u/Tasty-Professor2023

Typing this on facebook first before i copy paste to r/SemenRetention.

A relapse that made me realize this is real and to take it seriously.

Before i start this i just want to say how long i went on retention and how i relapsed: somewhere when it got really hot, i spent the day at my girlfriends house. I took a shower there and intentionally did what i did for the first time with a partner.

Now AFTER that, she acted different towards me. Complete personality and energy shift. I did not feel good. I didnt enjoy it at all. Like i kind of did but it didnt fulfill me. It felt like a cheap birthday party.

So EVEN after that release (im not counting), i got tripped on by my team lead and coworkers. I made a rant video but didnt talk about what i did prior.

So fast forward some days, things go back to normal. To where i decided not to count me releasing with her as a relapse. After working and having a wierd schedule and being stuck in this heat and not feeling good, i look at imAs h. I grew up basically gooning to these anime idols throughout highschool… and i guess before i even discovered sr and my life back then was worse looking back.

But regardless this is not something i do or cared about. Just me being sexual unlocked this need to chase and release and for the first time i did what i did the years before sr and began edging on gelbooru.

Now here’s where everything falls apart. I basically flexed it and AAAAAALOOOOOT comes out. It would not stop. My body got rid of ALL OF IT. My first instinct was clean immidatley and cold shower.

Now here’s my main post. This is the most important thing. My life IMMEDIATELY went to hell for DAYS. It was endless spiritual warfare, health problems, job problems, people problems, financial problems, energy problems. Basically everything i did effortlessly took 10x the work.

So many missed opportunities too: there’s a woman that always gives me hours. I LOVE working because of course it keeps me flowing. However, her attitude changed towards me. She used to look at me with happiness and was always willing to help me and give me hours. Instead she treated me like everyone else.

So everyone acted not only different but WORSE after this relapse. Everyone. They sense it. It didnt matter how kind or how much i tried to act like my retained self. They sensed my energy and acted accordingly.

I work im customer service. A guy who i was helping tried to steal my work phone.

So on retention, im dealing with people who are so kind towards me when i should be helping them. Literally giving me gifts. And medicine. And advice.

When i relapsed, people acted like they wanted to unalive me and would openly disrespect me right after i helped them.

I dont want to make a book so let me tell you the most heartbreaking incident of this. I went to this anime event with my friends and i couldnt even enjoy it. The saddest thing is i was looking forward to this alot. Used my personal time to attend. But i was so depleted, i didnt enjoy it at the capacity i knew i should have enjoyed it. This sounds weird but it’s what really got me.

There are alot of things i did not talk about. But i’ll just leave it at that and discuss it in the comments.

So because of all this i STARTED counting the days. Downloaded days since and im on day 8. The actual pain is why im never relapsing again. It literally looks like death after all that. Words cannot describe what i experienced. Off and on retention. Never release.