Reaching my limit with my blended family
Buckle up its a long one but I need some advice. So I (55m) married my wife 48(f) 10 years ago. We each bring 2 kids to our blended family. Some background and I'll try to be as honest and blunt as possible. My wife and Is marriage has always been rocky. She's hard headed and I'm stubborn. Were both know it alls. We genuinely adore each other anyway. She's from west Africa and I'm black American so we've each had unique experiences that shaped up and continue to shape us. Problem is our children. When we first got together her kids were still in Africa. They didn't come over until after we were already married. I haven't been the best step dad emotionally, because I'm really not an emotional person and it's hard to just develop feelings for kids. I have always financially supported them and my wife. She's frigging terrible with money. She's not allowed anywhere near our joint finances because she honestly can't be trusted with money. I think she also feels a level a guilt because she has allowed her kids to get away with anything since they've arrived. Boy came over in elementary school (has since come out as gay and is now trans, all before turning 18). The girl came after she graduated high school there. Came here and went to college for like a year. Dropped out and now at 28 is addicted to weed and can't hold down a job. Literally has issues everywhere she works. Neither of them have friends. Youngest basically stays in her room 18 hours a day and hasn't had a job in years. I was against the whole transitioning thing because I felt they were too young but ultimately her mom agreed to it and of course it was my insurance that pays for it. So the issue now stands at this: we moved into a new house last year, only my name is on it because wife's credit is in the toilet. I pay 80 percent of everything. My children dont live with us (but my youngest may be moving back, they are both grown 23m and 32). We have a gazebo in the house that thr oldest girl uses to go smoke weed. It irritates me that she closes off the gazebo everyday to smoke. I love outdoors but she has completely taken that joy from me. We got into a big argument and she said she deserves to feel comfortable in the house she loves in. Mind you, 28, contributes not a daayumm dime, but is entitled. The youngest is mad at me because she finally has decided to go to school and her bio dad and mom can't cover the cost so they asked me and I said I would loan whatever money they can't cover but she has to get a job to cover her incidental. Now she's telling her mom she doesn't even want to go to school because I'm being mean about money. I'm honestly ready to get a separation but I really do love my wife, just tired of the kids. I would never make her choose because even I would always choose my kids, so it seems like a split is the only option. I grew up with responsibilities, you don't work you don't eat. I raised kids and now I feel like I'm being forced to raise adults. I'm becoming unhappy in my own home and that's intolerable for me. Did I mention they don't contribute shit. How do you get opinions when you don't contribute. My wife says I've never made them feel wanted. I counter with don't i provide a fuggin roof over their head. My wife honestly tried to be a pesce maker but the stress is eating her up also. Unless I'm ready to let grown ass children have free reign I don't see any other way beyond separation. Thanks for letting me vent and I appreciate any advice.