u/Surviving_Findom

Quitting Findom is about taking back my time, and my life.

I've let myself go with regards to porn and findom. I got comfortable isolating myself and indulging in a vicious dopamine cycle. It was easy, repeatable pleasure.

But I have nothing to show for it! Not that everything you do in life needs to bear some kind of fruit, of course. But it's just been a massive time sink (money too).

I've mentioned before, but I want to feel wholesome again. I want to do the fun, little things in life I used to love doing that I had since replaced with Findom or gooning. I'm getting back to that person and it feels great.

Sitting by my window on a rainy day here. I'll go take a walk in it now. Stay strong lads, it eventually gets easier.

Very much talking about "feel" here more than debating what patch or whatever is "TRULY" classic.

Why do some champs still have their modern league voice lines? Did they lose the rights to Skarner's voice or something?

Why are modern skins not classic-ified? Gun Goddess MF looks cool and all, but standing next to the Elder Lizard? Hate to say that it "breaks the immersion" because it probably shouldn't be that deep for anyone, but it just looks awkward.

Sion doesn't (didn't? Not sure if patched) have an auto-attack animation against towers?

Some of the ability sounds/animations are still from current league and just feel out of place.

As much of a ball-ache as it might be for both Riot and players, I wish they released a separate client for classic. Not least because the modern client is a complete, abominable disgrace in and of itself, where the only consistently functioning tab is the Store. But the Classic "client within a client" feels so janky.

Why is there a battle pass or anything pass-adjacent? I know the answer but ???

I know Role Queue has mixed receptions. I wouldn't personally care, but more than once I have queued with a friend as bot/top or mid/jungle, and we've somehow be granted each others roles. As in I queue top, he queues jungle, I get jungle, he gets top? Not a big deal, we just swap, but how does it even happen?

"Classic Aram" is bizarre. It existing isn't hurting me or anything obviously, but it seems weird that they made the space for it imo. Dominion or Twisted Treeline I could understand (maybe coming later, idk).

Probably not the first to make these observations or anything. More a vent than anything else. Just feels like they held back more than they needed to with Classic.

I have a confession to make. I DON'T have a PHD in Findom. I am (I hope you're sitting for this) just a guy on the internet.

Most of us? Just guys on the internet. That guy who relapses weekly? Just a guy on the internet. The latest rant on why "Findom = Bad"? Brought to you by just a guy on the internet. The "newest obsession" in your dms? Very possibly just a guy on the internet.

I didn't know what I was talking about when I joined this space and in many ways, I still don't. I'm throwing MY perspective into the ring and seeing how it's received, how it stacks up in the minds of people I assume can relate. It's been massively helpful for me to do so.

Whether your a domme or a sub, new or established, you don't need to come prepared to cite studies, papers, your background in therapy, your education, your work experience, your social security number, the number of books you've read, your years of service.

Again (please remain seated) none of it is necessary for having conversations here.

This isn't me trying to silence anyone who has a more rounded knowledge and lived experience of Findom, but sometimes the delivery of your wisdom isn't the "own" you think it is, and really just reads as miserable, condescending bullying. In case it wasn't clear, I'm directing this at both subs and dommes.

I sometimes see "conversations" in the subs that are very clearly just arguments for the sake of arguing. All well and good to disagree, even passionately, but if you actually care about your point of view and believe it is the correct point of view; how do you expect to change anyone's mind by just berating them and telling they are intellectually/morally/fundamentally wrong and/or reprehensible for being so wrong?

We're on Reddit, it's the prime platform for insufferable people to be insufferable. But we're all adults (hopefully) and it wouldn't kill you to treat one another as such. Even if they "said the wrong thing". ESPECIALLY if the aim is to have productive conversations, like many of you claim.

We're all just a guy on the internet (guy being a gender neutral term in this instance).

To be clear, this isn't a formal post on behalf of all the mods here, this is purely something I wanted to throw out there.

Right now, at least as I see it, r/quittingfindom is a domme free (minus some lurkers, I presume) space that's mainly used as a place to vent. Be it a recent relapse, progress or struggles, or other rants about the space in general.

While we don't (and can't) claim that this is a space to "fix" anyone or relieve them of an addiction, it would be ideal if we could identify more ways of tangibly supporting the members here, where possible!

So is there any suggestions anyone has to improve this group? Anything you'd like to see? Or are you happy that it's a fairly informal, relatively safe-place to just get findom themed thoughts off your chest?

