u/TJHMB-54321

“Cheng Xiaoshi…I’ve been waiting for you”

He waited 15 years?!

The hand grip too?!

I’m sorry but that boy was definitely in love. Chinese censorship can’t fool me.

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I love love.

I love love more than anything.

I love when characters kiss in movies and make big dramatic declarations of love. I love shipping. I love waiting to see if these characters will kiss or not and then seeing them kiss. More than anything I want a love of my life. The kind you see in stories, where people want each other so much they can’t bear to be apart for more than a second. I love the idea of soulmates and having someone chosen for me by some unnamable force.

And it’s not just with romantic love…it’s platonic love too. I love the idea of friends who know and love you for who you are. Who are truly ride or die for you. That last a lifetime. I love the idea of loving someone, platonically, so much. I want to want to trust someone with my life.

But wanting and feeling are two different things. I want a fantasy, but in reality….

I feel nothing for actual people.

I feel no intrinsic NEED to get to know others. To hang out with others. When I do, on occasion, plan a hangout…it’s boring. It’s work. It’s an errand that I have to get done. It’s like doing laundry. Going to the gym. Brushing my teeth. Necessary…and sure it feels good to complete…but I don’t WANT it.

But I want to want it so bad.

I have this coworker at work who I think looks really pretty and honestly just gives off such…energy. She’s so cool. And artistic. And idk just something is so amazing about her.

I think I might be crushing but I’m not quite sure.

It’s always been hard for me, as a bi woman to tell whether I am attracted to a woman or just admire her and want to be her friend. It’s just not as obvious to me as it is with guys. With guys I just KNOW. But with girls it’s a bit more complicated.

All I know is I want to get to know her better. I want her to like me. I want her to think I’m as cool as I think she is.

Does anyone else feel sometimes like no matter what they do it’s wrong

I get to see my family for the first time in a while. Including my little nephew and niece.

I never was that comfortable around kids. But this time I feel like I’ve got it. That I know how to talk to kids now bc I’ve worked with them so much for my jobs. This thing that’s eluded me for so long makes sense.

But then my mom took me aside to say to stop speaking to kids like I’m at my work, to relax, to loosen up. That I’m not supposed to comment on or correct behavior or model language or anything just relax. That I sound stilted and unnatural and to just be myself.

I don’t know how to relax. I was relaxed. Till this convo came along.

But now I just feel lost and confused and like maybe I’ll just not say anything. I want to help but I have to know how to help correctly.