u/Swimming_Jacket_3986

I learned who my friends were when my marriage fell apart

I’m 49F. When I was 48, I divorced my husband of 18 years after finding out he had been cheating throughout our marriage. I don’t think “devastated” comes close to describing how I felt.

I was a successful professional athlete, and I thought I had built a close circle of friends along the way. When my marriage ended, I assumed they’d be the people I could lean on. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

My best friend listened to me once. After that, she didn’t make time to check in or ask how I was doing. I was in a very dark place and had thoughts of suicide. I remember sitting in the shower for five hours, unable to get up, while the water went cold.

When I told the other women what I was going through, they said they didn’t want to get in the middle because they were friends with both of us. But my ex barely knew them. He only spoke to them when they came to my house.

I was the one who hosted and paid for the get-togethers: Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, birthdays, Halloween, Christmas—you name it. I made the effort and opened my home to them. But when I needed support, they weren’t there.

It’s been almost two years, and not one of them has checked in with a simple “Hey, how are you doing?” I eventually stepped away from all of them. I don’t host gatherings for them anymore, and if I do have an event, they aren’t invited.

Maybe they feel hurt by that. None of them has asked me why. I’ll never forget how much I did for everyone, and how alone I felt when I was the one who needed friends. They had their own families and problems, and didn’t want to get involved in mine. I understand people have their limits, but it still hurts to realize the friendships I counted on weren’t there when my life fell apart.

I (50F) have been married to my husband (45M) for years. One of his brothers worked at a business that my husband and I own. He was paid well, and his wife and children trained at our facility for free.

Over the years, tension developed because I corrected one of their sons for misbehaving and made a harmless joke with another child that was taken personally. Instead of discussing their concerns with me, they held onto resentment. I later learned they expected an apology, but no one communicated that directly at the time.

Eventually, they left our facility. When they did, they spoke negatively about me, tried to damage my reputation, and encouraged members to leave. It felt like a deliberate attempt to harm both my character and the business I had worked hard to build.

About four years later, my mother-in-law became seriously ill. During that time, I helped care for her, provided financial support when needed, and encouraged her to take better care of her health. Sadly, she passed away.

The day she died, the entire family was together. Despite not speaking to my husband's brother, his wife, or their children for four years, I hugged them and offered my sincere condolences multiple times.

Two weeks later, we attended the memorial service. I was grieving too. This was my mother-in-law, and I loved her. Because I had already expressed my condolences, I did not go out of my way to approach my husband's nephews again at the memorial.

Not once during this process did anyone offer me condolences for my loss.

After the service, my husband's brother became upset that I hadn't specifically approached his sons to offer condolences again. He felt I was wrong and disrespectful for not doing so.

Now my husband believes I should apologize and reach out because that side of the family wants to return to our facility. I have refused. At this point in my life, I value peace and boundaries. I have no interest in revisiting years of drama, especially with people who never apologized for trying to damage my reputation and business.

I feel I already offered my condolences multiple times when their mother and grandmother passed away. They feel I should have done it again at the memorial.

AITA?

I (50F) have been married to my husband (45M) for years. One of his brothers worked at a business that my husband and I own. He was paid well, and his wife and children trained at our facility for free.

Over the years, tension developed because I corrected one of their sons for misbehaving and made a harmless joke with another child that was taken personally. Instead of discussing their concerns with me, they held onto resentment. I later learned they expected an apology, but no one communicated that directly at the time.

Eventually, they left our facility. When they did, they spoke negatively about me, tried to damage my reputation, and encouraged members to leave. It felt like a deliberate attempt to harm both my character and the business I had worked hard to build.

About four years later, my mother-in-law became seriously ill. During that time, I helped care for her, provided financial support when needed, and encouraged her to take better care of her health. Sadly, she passed away.

The day she died, the entire family was together. Despite not speaking to my husband's brother, his wife, or their children for four years, I hugged them and offered my sincere condolences multiple times.

Two weeks later, we attended the memorial service. I was grieving too. This was my mother-in-law, and I loved her. Because I had already expressed my condolences, I did not go out of my way to approach my husband's nephews again at the memorial.

Not once during this process did anyone offer me condolences for my loss.

After the service, my husband's brother became upset that I hadn't specifically approached his sons to offer condolences again. He felt I was wrong and disrespectful for not doing so.

Now my husband believes I should apologize and reach out because that side of the family wants to return to our facility. I have refused. At this point in my life, I value peace and boundaries. I have no interest in revisiting years of drama, especially with people who never apologized for trying to damage my reputation and business.

I feel I already offered my condolences multiple times when their mother and grandmother passed away. They feel I should have done it again at the memorial.

AITA?