u/Sure_Humor_2827

The one symptom that always confuses me is:

“Yellow/orange skin — eating large amounts of carrots”

As someone who had bulimia for 14 years, what the actual fuck are they talking about? I’ve never eaten large amounts of carrots but I’ve seen this listed as a symptom frequently for bulimia..? Are you guys binging on carrots? What’s going on?

About three years ago, I decided to start “traveling the world” as a way to experience new things and thought it would be so much fun because it looks that way on social media.

After 11 countries, I realized that if I was being completely honest with myself, I was only going to those places to post a cool pic on social media and get likes.

But I couldn’t get past the dehydration, long and uncomfortable flights, jet lag, time difference etc to even enjoy the trip any of the times I went anywhere and was honestly genuinely miserable.

This is when I realized that traveling, for me, falls into the category of things that society seems to enjoy and hype but I don’t which also includes: bars, drinking, shopping, materialistic items, social events, large friend groups, etc.

I feel I am more of a: read a book, watch a movie, pet a cat kind of person.

Anyone else feel this?

Literally the most closely accurate portrayal of bulimia in this movie.

I just love this movie so much. I wish more movies existed like this. I hate how some shows, like Gossip Girl for example, gloss over bulimia. They just show snippets of it when it's so much more complex than that.

One example for me was “Huge” with Nikki Blonsky. I watched that whole season probably five or six times. I was very sad when it got cancelled after the first season.

All of it is so unrelated from bulimia, but something about that show made me feel safe and seen.

So I was in an allied health program (two year program, dental hygiene school) about seven years ago where instructors students whoever had to look in our mouths etc and they had us filling out a health history form and shit

So I went wide open from the get go about my bulimia. Just like didn’t even try to hide it. Fully admitted it. Wide open. I was clinically severe during that time but had to white knuckle this program and get through because I had sunk so much time, money whatever right?

Well. When I was open about the disorder, this instructor, in a setting OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL, starts claiming “oh we (instructors) really want to help you. Tell me about this.”

So I go into massive detail about my ED (I was 21 at the time) and she just broadcasts all the info and nasty details to the entire faculty and students in the program ?? Zero resources to help me at all. Zero help. Just took the info and told everyone about it then everyone was looking at me like I was gross and weird.

She also was taking pictures of me while I was
eating and sending in a group chat with instructors

They would find oral signs in my mouth about it and snicker. One instructor would find something and then run over and tell another instructor and then they’d both come look like I was some kind of zoo animal

Anytime I would talk about food, they’d claim I was being “manipulative” and one told me to my face: “I know these mind games you like to play”.

One of the instructors spread a rumor that I stole food.

?

I also shared an advocacy post about eating disorders on Facebook. It was “10 things people don’t know about eating disorders” and this instructor read off that exact entire post in front of my whole class and then added: “people with eating disorders are VERY manipulative, lie, steal food and are all around terrible people and if you have an eating disorder you need DOCTORS AND DOCTORS AND DOCTORS AND DOCTORS” when my whole class knew I was sick and that she was directing that towards me.

I guess they felt I was being “manipulative” for sharing a post about EDs but it’s like well if I disclosed that I had type II diabetes and then shared an advocacy post about type II diabetes on Facebook would you feel the same way? No. It’s because bulimia is misunderstood. Just because my eating disorder makes you UNCOMFORTABLE doesn’t mean that I am MANIPULATING YOU by talking about it..?

They’d also put me in these “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situations. So one example is that I was going to apply for a scholarship that I was excited about (I did end up getting it) but before I applied, one instructor found out and pulled out a blank sheet of printer paper and told me that in order for me to get the scholarship, I needed to write down exactly how I spent my money over the past two months (obviously her trying to “shame” me about my eating disorder again). But again, it’s like if I write a massive amount of money spent on food, then I am “manipulating her” by showcasing my disorder, and if I write a lower amount of money spent on food, then I am “lying”. When I actually don’t owe her an explanation at all about my disorder or food..?

Also what scholarship committee is going to ask you to do that? They’re going to demand an instructor question a student about how they spent their money over the past two months and for it to be written down on a BLANK SHEET of printer paper? Complete bullshit.

One of them also kept always talking down to me too. They would always claim I was a “liar”, “thief”, “manipulator”. Any time I talked about food and literally ANYTHING.

Also, YES. People with eating disorders sometimes LIE. I am not going to tell you that I ate $40 worth of food from Taco Bell while I was driving a car and then pulled over to purge the food in a random gas station bathroom at 2 AM.

One time I was talking about a vegan popsicle in front of one of them and she stands up and slams her hands onto her desk and sighed so loudly and huffed and puffed and walked out of the room while I was mid sentence..?

I’ve never been treated so horribly or such almost like a fucking criminal for being open about an eating disorder. Like holy fuck I know it makes people uncomfortable but I am not a bad person.

Also, manipulation would be “hi I have an eating disorder, so I can’t do this one requirement” or whatever. Like no I stayed in your stupid fucking program, graduated Summa Cum Laude, Vice President of class, Phi Theta Kappa, worked full time as well the whole time, while being FUCKING BULLIED out of my mind by like six dental hygiene instructors and one dentist.

It really is horrible how we get treated and the shame and moralization is what makes eating disorders so much worse. It’s heartbreaking.

I’m not talking about a romantic crush. More like a person that my autistic brain has decided is a “safe human.”

For me, it’s usually someone who is very predictable, kind, competent, and doesn’t play social games. Once my brain decides someone is safe, I get weirdly excited about them. I look forward to seeing them, I think about conversations with them afterward, and I feel way more comfortable around them than I do around most people.

The funny thing is that it’s not even that I necessarily want to be best friends with them. It’s more like my nervous system relaxes around them. They’re a person I don’t have to constantly analyze or guess with.

The downside is that sometimes I worry I’ll come across as overly enthusiastic or awkward because I’m genuinely happy to see them. It’s almost like my brain goes from “everybody is unpredictable” to “OH MY GOD, A SAFE HUMAN.”

I’ve heard people talk about “favorite people” in other contexts, but I’m curious whether other autistic adults experience something similar.

Do you have a “favorite person” or “safe human” that your brain kind of latches onto?

I keep trying to convince myself that I am not scared of dentists since I have been a hygienist for seven years but when I relapse or have struggles I can’t even seem to make eye contact with them at work.

I flush a lot around them too like I am guilty for purging as if they can tell from 20 feet away.

I’m laying here, seven years as a hygienist and my upper back is absolutely aching. I can feel my muscles aching right near my spine. I want to cry.

I have cut down to two days a week recently and am still in so much pain.

I loved how absolutely raw and unfiltered she was about describing her eating disorder. I was laughing so hard when I got to the part about “toilet paper and vomit dingleberries” when she described cleaning up her arm after purging at Disney. So relatable.

Honestly it made me feel a lot less alone and I love that she didn’t hold back during any moment of that book.

Great read overall.

Depression anxiety OCD ADHD anything ..

Walmart is one of the largest retail distributors in the world, massive reach across consumers, a place where products can scale fast ..

SoundHound is being embedded into default consumer devices

Nice that they got that deal too since they just landed Samsung and being embedded into their TVs not too long ago

Lots of opportunities there

Bullish

I did in college (this was like a decade ago now lol) and I just look back and…cringe

But what is it though? I’ve heard this is common to disclose to authority (maybe like seeking containment/coregulation)?

It’s kind of like I didn’t want to go to the doctor but I wanted someone who felt steady to “hold the edges”