u/SunDriedGingy

I was so looking forward to this community of people but each page is just making me angry with the rules, I can't post on specific pages because I'm new and don't have "karma" I have to have perfect writing ability to post on a shower thought page? Huh? It seems I can't even put certain words in this post right now, quite making ai the high authority over this app pleaseeeee.

I'm new and I can't post on where I actually have something to contribute on but it wants me to make posts to get more?

Anytime someone obviously hurts me intentionally in any way, I feel like my emotions for that person no longer exist apart from frustration maybe. If they get sick, are injured or have anything bad happen to them I just don't feel anything.

I didn't know what to tag this, I don't technically want advice but just perspective?

I'm guessing there's things we ask that people just don't take seriously or think are stupid like please don't use that particular spoon because I don't like other people using it same with mugs, or being protective of your space etc I'm hoping you know what I mean. This is a bit long but I wanted to write it down somewhere, sorry for my grammar and punctuation I'm no writer.

I've had this situation happen awhile ago and I'm wondering if it's called something when you just scream and can't stop, can't be touched and possibly hurt the person causing this situation. My thing has been that I am extremely protective of my belongings it's very hard to let someone touch my things or be where my stuff is without my knowledge, I get kinda terrified for some reason. So I wasn't in a good situation with my Dad and his wife, she was mentally abusive and was so fixed on me getting an autism diagnosis but seemed to ridicule and berate me for anything you would normally see in an autistic person, it was very confusing.

She would hate that I had my blinds closed all the time. now I had those blinds that you could see through and it lets the light through as well as having curtains to block out the light when needed. I didn't like the blinds also open because my bedroom was at the front of the house, I didn't want strangers seeing inside my space, it was on full display, also if I had my blinds open, especially in the summer the sun seemed to never leave my window and would heat up my room and make it uncomfortable.

So she would go into my room constantly when I'm not there to open the blinds and leave my door open, it made me uncomfortable in my space each time she did it and I would ask her not to alot.

At some point I asked why she kept doing it, maybe we can come to some compromise or something, she said that when my blinds are closed the condensation on my window can mold the wood window frame, totally fair, I didn't think about that.

I said I'll get one of those tub things (I don't remember what they are called) that absorbs the condensation, it worked, but she just kept doing it, her reasoning didn't make sense anymore but she just wanted it her way and to not have any compromise at all.

1 thing about her that's important, she always seemed to be in a bad mood on Sundays like that sort of mood you can feel in the house everyone is on edge and she's stomping around the house and I'm staying in my room trying not to cause some sort of argument, she never liked that though either.

We had had so many arguments with her and you could not get her voice and words out of your head I would start screaming and punching walls just to feel and hear something else that wasn't her voice, I'm not proud of that time in my life and I do not want to get to that point again. But back then it happened all the time, and I just didn't know what to do, I told my dad to please do something to help, tell her to stop do literally anything because it's getting worse. From me crying to me yelling at her to me yelling screaming and punching walls to throwing things at her when she just wouldn't stop, but he didn't, he used the words "stuck between a rock and a hard place" I just think he brought this woman into our lives and married her, he put himself in this position, I had zero say in it.

The big thing that happened was on a Sunday she was already in her mood, she was arguing with my dad about something and he was going out, I heard him leave and open the car so I left my room (she was sitting at her computer) to ask him if he's okay and where he's going, because he's basically leaving me with her when she's in this mood, I was getting a heaving feeling in my chest, he said it's nothing to do with me and he was meeting with my brother. I went back inside to go to my room and in the seconds I was outside talking to my dad she had already got to my room to open my blinds and leave my door open, I seemed to just snap and I ran to her and basically tackled her to the floor while screaming that she never listens to me. While she was on the floor I kept screaming without words and my dad raced in and grabbed me and tried to get me away from her, I screamed even louder as I just didn't want to be touched then. Idid unfortunately injure her, she had a large bruise on her head and she was sick. My Dad said she could call the police, I guess she didn't but I would have definitely been arrested if she had, I know that. She also didn't tell her family for some reason until after my pet bird (the only reason I was still alive at that point) died and a few days later, in my grief, she told her whole family and that started other stuff. I did tell one of her family members that I was and am friends with and she actually said "what did they expect" My brother also laughed when I told him because he couldn't imagine me tackling anyone ( she basically drove him out of the house with almost the same stuff as what she started doing to me after he left) A few weeks after this when everything was "calm" I decided to leave, I went to a shelter. My Dad said I didn't need to do that and that I was safe there but nothing was ever resolved no apologies where given apart from mine, and she even kept opening my blinds, so I left. I have my own space now, my own small unit and many many problems.

I know no one will have the same situation and maybe I am just a bad person but I just want to see what people say, or maybe I don't know what I want anymore.