But when seeing the pictures and how they were in the photoshoot together they has so much chemistry. Their energy was fun, playful and Blair seemed to really come out of her shell and let loose when Serena was with her.

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It just makes me wish Eleanor had just picked both girls to star in the campaign. Personally I think it would have been better than just choosing one of them.

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I know the drama was necessary for the episode but I also would have loved to see them do it together or at least have an episode where Eleanor apologizes and then let's them do it together.

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But let me know your thoughts 😊

I already wrote about why I thought Anne was a horrible parent but this scene specifically got on my nerves and every time I watch it I ger angry.

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After the captain over doses, Nate is the one whobfinds him. Imagine being a teenager and walking in on your father unconscious that is so fucking traumatizing.

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Instead of checking in on Nate and asking if he was okay, Anne tried to down play this traumatic incident by saying he probably just had some Vicoden to cure a headache and followed it up with some wine. What the fuck?

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Nate who is pissed off with that response (understandably so), pushes back and says his dad has a problem and ignoring it almost killed him.

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And Anne's response was to get defensive immediately and says "It's not my fault".

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And I agree with her 100% The Captain made his own choices but here's the thing Nate wasn't blaming her.

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He was simply saying that his dad needed help and ignoring the problem wasn't helping. I personally think that ignoring this also created an unsafe environment for him because remember when The Captain punched him in the face? That's what led to the arrest in the first place and Anne did not seem concerned with the Captain hitting Nate (I know it isn't implied that she knew but not knowing is also a problem) she was more concerned with Nate alerting the police to arrest the captain which news flash never happened the cops saw a grown ass man punch his minor son in the face.

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Instead of listening to her traumatized son while they are literally in the hospital because of this overdose, she gets defensive, lists off everything she did for the captain and says that the choices he made were his own (which is true!).

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The issue isn't that she caused the addiction. The problem was that she was in denial about it and more concerned with their image, and avoiding blame than addressing the urgency of the situation or protecting her son. Instead she dismisses his concerns, minimizes what happened and tries to defend herself.

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The thing that pisses me off is Nate the child is the one having to be the adult in the room while the parents are abusing and neglecting him.

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Nate deserved better parents.

Yeah, I think we all noticed a change in Blair's style and personality after the writers' strike. I really liked this version of Blair; I thought she was interesting and complex (though I still love Blair no matter what). I love this outfit, but I'm not sure about the shade of red lipstick she's wearing though, I feel like it doesn't do anything for her complexion.

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Let me know your thoughts 😌

This Rufus and Dan Scene Always Makes Me Angry!!

I'm working on a different post about Rufus Humphrey as a parent because honestly, I have a lot to unpack there, but there's one scene that has always got my damn nerves.

When Dan finds out through Gossip Girl that Serena might be pregnant, neither he nor Rufus even knows if it's true yet.

Think about that situation.

Dan is a teenager. He's around 16 or 17 years old. He has just been hit with the possibility that his girlfriend might be pregnant. Whether the rumor is true or not, that's a terrifying thing for a teenage boy to find out.

And Rufus' reaction?

He basically starts shaming Dan.

He immediately goes into this whole thing about how Dan is the smart one, the responsible one, the good kid, and how he 'Dan' the teenager fucked up.

That response has always rubbed me the wrong way every time I watch this episode.

First of all, Rufus knew Dan was sexually active. This wasn't some shocking revelation. Earlier in the series, maybe around episode 6 or 7, Rufus literally had conversations with Dan about sex, protection, and consent. He presented himself as the kind of parent his child could come to with those topics.

So why is the first reaction shame?

Why is the first reaction disappointment?

Why is the first reaction making Dan feel worse?

What bothers me most is that Rufus somehow manages to make the situation about himself instead of focusing on what his son might be feeling.

Imagine how Dan in that moment as a teenager he was probably scared, confused, and he still wasn't sure whether Serena was pregnant or not and the not knowing by itself is terrifying. And he's wondering what happens next that is a lot of teen to handle.

And despite all of that, Dan's instinct is actually pretty admirable. He says he wants to be there for Serena no matter what decision she makes.

That's a huge thing for a teenager to say.

Instead of acknowledging that, Rufus is dismissive. His response basically boils down to, "Talk to Serena. It's probably not true."

And yes, obviously Dan should talk to Serena.

But why stop there?

Why not reassure him?

Why not explain what his options are if the rumor turns out to be true?

Why not ask him how he's feeling?

Why not be emotionally supportive?

This could have been a really meaningful parenting moment. Rufus could have shown Dan that mistakes, scares, and difficult situations don't make him a bad person.

Instead, he led with judgment.

And honestly, this scene highlights one of my biggest problems with Rufus throughout the series: he often sees Dan as "the good kid" and then gets disappointed whenever Dan behaves like a normal teenager instead of the idealized version Rufus has created in his head.

