[In Progress] [15k] [Character-Driven Fantasy] The Moon That Never Set
Not looking to critique-swap, sorry!
The Moon That Never Set follows multiple characters as they form bonds, learn about one other, and uncover the mysteries of their world. At its heart, this story is about people and connection.
Content Warning
Grief. Mentions of missing/dead parents.
Feedback
I’m looking to see if people find the pacing engaging, or if some scenes feel too long or too short.
Are there points that left you confused?
Which characters did you connect with, if any?
Do they seem to behave distinctly, consistently, and believably?
Timeline
No deadline in mind. Read if and when you can! I don’t mind.
Excerpt From The Prologue
How long had it been, five days? A week? The moon didn't seem to leave the sky even during the day, if you could call it that. The deeper they went into the Nightsands, the less dawn seemed to arrive at all. It lived up to its name at least. Silvery sand stretched to the horizon, reflecting the sky above almost as clear as water. What little plant life was seen on their path appeared made of solid crystal, yet remained soft and springy to touch. Everyone else had seen this before. The team's new archaeologist, Darian, seemed to find this all revolutionary. He kept insisting "just a bit further" and "we're nearly there". But what he seemed to think they'd find was anybody's guess. It had been hours since the last team's marker. Uncharted territory, supposedly, yet it all looked the same as before. Same always-evening sky, same outcroppings of glass-like foliage, and now same Darian obsessed with finding something 'big'.
Mathis was team lead, and he was growing weary of Darian's naïve enthusiasm.
"Our supplies are running low, much further and we won't last the trek home," he stated matter-of-factly. "Tomorrow we'll start heading home."
While Mira and Rowan agreed, Darian was reluctant to turn back. It was his first time out here, and he was fascinated by every fragment of a ruin they encountered.
"Just look at this architecture!" he would exclaim at what looked like any other crumbling wall to everyone else. As team navigator, Mira was just glad to have the occasional landmark. Only Rowan seemed to match Darian's energy, but even he was beginning to tire after a week of nothing new, or maybe that was just the increasingly persistent night.
——
As the group was packing up their things under the faint morning moonlight, Darian was more distracted than ever.
"Couldn't sleep?" Mira asked.
"No, I've always been more of a night owl," Darian yawned, looking out across the sand.
"You're tellin' me," Rowan laughed, "you're so pale I'm surprised you even saw the sun before we came out here."
Mira smiled with tired amusement, "not that we get much sun in this place. The night does suit him though, doesn't it? Don't think I've ever seen him without bedhead."
Darian however, hardly seemed to notice their jesting remarks, his dark eyes transfixed on the horizon as though listening to something only he could hear. He almost fell over with shock when Mathis's large hand ruffled his hair,
"C'mon, kid, get your head out the clouds. It's time to go home."
So yeah, thanks in advance for anyone interested in seeing where things are at! :)