Relapse is a bad thing in pretty much every context. Even in many cases with Findom. However Findom and those who practice it have increasingly placed more emphasis on relapsing. To the point where relapsing is a massive part of the kink for some. Some subs only engage with findom when they are "relapsing".

It's fair to think "why does it matter? Subs enjoy the fantasy of relapsing, feeling powerless and having to succumb to a greedy/seductive/ruthless etc domme. What's the big deal?". It's true that plenty of subs enjoy framing their engagements with Findom as relapses. Plenty of subs and dommes will continue to frame everything around abstinence vs relapse and it'll be completely harmless, and that's fine.

I'm not looking to police how anyone does Findom really, but I wanted to highlight some issues with the dependence some subs/dommes have on this repeated cycle of "relapsing":

1: It Allows Dommes to Overstep/Disrespect Boundaries Easily - If you're a domme that claims to be Ethical, Budget-Oriented, SSC, "one of the good ones" etc, then the word relapse shouldn't be in your vocabulary.

Dommes frequent the idea of relapse for pretty obvious reasons. It gets results. Namely from the crowd that has a volatile relationship with Findom - sends when horny, swears off it when the post-nut hits, and repeat.

The idea or "thrill" that is implied with relapsing can be a convinient excuse for dommes to push subs further than they want to go. Then once a sub over-extends themselves, they can argue that the sub got what they wanted - the hot, steamy relapse they were clearly begging for. Yes it's true that many subs actively want to be pushed beyond their means. Alcoholics want to buy just one more drink, but the bar cuts them off at a certain point because the potential harm to themselves is clear. No it's not the same thing, but you get the idea.

Dommes can push, profit, and wash their hands of it all in the name of "relapse" and the sub is left to sort out the mess. Their mess, as it will be framed. And it is their mess most certainly, but it takes two.

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2: It Removes Agency From Subs - This isn't meant to be a purely dommes = evil post. Subs lean on this idea of relapse a lot. The ones that genuinely regret their relapses or over-spending often use the idea of relapsing as a way of avoiding accountability.

Yes, many dommes will gladly take advantage of a relapse prone sub, but every relapse isn't on them. If you truly don't like relapsing or want to avoid it, why are you in findom spaces to begin with? As a mod over on r/quittingfindom, I know damn well that many subs actually trying to quit have trouble completely leaving the spaces. But throwing the hands up because "evil dommes make me relapse... I have no choice but to give in.... they just have power over me..." isn't at all true. It's the truth you have imposed on yourself.

Once again, just as there are dommes that prey on relapse prone subs, or subs that obsess over this idea of relapsing are a problem, so too are subs that actively seek it out and use it as a shield against personal responsibility. It takes two.

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3: It encourages Low-Effort, Fast-Paced, Metrics-Driven, Forgettable Findom - The greedy, new-domme "only in it for the money" dommes you claim are ruining the space are the ones that believe that this spin-off of Findom is what the kink is all about. The opportunists and grifters LOVE this version of Findom.

They don't need to have morals, or learn anything about the space, or consider the sub on the other end. They just need to enter the trigger words and phrases and "collect their free cash".

This version of findom is embarassing. 100% transaction, 0 heart, romance, FUN - anything. Just "sub money go down, domme money go up, that's kink baby" - no it isn't.

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Many subs that claim to relapse in this way aren't relapsing at all. It's just their way to justify doing Findom in a weird way. It encourages subs to be greedy in their own ways - Findom/submission on their terms, when they're horny - and that's all well and good for some, but it's just kinda sad.

As always, my opinion is just that - an opinion. This might mean nothing to others, or appear a complete waste of 20 minutes of my time on the bog. But to me, this whole relapse shit is a massive part of why findom broadly feels so awful at present.

Zero sends, declining interest in Findom altogether - be it sexually, or even discussing the topic here or over on PPSG that I've enjoyed in the past.

I remember I had a moment not too long a go where I thought about relapsing. If only slightly. What stopped me wasn't the fear of losing my progress or anything. It was just a plain, simple "what's the point?"

It'd be like buying a pack of cigarrettes, or a take-away meal, or like flushing a few notes down the toilet. I could do those things, or any dumb thing for that matter with my money. But then what? I'd just be tiring myself out over nothing.

I don't miss whatever rush I might have gotten in the past. It's just driven me to seek out more natural, tangible connections. Either through dating, or friendship or beyond.

A friend of mine is quitting vaping. He said what drove him to quit was this; "I saw other people vaping and just found it embarassing. Then it occurred to me that that's what I look like when I do it".

