u/TamamizuTheMeh

Humanity is not going to abandon all essential activities, but no one's thinking about going to space or inventing vaccines, and every single human is going to be utterly fixated on figuring out how to make capybaras house pets

• When Jason gets resurrected by SBP, he manages to make his way to Bruce immediately
• Bruce dies instead of Jason and Jason goes on a progressively more violent revenge quest while Bruce's ghost does his best to protect him and tries to stay in denial about how homicidal Jason is becoming
• Bruce is born with a severe disability of some kind, but still wants to become Batman somehow
• Bruce was institutionalized unjustifiably because this one takes place in the middle of the 20th century, but he still gets out to fight crime once in a while and is back before anyone can notice
• Man-Bat/Batman swap AU where Bruce ends up turning himself into a giant bat monster that wreaks havoc and Kirk starts beating up muggers while wearing tights
• Batman but in a dystopia
• Batman but he got into magic instead of martial arts
• Batman but he was taken by Gather House
• All three of the Waynes die and Alfred becomes Batman
• Bruce is a clinical zoanthrope (don't really know what you'd do with this, but whatever)
• All three of The Flying Graysons die
• Right after the death of the Waynes, the fae step in and either kidnap Bruce or start trying to take care of him
• This is really a wider DC universe one, but like, one where everyone's some kind of supernatural creature/horror monster, except it's actually well thought out and stuff

You could technically just have then speak for convenience, but if you wanted to keep them mute, how could you?

If this is a stupid question, tell me, and I'll delete this right away

I was cursed with short arms, and there's the very real possibility that the reason my form is so cooked is simply a product of my build ahahhahahahahagahahhaba

I can't be certain what else it could be

A study conducted by ornithologists has come to the conclusion that there is a direct correlation between individuals who eat cheese regularly and individuals who develop depression, and similar results were found in regards to amount of video game streams watched and psychosis.

I would love to hear how Condiment King secretly reflects a deep dark part of Bruce's psyche, or how the friggin Carpenter is really a subtle commentary on him.

I don't mean the generic 'OoH, hE sHoUlD jUsT dOnAtE mOnEy' stuff. For example, one time I saw a someone in the reply section of a tumblr post unironically say that Batman is incapable of love because his parents died when he was eight

Our POV character is a college student who's recently had a falling out with a close friend. but they're clearly not over them, and keep observing them. Flashbacks reveal that said close friend was constantly stressed, and would often joke about things like running away into the woods to be the next Bigfoot, and other things of that nature.

While POV character (Let's call them Sherman) is sitting at a cafe with other people, the other person (Let's name them Beatrice) is sitting at a table in the same cafe, with three cups of coffee even though they're one person. Sherman is staring at Beatrice, at first just wondering what they have going through their head, before witnessing them open their mouth to take a sip, and realizing they have a small fork in their tongue.

Throughout the rest of the movie, Sherman becomes more and more stalkerish towards Beatrice, and because Beatrice is so heavily isolated, no one else pays enough attention to them to notice them slowly develop things like several rows of sharp teeth and patches of fur, among other things. Sherman becomes convinced Beatrice has started to suffer a curse of some kind, and attempts to reconnect with them in hopes they can be helped in some way. Beatrice however, meets all these attempts with quiet amiability, and keeps behaving like they are mildly inconvenienced at worst, even as their skeleton rearranges and they grow horns.

Eventually, it gets to the point where, in desperation, Sherman breaks into Beatrice's sad apartment to kidnap them so they can perform a makeshift curse removal on them, only to discover a lab journal of sorts, the first section devoted to methods of transformation and the second a documentation of Beatrice's development. Sherman is then surprised by a creature that looks nothing like their old friend, but they know instinctively this is them. Beatrice walks right up to Sherman, flops onto their back, stomach fully exposed, as a show of friendliness. Then they jump out a window, take off into the woods, and are never seen again.

Call it Mangle Me or something, I don't know

For heaven's sake, I cannot bear more love interests being introduced for Bruce. The latest of these mannequins is Annika Zeller, who I think is cool until the story tries to make her and Bruce a thing. THIS SUCKS ASS!!! I do not care for sauceless romances, and they spoil my dear blorbo. I just don't get what giving Bruce a love interest so often does for his character. I am not here to watch him go through the plot of a poorly written romance movie, give me cool stuff dammit.

I think I'd be less enraged if there were less love interests, and they were written in a way that they actually had an interesting thing going on with Bruce, but no, they're barf-worthy. Don't even get me started on converting pre-established characters.

The Rebirth Justice League run had Jessica Cruz kiss Bruce for some reason. I'm pretty sure I visibly recoiled when I read that part of the story. It tends to feel like another form of Batgod, like, it's all 'Ooh, all the hot women want to smooch me. I'm so hot and brooding and cool', and like, um, ew. Go solve crimes. Stop trying to push stupid ships.