u/Sun2025

Hi

I'm going to be starting Cognitive Processing Therapy soon. I've read good things about it and it's clinically proven to be very effective for PTSD.

The part I'm wondering about is how to pick only one traumatic memory to work on. If you've experienced many different types of abuse and traumatic events which seem to have affected you in different ways, depending on the types of events how do you pick just one memory?

I'll try to give a brief history and keep it as short as possible.

I'm in my late 50's. I have had cognitive problems (various) throughout most of my life. I'm aware of the issues I've had as an adult, some of which seem to be getting worse.

But I've also been told by family that I have always been this way including during childhood and that it's nothing new.

Head trauma history:

These first things I have no memory of but family members know they happened and they say that's where I would have gotten brain injury from if I had any.

During infancy:

- At about 3 months old I flipped myself out of a baby seat on top of a counter and fell onto the floor. (Several know about this incident.)

- also as a young infant I fell off of the roof of a car (I think only one person knows about this. The one who saw it happen).

- as an older infant I had a babysitter who was an alcoholic who neglected me and it was suspected that I might have gotten shaken baby syndrome from her. But no evidence of that. It was a guess, as part of the reasons I might have gotten brain injured.

- Then as a toddler I fell and hit my head on a coffee table and needed stitches.

- And a car crash when I was maybe 2 or 3.

My own memories of head injuries from childhood:

I don't think it would be a good idea to go into much detail but there were episodes of abuse and one really severe one in particular that could have (or probably did) result in concussion/s.

Then in adulthood there are at least a couple of incidences I remember including from martial arts.

Altogether not a huge number collectively. Definitely not as many as a football player for example would have. But over the years I have had at least a few doctors mention CTE and they used the football example.

Should I believe them???

If they really believe that is what could be causing my issues would they casually suggest that but not offer any resources or solutions?

Maybe I've just had a lot of bad luck with neurologists and other doctors, and they threw that idea out there because they didn't know what else to tell me.

The problems I have are debilitating and keep me from holding down a job, driving or .. just having a normal life.

Whatever it is, I know it's serious. But I'm having a hard time believing it's CTE if there are probably only less than a dozen events over my lifetime that would have definitely been severe enough to result in concussions.

I actually worry if I'm being insensitive by posting here. I hope not and I apologize if I am.

A short summary of the current situation:

One of my kids was recently self admitted into the psychiatric unit of a hospital. She has several children and is homeschooling some of them which I imagine is not an easy thing to do.

I had been worried about her stress level before this happened and I had no idea that she was in a mental health crisis for at least a couple of months before she was admitted.

She is back home now. The care team at the hospital helped with a plan to put some resources into place but we don't know exactly how soon those will be started.

As her mother I want to help out more in general to ease some of the stress. Even before this happened I occasionally did things like cook meals for her family but was not able to do much babysitting due to some health issues I have.

Basically I'm an older (but not quite senior) disabled adult and I get exhausted easily which is often followed by coming down with an illness and/or conditions flaring up.

So I'm limited in what I can do, but at the same time I feel like there is something more I should be doing now.

To be honest I'm kind of surprised at the diagnosis. My limited knowledge of personality disorders doesn't really match the way I see her. But the hospital psychiatrist actually confirmed this diagnosis which means another professional had at least suggested it at some point before this.

Thank you for any advice you might have. I'm still kind of stunned by this.

I kind of feel bad complaining though.

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I realize that there are various levels of severity and many people have it a lot worse. I'm trying to accept "It is what it is" and just reinvent myself but it's difficult.

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Currently I am receiving good treatment. Unfortunately it took many years to get to this point though. Finding the right biologic and then, more recently, discovering the wonders of cortisone injections is amazing!

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So I'm grateful that I can finally walk without much pain. The problem now is the damage including severe obesity from all the years I was either misdiagnosed or under-treated. Years of horrible pain and trying to exercise in spite of it.. but then dealing with even more pain and flares.

I'm sure I had high cortisol levels from the stress of that and the lack of sleep. I think the pain also led to the hypertension I've had to take increasing meds for over the years, and depression.

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I'm heading into my late 50's and this all started in my early 40's (as far as the diagnosis but I had symptoms a lot longer). Being obese is causing other problems including the ability to be as active as I could have been if I had gotten this amount of relief a long time ago. Recently I had knee injections for the first time from a new rheumatologist. I don't know why the previous ones didn't offer it or why the last one was so reluctant after I asked about it.

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I will do my best going forward to work with what I've got now. Currently I'm grateful to do the basic activities of daily living easier than before. Plus some exercise even at my weight.

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Those things are good. I'm still very sad that I'm dealing with the snowball effect of accumulating ailments related to gaining so much weight. I didn't change my diet except in good ways. The extra 80-90 pounds was from years of having a hard time just existing let alone moving my body. Pain, exhaustion and stress both physically and emotionally. And frustration at doctors who kept recommending weight loss while refusing to acknowledge the reasons I had become more and more sedentary.

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I feel like most of them didn't believe that I used to be very active. 16 years ago I was walking everywhere in my city, had a physical job and was involved in martial arts and other things that I miss. Then it all went to hell while I was told it was "fibromyalgia"..and told there was no treatment except lifestyle/weight loss/exercise. That felt like such a huge slap in the face.

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This has severely impacted my life and my long-term relationship. There were also several grandchildren born who I had a hard time carrying, chasing or just being able to have much fun with. A tired and achy grandma who usually couldn't go places wasn't who I wanted to be.

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I can't get those years back. The weight is difficult to lose especially at my age now. I'm discovering that losing it also comes with a set of unfortunate and disfiguring problems which is another hit to my self esteem.

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I don't know how to move on and be happy now.