However you feel about vaping or findom or whatever; if you don't align with something, why keep doing it? I didn't like the version of myself that indulged in Findom. So i left it behind.

Hope everyone is feeling good tonight!

When subs post about struggling with urges, guilt, shame, relapses or whatever it may be, a common response from both subs and dommes (but mostly dommes) is "have you tried therapy?". I guess it beats "DM me, I'll make you feel better 👁👄👁".

It's objectively good advice, which almost makes it more annoying. Like when someone's depressed and they are told to "go for a walk". Statistically, it's likely to make them feel better so it's good advice, but it does little for them in the moment.

Most subs and their urges aren't steady rises and drops. They tend to whiplash between the idea of relapsing vs the idea of becoming Chad (whoever that is). The urge to send isn't often something that is caught in a sensible moment, it's usually a rapid sensation, overpowering - like a need that DEMANDS immediate satisfaction. When that itch is scratched sufficiently, for many subs it's sudden clarity. The "never again" feeling. It doesn't matter if this is the 712th "never again" this person has said to themselves, it nearly always feels like THIS will be the time they quit.

So emotions turnover like employees in an Amazon warehouse (entirely made-up analogy, feel free to tell me if it's accurate or not). Because it's all so volatile, therapy doesn't often feel like the answer. Therapy requires thought, planning. The rigmarole of choosing the right therapist, arranging time to see them, finding a suitable price point, then after all that actually broaching the subject. That's a lot of lengthy steps for someone that succumbs to and "resolves" their urges within an hour at their computer screen, if that.

To break down the reasons why Therapy isn't always a well received suggestion (in mind you my own, purely gut-instinct rationale that is based in very little science or evidence):

1. Money - Ironic that a person addicted to sending money to dommes online is hesitant to pay someone to help them resolve that issue, I get it. But with Findom, you know what you're getting. Whether that's spicy pics, the satisfaction of being dommed, or nothing at all, if the thrill comes from just losing money. Therapy isn't always helpful or effective for everybody, and with so many people having not tried it for one reason or another, they can't guarantee a "cure" via therapy so in the minds of many; "what's the point?"
2. Stigma - I think on spaces like Reddit, or even just online in general, Therapy has been normalised. Built up as this obvious solution to whatever ailment that can't be solved by some tangible medicine or otherwise. Therapy can be amazing, but for many on an individual/cultural level, or even just in the eyes of peers and family, therapy is frowned upon. A sign of weakness, a sign of failure, a red flag or some indicator of broader concerns that aren't real.
3. It's just Awkward - People don't want to talk about this kink outside of this space. Though we are in the right place to talk all things paypig/sub/domme/etc, try to remember that in the outside world, few have any desire to let even a faint whiff of their deeply personal, private, online double-life creep into their real lives. That extends to speaking with a professional. Because as impartial and non-judgemental as I'm sure many therapists are, you don't KNOW that it'll be an open, welcoming, safe discussion. Even just articulating the feelings/emotional turmoil is difficult for many subs posting HERE, never mind staring a therapist in the face and telling them about your addiction to "Goth Mommies".

More can be added no doubt, but wanted to keep it simple.

So what's the solution? Stop telling subs to go to therapy? Yes and no. "Go to therapy" on it's own isn't as helpful as it logically appears to be. For me, I'd suggest that if you see a sub posting about their concerns with whatever aspect of Findom or the idea of Findom they might be struggling with, maybe think twice before commenting. Think "do I have something to add beyond 'get help'?" - if you want to suggest therapy for instance, do you have a personal experience with therapy that you wouldn't mind sharing to reflect HOW it can be as helpful and necessary as you are implying it to be?

Don't get me wrong, it's a tall ask. I've made similar mistakes myself. Offering someone in r/quittingfindom or the like my support in DMs, only to be inactive for a week following that offer. Most commenters absolutely mean well, that much is clear - but it would be truly helpful to approach giving advice with a bit more substance, even if that means abstaining from suggestions like this if you don't have/aren't willing to elaborate on why you think they might help posters.

Just thoughts, nothing here to be taken as gospel. Interested to know what others think.

I'm something of a Doomer here on PPSG, in case you haven't noticed.

Myself and many others come here for a winge. To get our latest findom-themed gripes off our chest. Others come for drama because somehow, there is in fact drama to be had here.

For anyone coming to the space with questions and/or for answers, don't let some of the posts on here (mine, oops) leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

Plenty of subs find their dommes and have A LOT of (sometimes expensive) fun. The noise in the background can often be quickly ignored; most of it isn't going to shape your exploration of this space.

