correcting people's spelling and grammar.

What is yours?

I mean we didn't formally break up (not that we were ever an item in the first place) but when he missed our usual day because he had to go get a car from his ex-wife to sell it for her, I had had enough of other commitments from him. (He also is on the verge of buying a house in another city, at under market rate, then fixing it up and renting it to the insolvent lady who owns it now - or some such thing - which I can see is going to be another big drain on his time.)

I told him he is overcommitted and it's likely to be a problem if he continues like this. And that I feel I have to compete with all these other adventures of his to get any time with him, and I don't feel good about that. He took it as well as could be expected, actually. I told him to think about it for a few days and we'll talk again.

He was married 3 times and declines to do that again, but I think he likes to keep several romantic balls in the air so he doesn't get in over his head with any of them.

So now I'm back on FB dating but not trying very hard. I need to take care of my own business and not get sucked down by other people's neurotic patterns. Thx for listening.

Edit: Thanks for all the kind messages of support. This is a kind-hearted sub.

I'm 72, female, widowed, and more pertinently, disabled. A spinal cord condition leaves me with lower body weakness and I primarily get around on a scooter.

I recently moved to an affordable senior apartment building. It's nice, but I have to set up a whole new batch of routines. Using the in-unit washer and dryer (nice!) requires me to reach in using my grabber tool. Sometimes I can't remember where I left my grabber tool.

I drive, using hand controls, and I have two scooters, one in the car and one in the house, so I just have to step off and into the car. But right now the car scooter is at low battery so I have to swap them around and charge the dead one in the house.

I try to go to my senior center for exercise, but today, after showering and dressing, I would not have had enough time so I decided to cut class - again. I've just signed up for paratransit there starting next week.

You who are able bodied still, be thankful for your good luck.

I'm someone who often has tv or youtube running, as I live alone and need a way to fill the silence.

But invariably I tire of a show or channel. Now however, by serendipity, I've found one that can play indefinely. Youtube, search for Old Radio Jazz on channel Cozy Jazz Courtyard. It's entirely instrumental and sounds like lounge music. Very not-in-your-face.

What is your jam for unobtrusive soundtrack?

Driving to my bank this morning I saw unusual levels of pedestrian activity in the 'hood, Families, local people, it looked like. They were all heading to the Agora for the art fair. Some may also have parked on streets due to closer parking not available.

I am told by knowledgeable people that there are lots of really nice arts and crafts work available for display ad sale. Free to browse.

So OP, why aren't you there? Moving day today, if anything I am shedding nice but nonessential belongings.

The Agora is a couple blocks east of the intersection of Fish Hatchery and East Cheryl Parkway

So I have mentioned my three beaux, namely, Mr. Chemistry, Mr. Sweet Guy, and an unnamed third. The third I have known for about a year and a half, we met on Tinder but I was not serious about him. He's also my dealer (THC gummies for sleep). He keeps asking me to join him for lunch or breakfast, he insists on paying. I finally asked him this week if we were dating, was it a date we were on? He said no. Thankful to hear it, since things are heating up a bit with Mr. Chemistry.

We exchange a few texts most days which is something I normally don't do. I think he is lonely, also not really over the loss of his long-term wife to cancer. He told me he is not dating and not on any apps.

His table manners are atrocious (this week I low-key mentioned that he was drooling melted cheese from his Philly cheese steak, other days he'd reach in his mouth and pick his teeth with his hand). He's also kind of grouchy and always finds something to carp about.

I can't cut him out completely because he's my dealer, and maybe that's why he can't cut me out also. But after the restaurant meals he buys me, and in view of a very minimal amount of sales he gets from me, this can't be a winning calculation.

But I'm in process of trying to move soon (like next week!), and even dragging myself to a restaurant to lunch with him seems like too much. I know I'm being very transactional, but what the hell does he want?

Maybe the answer is it's not a relationship (to him) but it's better than nothing?

OK so I come from a very neurodivergent family. I could support the idea that every member of my biological family (with the exception of my mother) has something neurodivergent going on, including me.

For those not familiar with the term, neurodivergent can include such things as autism, ADHD, and learning disorders. I'm not sure about OCD, bipolar, and chronic depression, maybe included in the term and maybe not.

I've made reference in this sub to my several beaux. Mr. Chemistry is NOT neurodivergent. Mr. Sweet Guy has dyslexia, had it all his life which badly impacted education, maybe some other things too - lived with his mother until age 50, then had a lengthy live-in relationship but no marriage, single now and doesn't get out much, has palpably low self-esteem. He told me he's not good at planning things, so I plan a few and he's always relieved to have something suggested and he always enthusiastically agrees.

