u/TJHMB-54321

Be honest

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“Cheng Xiaoshi…I’ve been waiting for you”

He waited 15 years?!

The hand grip too?!

I’m sorry but that boy was definitely in love. Chinese censorship can’t fool me.

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I love love.

I love love more than anything.

I love when characters kiss in movies and make big dramatic declarations of love. I love shipping. I love waiting to see if these characters will kiss or not and then seeing them kiss. More than anything I want a love of my life. The kind you see in stories, where people want each other so much they can’t bear to be apart for more than a second. I love the idea of soulmates and having someone chosen for me by some unnamable force.

And it’s not just with romantic love…it’s platonic love too. I love the idea of friends who know and love you for who you are. Who are truly ride or die for you. That last a lifetime. I love the idea of loving someone, platonically, so much. I want to want to trust someone with my life.

But wanting and feeling are two different things. I want a fantasy, but in reality….

I feel nothing for actual people.

I feel no intrinsic NEED to get to know others. To hang out with others. When I do, on occasion, plan a hangout…it’s boring. It’s work. It’s an errand that I have to get done. It’s like doing laundry. Going to the gym. Brushing my teeth. Necessary…and sure it feels good to complete…but I don’t WANT it.

But I want to want it so bad.

I have this coworker at work who I think looks really pretty and honestly just gives off such…energy. She’s so cool. And artistic. And idk just something is so amazing about her.

I think I might be crushing but I’m not quite sure.

It’s always been hard for me, as a bi woman to tell whether I am attracted to a woman or just admire her and want to be her friend. It’s just not as obvious to me as it is with guys. With guys I just KNOW. But with girls it’s a bit more complicated.

All I know is I want to get to know her better. I want her to like me. I want her to think I’m as cool as I think she is.