DM the baddies you like. If you get weird vibes, stop messaging them and block them. Yes you can do that. Yes they can call you a timewaster. No it doesn't mean literally anything.

Have a good time, maybe a long one if you can afford it. Check your banking app every few sends. It is not and has never been that serious.

Quick beginning, liking or having engaged with Findom, or any of the things I'm about to discuss, does not innately make you a loser. Some would argue otherwise, specifically for Findom; be it because being a loser is "part of the fun" for some, or because "sending money to someone else because you think they deserve it more than you" or whatever, sounds pretty loser-ish to an average person.

There have been losers throughout all of history. But being a loser in 2026? Oh BOY are you gonna get farmed. I think Covid really accelerated this; months/years of isolation did nobody good. It also highlighted just how easily you could let yourself go and seal yourself away in your room or home. Maybe out of anxiety, apathy, a feeling of "what else am I gonna do when I could just binge eat, or watch shows or porn all day".

Losers are lucrative. Companies and individuals have been working extremely hard to captilalise on this. Findom and OnlyFans are obvious examples. Millions addicted to porn/gooning and the like = easy money for those willing to step up and try to take it. Other stakeholders that seek out and exploit prime loser-farming hotspots for are including, but not limited to:

• Gambling sites/Casinos
• Drug dealers
• Alcohol companies
• Gaming companies
• Porn sites
• OF/Findom (as previously mentioned)
• AI companies
• Streaming services
• Social media companies

And the list goes on.

To reiterate, doing any of these activities in moderation, or even a little over moderation, does not innately make you a loser. But you can see just how many stakeholders losers really have, all pulling and fighting for their attention and money.

You don't need a long winded explanation or thought exercise to understand why all of these things have such a hold over everyone right now. It's been happening for a long time, and it isn't slowing down.

"So everything makes me a loser and it's inescapable, great. Now what?" - The solution really isn't that deep. The average person doesn't need soul searching, life-long therapy, several epiphanies and/or a religeous awakening to turn it all around.

Just shrug, and move along.

Live your life the way you want to live it, even if that means indulging or over-indulging in some or all of these activities. Even if the way you want to live your life just so happens to be "being a loser", that's quite alright - as discussed, there are plenty of avenues to follow if that's what you want.

For me, I just want to live without all the noise. I know these things exist and the extent to which some people get lost in them. They aren't going away and I don't need them to. My life didn't turn out to be the whimsical, delightful roller-coaster of ups and downs, romance and heart-break, comedy and tragedy that the sitcoms I binge watched from age 11 promised me. But it is enough.

It's easy to feel trapped. Doomed to be a victim of circumstance, the world around you, the oppressiveness of it all. But it's surprisingly easy in many cases to just reject it and live a perfectly fulfilling life, if you give yourself the chance to.

This post isn't exactly advice. It isn't much of anything really. It's just my own reflections of going from somebody who looked EXACTLY like a loser, farmed for time, money, physical and emotional investment and lord knows what else. Going from THAT person, to who I am today. Not a winner, exactly - but a person who's doing alright. Who's existing quietly in a noisy world. Who's ultimately satisfied, which is quite the claim in a world that seemingly seeks to constantly dissatisfy us in some shape or form.

It's a terrible time to be a loser, so don't let those who depend on losers to make their crooked ways in the world make one out of you.

1: A new Tattoo - haven't gotten a tattoo in years, it was great craic

2: Dinner with Friends - Don't really see them anymore as much, adulthood is just like that. Was a lovely catch up

3: New T-Shirts - Vintage shite that gets loads of compliments for being "sweet thrifts" when really, I just wanted some nice t-shirts for £5 a piece

4: Fish from the Market - won't itemize every grocery I purchased this month, but salmon from a local market was GOOD

5: Parts for my bike - Gave it a fix last night

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Nothing particularlyn magical, maybe no even particularly sensible. I don't NEED most of the random shite I buy these days.

There's a big attitude sometimes in quitting findom where people suggest: "The money you spend on dommes could be an investment! Could be saved away for your future, a house, a new hobby, anything!" - all VERY true. But it could also be for any, dumb-ass little thing you want.

My bills are paid, I put a little away in savings, I spent a little on some fun. To think how much money I had spent in the past on isolating myself in my house and talking with/gooning to women on the internet is absurd to me now. Not disgusted over it even, more just like "what tf was I doing?"

However you feel about Findom, dommes or any of it - the money builds nothing and goes nowhere. Just a kind of tragic waste for the sake of a wank. You could buy a skateboard instead. That could be fun.