Also this is a side note for another day—the difference between how Rufus handled Dan being sexually active versus how he reacted with Jenny when all she wanted to do was go eat hot dogs with Asher with her dads permission keep in mind or honetsly any time showed interest in boys is a conversation all by itself.

Anyway, this isn't Part Three of my terrible parent series yet. Rufus deserves a post of his own, and based on my notes, it's probably going to be the longest one.

But let me know your thoughts 😌

(Also I'm neurodivergent so I tend to fixate and go into deep dives)

Honestly, Alison Humphrey barely got any screen time. She was in 4 episodes. And somehow she still earned a spot on the terrible parent list.

The cheating on Rufus? That is between her and Rufus. I’m not saying it was okay, but that is a marriage issue. What makes Alison a bad parent is the way she lied to her kids and abandoned them emotionally while pretending she was coming back. That shit pissed me off.

She kept telling Dan and Jenny that she would be home soon, and then she just… didn’t come back. That clearly affected both of them. Jenny was only fourteen and had to go all the way to Hudson to basically beg her mother to come home. That is heartbreaking. And this is after both kids find out their mom has been cheating on their dad. So now they are dealing with their family falling apart, their mother being dishonest, a liar, and the emotional confusion of her saying one thing while doing another.

I’m not even mad that Rufus had the kids most of the time after the divorce. Sometimes one parent ends up being the primary parent. (Though I am of the belief that kids need both of their parents equally) Fine. But Alison’s dishonesty is what gets me. She made promises to her children that she clearly was not ready to keep.

And then we get into the double standards with Dan and Jenny, which is also very much a Rufus issue, and don’t worry, I have a post coming for him too.

(I know I already made a post about him but the next post is more about how he was a bad dad in general especially since he becomes worse throughout the show.)

When Alison comes back, Dan is furious. He does not want to pretend everything is normal, and honestly, good for him. As he fucking should. I’m not blaming Dan at all. He had every right to be angry. But what’s interesting is that Alison actually tries to empathize with him. She gives him space to be upset.

Jenny, on the other hand? Completely different treatment.

The cotillion/art show situation is a perfect example. Jenny wants to volunteer for cotillion, and she does not even say she wants to skip her mom’s art show. She says she has a way to do both. But in classic Rufus fashion, he doesn’t really listen. He just says no and tells her she can try again next year, which basically means, “Get over it.”

Jenny is understandably upset. Then Alison asks what’s wrong, and Jenny says it doesn’t matter because her dad already said no. Alison tries to cheer her up by saying she bought her vintage pumps, and Jenny snaps back that the girls at her school shop at Saks and Bendel’s and she can’t walk around in someone’s old shoes.

Was that harsh? Yes.

But also, her parents are sending her to a private school full of insanely wealthy kids, and they do not seem to understand how hard that class difference is for her. Jenny is constantly surrounded by girls who have more money, more access, and more social power than she does. That classism takes a toll, especially on a fourteen-year-old girl trying desperately to fit in.

Then Jenny goes to Bendel’s with Lily and runs into Alison. And honestly, it kind of seems like Alison actually did hear what Jenny said and may have been looking for something to buy her from there. So I understand why Alison felt hurt seeing Jenny there with Lily.

But she took that hurt out on Jenny.

And honestly, Lily should not have just taken Jenny’s word for it. Jenny was a minor. Lily should have contacted Rufus or Alison and asked if it was okay for Jenny to volunteer. I do not care if Rufus and Lily were not supposed to be talking. I do not care if Alison hated Lily. That was still Lily’s responsibility as the adult in the situation. Alison’s real problem should have been with Lily, not Jenny.

Instead, Alison confronts Jenny at home while Jenny is trying on the dress and gives this speech about how she knows coming back has been rocky, but she does not want to act like Jenny’s friend instead of her mother. Then she grounds her for a week, but still says Jenny can come to the art show.

And I’m sorry, but that felt extreme.

Yes, Jenny lying was wrong. But this was also a kid dealing with her mother suddenly returning after months of emotional absence, after Jenny literally had to go to Hudson and beg her to come home. Maybe instead of immediately grounding her, Alison could have actually looked at the bigger picture. Maybe they could have talked through why cotillion mattered so much to Jenny. Maybe they could have found a compromise where Jenny volunteered before the art show and then came when the art show started.

Because the thing is, Jenny did have every intention of going to the art show. She was trying to do both. The reason everything spiraled was because Serena told her Dan was going to cotillion, and of course Jenny got upset. Why was Dan allowed to go, but she wasn’t?

And Rufus letting Dan go to cotillion just because CeCe made him mad was ridiculous. But did Alison get mad at Rufus for that double standard? No. Apparently that was fine. Dan could go to cotillion and still come back to the art show, but Jenny was not allowed to even try doing both in the first place?