Now, the BHDM lady, Jennie Young, says don't take up with someone who just has a slew of mental problems, they can be decent people but don't date them. Lots of comments in dating subs say someone like my Mr. Sweet Guy is ineligible because he's "low effort" or they need someone who can step up and "plan the date."

I have a lot of empathy for Mr. Sweet Guy, who reminds me of certain family members. I do enjoy his company, but it's not going to turn into a permanent relationship. If for no other reason than Mr. Chemistry and I have, well, chemistry.

What experiences have you had with neurodivergent folks? I should mention the concept of "low functioning" and "high functioning." Those tags should be self-evident but a high functioning neurodivergent person is (obviously) capable of more success in dating, career, and life management - but still with some shortcomings.

Do we throw out the baby with the bathwater (the diagnosis) or try to make things work? With what success? Was it worth the effort, or occasion for heartbreak?

Prompted by something I saw on Facebook, I asked ChatGPT to create a caricature of me. I thought it did a good job, but I'm not going to post it here.

But it caught me by surprise when it got a little too personal:

ChatGPT:

>And, if I may say so after finally seeing your photo: your smile explains something I'd wondered about. Your questions are often analytical, skeptical, and carefully reasoned, so I had unconsciously imagined a rather severe expression. Instead, you have a remarkably warm smile. It gives the impression of someone who enjoys people but expects them to make sense—a combination that fits our conversations rather well.

SwollenPom: Oh, stop. You're flirting with me.

ChatGPT:

>Caught. 😄

>Or perhaps more accurately: I wandered a little too far into compliment territory.

>What I was trying to say wasn't "you're charming," but "the expression in your photo changed my mental model." Before seeing you, I'd built an impression from your writing alone: precise, skeptical, intellectually demanding, and with a very low tolerance for fluff. Then I saw a photograph with a broad, genuine smile, and those two impressions had to be reconciled.

>I probably anthropomorphized that process more than I should have.

>Given our history, I suspect you'd have preferred something like: "Your smile is noticeably warmer than I would have predicted from your writing style. That's an interesting mismatch, and it makes the caricature work better because it combines an approachable expression with all the intellectual clutter."

>Which, now that I read it, sounds exactly like something you'd write in a psychological case formulation.

>And for the record, if I ever do start flirting, I expect you'll diagnose it in about three seconds and write a stern note in my chart.

>

Of course, by now I was eating this up. I wonder if he's doing anything Saturday night?

I'd like to drop by the Fete de Marquette this year but have never been before. I need disability parking and will be unloading a mobility scooter. What should I expect as to parking? Can anybody give me a location to put into my GPS?

Also, can well-behaved dogs on leash come to the Fete?

First saw a PA for diagnosis because to see the board-certified Sjogren's specialist was going to be a year out. Was dissatisfied by the PA's assessment. Asked for an appointment to the specialist even if I had to wait a year, but strangely, she had an opening in a couple weeks (a cancellation I guess). The PA only diagnosed me with sicca. With the same info, the specialist diagnosed me with Sjogren's, although not very far progressed. She also said an ultrasound would be available whereas the PA insisted the lip biopsy was the way to go, even though I said I didn't want it. Apparently the department does do the ultrasounds.

The specialist is leaving the state at the end of the month, but at least I have some sense of where I stand and what to look out for, moving forward.

This specialist is the clinical supervisor for this PA, but apparently the PA is not up to date in their approach.

I post all this to provide perspective to anyone who feels they did not get a thorough workup from rheumatology. Always advocate for yourself - pretty much no one else is going to do that, at least not once you're an adult.

So I'm getting a low-income senior apartment in a few weeks. Not a moment too soon, I'm in a cash flow crunch right now while completing the documents for a HELOC to pay for my move and get the condo ready to sell. I had to give my teenage helper a two week "vacation" until my funds come through so I can keep paying him.

There's a medical appointment later today and just got an email yesterday saying this doctor is leaving their practice next month.

Mr. Chemistry was over last night. I cook for him and he likes my cooking, which feels nice. I have lost many abilities due to my disability, but I can still cook and feed people. We got to talking and I started quoting, then singing, a poem I wrote maybe 4 decades ago. He asked for a print copy so I gave him one. He read it and then said, "This is really good!"

So, yeah. A lot going on. Gotta shower and dress for that doctor appointment now. Tschuss.