On both sides, Findom is low hanging fruit. For dommes, it's a 0 barrier to entry, kink-playground where they have the potential to make a lot of money for comparitively little work, all under the guise of "kink/sex work".

For subs, it is hyper accessible, nuanced (sometimes) engagement with people you're attracted to. People you might not otherwise feel confident speaking to without the guise of Findom. Or for some, people that really just serve as the vessel for your apparent need to be degraded or bullied.

Sometimes you have to say no to the lowest hanging fruit. Sure, it's right there - but it'll always be right there. You'll always know exactly where to find it and the cheap release it'll grant you. But nothing good in life comes that easily.

Do you really believe that "hot brats" or whatever deserve your money more than you? Because you find them attractive? Becuase they were bold enough to post selfies or fetish pics online with recycled Findom/Femdom captions?

It's the kind of thing you justify when you're mindlessly horny and immediately walk back once you've finished. You know it's dumb. For some of you, feeling dumb is part of it. Life has far more to offer than these freaks online, but you need to be willing to walk away and find it.

Nothing is going to Alt-F4 your addiction away, leaving you Findom free. The solution to addiction is to manually curb and reject it. The reward for doing so, if nothing else, is to be able to say to yourself "yeah I DON'T send my money to strangers on the internet when I jerk off. That'd be pretty weird, huh?"

Always there. There ANY time you want it. There is you're bored, under-stimulated, horny, weak, bad day at work, argument with the wife - whatever it is. Findom is right there.

Alcoholics and drug addicts at least have to arrange to go out and buy something tangible. Findom enjoyers just need an internet connection.

As cope's go, Findom is awful. Masturbating frequently isn't a great cope, but it's basically just masturbating with a price tag for most, current day subs.

Hold yourself accountable. Demand better from yourself. You don't need to stoop to such a "cheap" means of dopamine every time you feel bored or unhappy.

Let the findom community fall apart. Or if nothing else, thrive without you.

Can't watch another post in which a sub describes a bad or troubling experience in this community get steamrolled by belittling, snarky, useless and unhelpful comments from self-appointed dommes.

Support group for who? Paypigs? For every 1 supportive comment that comes from a domme, there are 50 thoughtless replies that treat the OP like their existence is a personal affront to the dommes here. If not that, then it's some subtle/not-so-subtle advertising beneath every post made by subs. Genuine thank you though to the dommes that actually offer their perspective in a constructive, meaningful way, but you're the minority.

Some suggestions:

r/FindomFeedingGrounds

r/RelapseRodeo

r/ALiteralCircus

We're all adults and should have thick skin and all, but I wouldn't take issue with some of the horribly condescending "mic-drop" comments dommes make to shit on subs if they were also capable of taking an ounce of criticism without rallying an outcry of misandry or whatever. Truly exhausting.

As the title suggests, this won't be ironclad. There is no 1 way fits-all to quit Findom, but that's okay. There really doesn't need to be.

Brief background on me, your "Guide". Met findom via a gateway through porn -> Femdom -> other similar fetishes -> sure, financial loss sounds fun(???). Been addicted for maybe 8 years. Couldn't tell you how much lifetime I have sent - it's bad, but not as massive as 8 years might suggest. I was at least always able to keep my head above deep water for the most part. I'm now 6 full months clean and send free.

You might think "6 months clean? Cool, but that's not THAT long", and that's reasonable. Many believe that in any addiction, there isn't just some finish line in terms of "stay clean for x years and you're free". I chose to believe I was done from day 1 and have given myself no reason to think I'll suddenly fall apart months or years from now. All very "mindset-y", but just how I've chosen to do it.

Why am I quitting?

1: I didn't have a good relationship (or control over a relarionship) with it

2: it's an unsustainable, road to burnout fun if you have said relationship with it

3: The scene is just kinda bad right now

With all of that established, let's talk about how I quit.

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1: Actually Want to Quit

A lot of people say they want to quit, but relapse every week. Relapsing constantly doesn't mean you don't want to quit, but many who regularly engage don't actually do so because they are helpless to this kink that has enslaved them. They do it because Findom has become the thing they do to unwind, blow off steam, relieve the stresses and pressure of real life.

Findom for you might be "Weekend drinks" for others. When I was younger, I played League of Legends 8 hours a day religiously for 3-4 years. Sounds like an addiction, until one day I asked myself "why am I playing a game that ultimately doesn't feel fun and just enrages me so much? I should go do something else." - and I did. I didn't need an intensive, recovery plan. I just needed to explore other options for where to spend my free time. Sadly, turned out to be Findom, but alas.