That is what bothers me.

Even when Dan leaves the art show and Lily tells him to come back, no one treats him like he made some huge moral failure. But Jenny wanting to be part of cotillion is treated like this awful character flaw.

Then Alison gives Jenny that speech about how the decisions she makes shape who she is, and if she doesn’t like who she is, she needs to look at her decisions.

Girl. Take your own advice.

What was Jenny’s horrible crime here? Being a normal teenage girl? Wanting to fit in? Wanting to be included? Wanting to participate in something important at her school while still trying to support her mom?

Alison came back into Jenny’s life after creating a huge emotional wound, expected things to settle quickly, punished Jenny for reacting like a teenager, and then left again shortly after. That is the part that makes me so mad.

Alison Humphrey was not around long, but in the short time she was there, she proved that she was inconsistent, dishonest, emotionally avoidant, and way too quick to punish Jenny instead of actually understanding her. And she was awful to Dan too by the way but given that we only saw her in four episodes the Jenny example was the strongest one I could think of.

Jenny deserved better.

Toni's dad appeared to be a good dad to his kids for the most part and I always loved their relationship. But here during Toni's engagement party when Veretta was drunk and causing a scene he told Sherry that she needed to handle her mother and he took Mel out to the car. I'm sorry but why are you putting this on your daughter while taking your other daughter to the car to comfort her, Eugene should have been the one taking care of his wife and told Sherry and Mel to wait in the car. That is not something to put on your kid and yes I know Veretta sucks for putting Sherry and her family in that position in the first place but still Eugene was wrong for how he handled it.

Okay so when Toni was furious with her mother for embarrassing her I was on Toni's side and Joan and Lynn telling her that Toni needed to forgive her mother? That is not for them to push that is for Toni to decide and also Veretta needed to apologize to Toni not the other way around. I don't know this scene just gets on my nerves all the time.

That shit makes me laugh every time I rewatch the flash and the way Clyde was so serious about calling himself a God and Joe genuinely asking this in the middle of a blizzard. That was a very well written scene.

All of the Gossip Girl parents were terrible in their own special way, with the possible exception of Cyrus Rose, because that man was a gem. But I want to start with Anne Archibald because I genuinely think people forget just how neglectful she was.

Anne was not just some “Upper East Side mom who was a little emotionally distant.” She was actively failing Nate and this is never talked about (at least I haven't seen it).

In Season 1, when the Captain’s addiction and shady business dealings start catching up to him, Anne basically shifts blame onto Nate. She acts like Nate being “rebellious” and having issues with Blair is the reason his father is stressed, instead of acknowledging the obvious: his father is an adult man with an addiction and serious legal problems. Nate was a teenager. It was never his job to manage his parents’ marriage, his father’s addiction, his father's career advancement, or the family’s reputation.

And then Season 2 happens, and it gets even worse.

Nate ends up involved Katherine the Duchess while he is still a minor, and she is literally paying him to sleep with her. That is not just “messy teen drama.” That is exploitation. It's predatory. And somehow Anne has absolutely no idea? Her teenage son is being used by a powerful older woman, he’s financially desperate, and he’s spiraling, but his mother is nowhere to be found.

Then Nate is homeless. Fucking Homeless. He ends up staying with the Humphreys, and yes, he was lying to his mom, but that honestly makes Anne look worse, not better. How checked out do you have to be to not realize your own teenage son does not have a stable place to live? She did not check in enough to notice that her child was basically surviving on his own.

What really sent me was Season 4, when Anne is considering divorcing the Captain and Nate tries to convince her to give him another chance. She says something along the lines of, “If my son is asking me to do this, I should. He took on so much responsibility when our family was going through a hard time.”

And I’m sorry Bitch, but why are you saying that like it’s sweet?

Why are you not ashamed?

Why are you not apologizing?

Your teenage son “took on so much responsibility” because you and his father forced him into that position. Nate was adultified constantly. He had to worry about money, his father’s addiction, his family’s public image, his mother’s emotional state, he was preyed on by an older woman and keeping everything from falling apart. Meanwhile, Anne's ass was the parent. That responsibility belonged to her yet she was fine with Nate taking on the role of Man of the house when in reality he's a boy playing at being man of the house.

The Captain had a lot of faults. He was a terrible father in many ways. But at the very least, he eventually admitted that he failed Nate and tried to repair their relationship. Anne never really has that same reckoning. She just lets Nate carry the emotional weight of the family and then acts like his maturity is something to admire instead of something he should never have been forced into.

Anne Archibald was neglectful, emotionally absent, and far too comfortable letting her teenage son act like the adult in the family. Nate deserved so much better.

Personally I would have liked it but if not for the awkward cut around the neckline.

But what do you guys think?