u/Sweaty-Instance-8754

I just got my toddlers blood work done. Shes got low ferritin without anemia and low normal zinc. Im annoyed because iv been trying really hard to give her a healthy diet. Meanwhile my brothers in my ear saying that if I just gave her a small amount of high quality meat and eggs she would be healthier for it.

Iv been vegan for 15 years. I care about animals but I care about my children more.

Has anyone got any advice for me? I felt so healthy on a vegan diet but went on to have alot of health issues postpartum and its made me feel like maybe im missing out on somthing too. Or it could just be a genetic vulnerability. Im taking my health more seriously because I want another baby and I want to make sure I have everything the baby needs to thrive.

Im 2 week pp.

Does anyone have any insight into my experience?

​

The birth of my first child 2½ years ago triggered an unexpected mental health crisis that resulted in my first-ever mental breakdown. I was told it had acute post partum depression but im now questioning that diagnosis.

​

I delivered my second child two weeks ago, and despite having a much better birth experience and doing everything I could think of to prepare, I developed the exact same early symptoms. 😑

​

Basically, it's like labour puts me into a heightened state and my body doesn't come down from it. It gets stuck. I think really fast, I talk really fast, and I eat really fast. It's like I'm in a constant race. Despite my husband and mum taking the baby between feeds so I could rest, I got less and less sleep each day but didn't feel tired at all. Every day, I felt more confused and less able to absorb information.

​

I found it next to impossible to figure out breastfeeding in this state. It became a very stressful experience. I could tell something was wrong with my breastfeeding technique because I was in increasing pain, so I organised an online consultation. But I couldn't retain or implement the information. This resulted in me becoming even more stressed and, therefore, even less able to sleep.

​

This all came to a head when I lay down, 3 or 4 nights after giving birth, and got heart palpitations. My heart started beating erratically, and it came with the beginnings of a soul-deep feeling of dread. It's genuinely hard to describe. It's like terror embodied.

​

It was literally impossible to sleep under these conditions.

​

After my first birth, I pushed myself further trying to breastfeed because it's something I desperately wanted to experience. But this time, I saw the writing on the wall. I could see where this was heading if I continued not to sleep.

​

I gave up breastfeeding and took a sleep aid so I could sleep through the night. Iv now stabilised and am feeling a lot better.

​

I feel heartbroken about breastfeeding, but I also feel like I made the right choice because I'm feeling so much better.

​

With my first child, I pushed it so far that I literally could not bond with or connect to my baby. At least this time, I think I may have successfully pulled myself out of it in time before completely losing it.

​

It's such a damn shame this happens. I would love to just feel exhausted and tired postpartum like a normal person.

​

I was hoping my reaction to my first birth was due to how long, painful, and traumatising it was. But now I can see it's something inherent to me. 😓

​

Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone know if there is a physiological cause that can be treated? Does anyone have any advice?

​

I would love to have another child one day, and it would be amazing if I could breastfeed. I know it's not the most important thing, but I'd love to experience that type of bonding with my child.

​

I have been supported through this time by my midwife and i discussed my history with my GP prior to giving birth. I chose not to involve a psycharachrist this time because I suspect following a my psychs advice after my forst birth actually harmed me more then it helped me. He put me on mertazipine and I had a severe negative reaction. I will discuss my most recent experience with my GP when I see her next.

​