All that to say - at a certain point it's okay to admit you just like Findom. It's even okay to not quit if you can just find a way to balance it better, maybe with the right person or something. But if you can't do that and you don't like where Findom leaves you, you need to acknowledge that quitting is right for you and believe that you can in fact walk away and find something better or more sustainable.

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2: Root Cause

Ask yourself why you do Findom. Really think about it. Yes, it's likely fetish/kink driven, but why do you feel the need to have your kink stimulated so often, and in such a net-negative way?

For me, it got bad when my friends moved away, and I lacked a regular social structure. I worked from home full time, adding to this. I also just didn't love my job and found my life to be very bland and unfulfilling. Bland and unfulfilling is okay, I'm a big believer in this, but it was to a point that I was clearly dissatisfied with.

If your root cause is literally as simple as "I like to goon 24/7 and have made Findom an apparent necessity in this ritual", then your answer is just as simple - assuming the sending is out of hand and not within your means and the like, it's time to uh... get a fucking grip? I know that isn't friendly, understanding advice - but self awareness means nothing if you keep choosing self-destruction in spite of it. For those of you who have this kind of relationship with Findom, you really do just need to sort yourselves out. Your addiction is still "valid" (i hate the use of this word of late), but it demands some brute, self-intervention as the root cause isn't particularly nuanced when it's just dopamine-junkie, over-indulgence shit.

For those who are driven by something external, or more complicated, it may be time to look more closely at your life. I for one switched jobs, sought out more social opportunities, tried new interests (more on all this later). These aren't guarantees, nor are they easy, instantly adoptable approaches, but they are important things you should be working on if you need to - beyond just curbing your findom addiction. Write down the things you aren't liking about your life. Split them into "Solveable" and "ACTUALLY Unsolveable" - make sure you be brutally honest with these. A masturbation addiction because "you're cooked" isn't an unsolvable problem. An insane family dynamic that is a major source of chaos/stress is a lot closer to "unsolveable". You don't need immediate answers to the solveable problems, but keep them in mind as you move forward. The more of these things you can overcome, the less dependant you will be on findom.

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3: Make a Plan

And take it seriously. A comical level of seriousness. "I don't need therapy, or blocking software, or to lock up my phone and wallet to curb myself from sending" - brother, you've been sending most of your paycheck for years, yes you do.

As embarassing as it can all feel for something this dumb to have such a seemingly tight hold over you, it would be all the more embarassing to just lie down and accept this as "your fate", ignoring the many practical tools/measures you can be using to help yourself.

I utilised blocking software first, this was a massive help - not a perfect solution, but a start. I then started making physical distance from my cards and devices. At one point, I even left my devices and wallet at my parents house when I knew I'd be home for a long time with nowhere to be/nothing to do so "may aswell do findom". I called my bank, talked them through my problem (described it as a gambling thing because sure, telling your bank about a findom addiction is probably a bit weird. They were able to block transactions from some sites, add additional measures to make sending harder. Where they couldn't do things like this, they offered helpful, grounding advice and signposted useful sources of further support and advice.

If Findom has gotten as out of hand for you as it did for me, it simply isn't enough to now suddenly write it off as "not a big deal". You need to pull out all the stops and use every tool in the arsenal. Not because Findom is "just that powerful", but because your own relationship has gotten that tangled up in it.

4: Accept Some Hard Truths

Quitting anything is hard. You're dealing with a bad habit. You're going to have urges. You're going to want to relapse. Not because "There's no hope 😈 Findom always wins 🥵 This is just who you are 😵‍💫", but because it's just easy innit? All the work you might think is ahead of you sure sounds a lot harder than just pulling it out (your wallet, maybe your dick too, probably both).

But how far down the road are you gonna kick that can before you decide to just put it in the bin already? If you constantly take the easy way out, you set yourself up to feel incapable of doing the necessary work to leave this behind.

Findom blows right now in my opinion, but however you feel about it, what matters is how you feel about yourself, or the version of yourself that engages with it. If you hate Findom and what it does you, walk away. If you love Findom, but just can't keep it under wraps, walk away.

My last piece of advice relates to those whose Findom addiction is heavily tied to a masturbation addiction, like mine. Get back into regular porn. Train yourself to get off to other things. No, this doesn't solve the problem, or at best maybe replaces it with a different one, but this has been helpful for me. You can even try buying content if you want a small taste of the "financial side" - I used to do this prior to quitting and it made me realise how little you're actually paying for in Findom. Just a thought.