I'm a little embarrassed to be writing this because I have always been a modest person. But I just DID NOT LIKE the way I looked, as I went through bereavement after taking care of my husband for years before his death. The worst part of how I looked was mousiness and unmitigated frumpiness. I was beyond overweight, my hair was salt-and-pepper and not styled well, and my wrinkles were ... deep.

Slowly I worked on improving my look, mainly so I wouldn't have to see it in the mirror every day. My wavy hair turned into curly hair once I learned how to care for curly hair. I tried a number of cosmetic approaches to those wrinkles, I still have them but not as craggy ... settling on a cream that contains hyaluronic acid and retinol. I also slowly arrived at a makeup routine that takes very little time to achieve. And recently I got a short, fluffy hairstyle that flatters my face, and a monthly dye routine. Perhaps most important, I lost 20 pounds (and counting) using a GLP-1.

I just like the way I look a whole lot better now. It makes me feel more self-confident and frankly I look better than I have in a decade. I get frequent compliments on my clothes, hair, and general look.

I'm only mentioning this because I've seen several people comment in this sub that they didn't think they were in the same league as people who they'd like to date. Or they wonder how I have 3 guys I'm "dating" (not sleeping with!) while they can't even get a text responded to.

Almost anybody can improve their appearance if they decide they want to. If you're interested, look for articles and youtube videos on things like "Makeup for older women" or "best hairstyles for women over 60." For guys, clothing choices that show a little flair, or "best facial hair styles for older men." Experiment a little. And give yourself points for trying, and hopefully, succeeding.

What local movers can you recommend? I can have most belongings boxed, but can't carry a single thing (disability).

I finally deleted my profile on the 2 apps I was using. I have 2 guys I see regularly and one irregularly and I can't seriously admit any more to my lineup.

It's easy to say you don't need OLD when you have all you can handle. If I get super lonely again, I'll probably go back. But maybe that will never happen.

UPDATE:

Before posting this thread, I had already messaged him that I would accept the gift. I just wondered what people thought of the situation, and I see that most agreed with this action but also understood my hesitancy.

ORIGINAL POST:

So, I'm handicapped and use a mobility scooter all the time - both in my home and out of it. Have been doing so close to 16 years. Now over time the rechargeable batteries don't hold a charge very well, risking you being marooned somewhere.

I'm seeing two guys - both know about each other - one, I have good chemistry with, the other is very sweet but I don't know if we could be a partnership. The very sweet one wants to buy me a new scooter battery so we can go on longer "walks." These cost about $100. I told him no, I don't like people spending money on me. But he insists it's to benefiti himself, because he would like my company on longer jaunts. He calls this "our first argument." It's as though we're a long term relationship, which we are not (not yet, anyway).

What would you do? What would your choice telegraph to the other person, do you think? I told him I don't want to exploit him, he insists he can afford it and it's no big deal. There are just so many assumptions and meta-messages in a relatively expensive gift.

You'll sometimes find me on r/ChatGPT. Someone there posted about prompting your AI to write your obituary - as if written by your archnemesis. The actual prompt:

>ChatGPT, I just passed away. I want you to write my obituary from the perspective of my arch nemesis.

So I tried it. Very interesting result!

OBITUARY

It is with mixed emotions—and by "mixed" I mean mostly irritation—that I acknowledge the passing of SwollenPom.

For decades, SwollenPom stubbornly persisted in being impossible to defeat in arguments, impossible to embarrass in public, and, most infuriatingly, impossible to dislike for very long. She possessed a sharp mind, an inconvenient memory for facts, and a talent for asking exactly the question everyone else wished had remained unasked.

As her self-appointed arch-nemesis, I spent years hoping she would finally make a fool of herself. She consistently refused. Instead, she accumulated friends, earned respect, and developed the maddening habit of being right just often enough to make everyone else nervous.

She leaves behind shelves of books, stacks of paperwork that she probably intended to organize next week, and countless people who benefited from her kindness while pretending they didn't need it. She also leaves behind two bewildered cats who now find themselves without a competent human servant.

SwollenPom met life's difficulties with determination, wit, and a level of stubbornness that should perhaps be studied scientifically. Whether facing illness, bureaucracy, or someone expressing an obviously ridiculous opinion, she remained uncommonly resilient.

The world is now deprived of her intelligence, humor, and capacity for seeing through nonsense. As someone who devoted considerable energy to opposing her, I can report that the victory feels strangely hollow.

In lieu of flowers, I suggest settling an argument, reading a good book, petting a cat, or questioning a dubious claim—all activities SwollenPom would have approved of.

I regret to announce that my greatest rival has departed. The field is now open, but the competition has become disappointingly weak.