This isn't the most profound advice, but it's how I've managed so far. Life is good. Findom is still somewhat a part of it by way of talking about it on forums, but I'm happily removed from the practice of it.

I'll delete Reddit at the end of the year and leave it all behind for good. Dms are open to chat through other peoples circumstances or situatuons, but I'm less acrive now so apologies if replies are slow. Good luck everyone.

Just over a couple of weeks away from Reddit has been nice! Took a break from being online in general for the most part, always a good thing.

See an uptick in posts asking the big question: "How Do I Quit Findom?"

There's no definite answer to this frustratingly, but as someone who has now been 6 months fully removed from sending, and no signs of slowing down, I'll maybe toss my hat into the "Guide to Quitting" ring in a later post.

Most of the advice you'll get here to be honest is going to be generic. It's hard to directly advise people how to navigate something like this, that's the simple truth to it.

That said, it doesn't hurt to try and I'm grateful to see so many encouraging comments under posts seeking advice.

Hope everyone's doing well!

Rare post from me where I go to bat for (some) dommes.

This might feel like a stretch, but we're all familiar with a scenario like this:

Woman meets man, he takes her home, they have sex, she leaves the next morning, she regrets the encounter, allegations ensue.

There are of course very real versions of this. But there are also fraudulent ones. Where sheer regret drives a person to invent reasons why they couldn't possibly have made the decision to consent to the interaction, and so they must be a victim of some horrid abuse or manipulation.

Findom has versions of this. One of the plays out as follows:

Sub meets domme. They have a session. The domme pushes, the sub relents (sometimes the sub asks for more push). They keep going. The sub "finishes". Regret hits. The scale of financial loss is realised.

The sub reports the domme. Maybe for misconduct, inappropriate content, abuse/harassment. The domme gets banned.

You can argue it's insulting to compare this with the scenario above, or you could argue that they are similar. Either way, the point remains.

Where dommes go to disgusting lengths, beyond the realm of what is appropriate, reporting and flagging is absolutely the way to go.

Reporting accounts or taking other measures to get them deplatformed, or payments refunded or something like that because "the funs over and you regret sending so much" is pathetic. You are a consenting adult and you should bear the brunt of your decisions in this space where you've knowingly consented to them, however costly.

There are exceptions most certainly. But "I was horny and idk I just don't think straight when I'm horny" isn't one of them.

If I'm being honest, I can't say I'm all that invested in the longevity of domme accounts or anything, but it is slimy to report or have payments refunded after you've gotten yours. Beyond slimy, it just shows a lack of accountability that is simply gross and pathetic.

I know my dissent means very little to the type of sub doing this, but there you have it all the same. Curious to know if others agree that this is an issue.

Quitting Journey is still going very well! Nearing 6 months clean, send free and happy.

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I'm still active on Reddit, mainly here and PPSG. I was chatting with the occasional domme about Findom broadly, not actively engaging with it, but I've let those fizzle out for my own sake.

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I'm taking a break here because honestly my time on reddit is split maybe 70/30 between PPSG and Quitting Findom, and the 70 is almost always just "taking the rage-bait, if not admittedly actively looking for an argument".

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I like going up to bad for subs in that group given the very vocal, horribly condescending minority (majority, probably) named 'The Dommes'. It's frustrating to see sub voices and opinions be shut down, course corrected or just blankly ignored and replaced with an appropriate domme narrative.

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I get slight satisfaction from arguing with these dommes at times, but it really is a pointless, sisyphean task.

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I'm comfortably into quitting now and will use that comfort to carry me forward to see how I do. I will most certainly be back to keep updates coming and to hear from and engage more with the members of THIS group. Stay strong fellas - it's not easy but it's very possible - I am proof among many other success stories!

Occasionally between the domme posts, bait posts, parody bait posts and the other, miscellaneous posts that get dropped on this sub, a few interesting or engaging conversations sprout up.

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A recent example being "why (op thinks) you shouldn't send big", or other general topics like make doms, why Findom "ain't what it used to be", why some dommes miss the mark, etc.

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These posts are nearly always engaged with in the same way. If you judged the responses to the post by only the first hour or so of it being up, you'd think "damn this dude is getting RATIO'D" or whatever. A massively negative reception from one particular group, complete with a pile of downvotes and a mix of unhelpful, mic-drop one liner "owns" and detailed responses about why OP is catagorically wrong in every single way.

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Then a few hours or maybe a day passes, more level heads begin to filter through the posts. Upvote ratio tends to even out, and while the initial responses get a few combative comments beneath them at times, mostly they are left with a handful of reasonable, balanced takes. It is good to see those types of responses prevail in the end.

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Obviously everyone is entitled to and a opinion and to voice it. But do the reactions need to be SO visceral?

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Sure some posts are either accidental or very intentional ragebait; but I've seen so many genuine attempts by subs trying to share a perspective or train of thought that gets immediately shut down in an unnecessarily condescending or diminishing way.

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Dommes are obviously welcome, but could you at least regulate your input a little? Read the room? It often isn't asked for or at all needed, but even when it is - it can be level-headed, or it could add something. Your ego, career as a domme, mental agility or whatever is not on the line here. Not every post is a callout, attack or threat to your values.

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The obvious damage caused by an addiction to Findom is financial, and it varies from person to person. One person might be sending within their means, steadily losing money that could and probably should be spent or saved elsewhere. Another might be more "all in" and send beyond their means, causing more serious long term problems for themselves. The scale is very, very wide.

The finanical side is obvious, it's in the name. But what about the broader implications? Leaving out the financial stuff, here's a very common trap that people fall into:

"My addiction is damaging my finances, but beyond that; it isn't really causing any trouble. It's private; any harm is contained within myself - I'm just losing money and it's my money to lose."

Here's a list of things Findom ALSO costs you:

Time: Money is easy to comprehend. Big number = good, small number = bad. Time is not. You can't assign the value of a day, or a few hours of your life. It's hard to comprehend how much of a loss this might be. Your time doesn't need a strict value either, but it's worth thinking about how much time Findom TRULY takes out of your life.

Let's say it's tied to masturbation, because it is for most people. So you scroll looking for a domme, time lost. You start chatting/warming up to the "findom" part, time lost. You edge(?), goon(?), for however long - time lost. You finish, post nut hits and for MANY of us, we don't just bounce back immediately from that feeling. It could be upwards of HOURS you leave yourself in this cycle. Though it might feel like you've enjoyed some of it, or that you "needed" it, the cost is dire when you combine however much you spent with the time you have now lost as well. Just because you otherwise don't know what to spend your time on, does NOT make it any less valuable. You might not know what to do with yourself yet, but you know Findom is just the bandage over a deeply infected wound.
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Confidence: For most of us, our Findom kink/fetish/whatever is private. Because it's so private and hidden from the rest of the world, it's easy to think that you're successfully living a double life. One, seemingly put together person on the streets, "hopeless findom addict-loser" in the sheets, or more plainly; the privacy of your own home.

Findom devours your confidence. It doesn't always do this actively, it isn't every dommes goal to make you feel weak even. But privately going through these motions as frequently as many of us do has a lingering impact that seeps into our lives outside of Findom. You carry that shame into your everyday life and it shows far more than you think it does.

Findom becomes your safe space. You don't feel understood outside of this space. This feels like a part of you that demands service, it creates the need and dependency. You can privately deal with your emotions, the bullshit of your job or life, ANY stress or worry can be eased via Findom and kink. But that's the danger - Stress eased is not stress dealt with. Once again, it's the bandage over the bullet hole. Findom might feel like the cure, but once all is said, spent and done, you are still left with the exact same problems you had before you went back there searching for relief.

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Energy: Sort of a combination of the above. To keep this one simple, you're pouring your focus into something that's actively taking from you - physically, emotionally and financially. Findom and spaces like it will always feel like a safe blanket to hide beneath, even despite the financial loss that comes with it. Again, you may not know where to place your energy otherwise right now, but you have to know it belongs anywhere but a space like this.

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So what's the cure? Here's the uncomfortable truth; the cure is just hard work and commitment towards breaking down a potent habit that you have spent so long building up. Nothing fancier than that, it's very simple, but not at all an easy task.

You've let yourself feel dependant on this, but you weren't born with that need. Nor did you naturally grow into it. You found yourself here for whatever reason and now you need to find your way out (speaking only for people who either want to quit Findom, or need to because it has gotten too far out of hand).

Try to find the root cause, deal with the things you need to or perhaps refuse to deal with in your life. Face adversity, choose discomfort, pull out ALL the stops to create distance from this. You were a person before Findom. You will be a person after Findom; hopefully a more confident, happy one.

Life stories can't be unwritten, but we can start any number of new chapters. You know how you WANT the next chapter of your story to read, so get to writing. Good luck all.