u/Techromanc3r

Wager 50, get 50 free spins @ 1.20 per spin for the sphinx sphinx coin boost

Hello

I (32m) have a partner (32f) and a 6 month old.

I was diagnosed with probable CholangioCarcinoma last year. I went through radiation and chemo while helping take care of our newborn. I received a liver transplant last month and have had complications. I had three surgeries in 13 days initially and was just discharged last week after having to stay for 2 weeks due to an infection. They put another drain in my side which seriously made me go backwards in mobility and was very painful for about 2 weeks.

While I normally live with my partner and daughter, I unfortunately am in the predicament of staying with my parents due to the following.

My partner (who is a physician assistant) has said for months she will be there for me and help when this all happens. Shortly before I got the call for the transplant, she was out of state visiting family with the baby. We had a bit of a disagreement before she left and no matter how much I tried to reconcile with her she was hot and cold for the entirety of their trip. She actually told me over the phone that she didn't want to help me after my transplant anymore.

Before I was discharged they had to go over all my medicines and what to watch for with the transplant. My mom was there as a family member or friend has to attend so they know someone is there to help you.

My mom signed the paper saying she received the instructions and would be helping take care of me because my partner was still out of state. She came back the night I was discharged so we went to the airport and picked them up and she still had an attitude and was extremely cold to me (because I was on pain medicine).

You see, for months she has been having extreme arguments with me because I've been hospitalized and been on pain meds for severe pain when my liver bile ducts were blocked on three separate occasions requiring hospitalization in the months leading up to the transplant.

Well a couple days after the transplant I had to go back in so they could open me back up and try to fix the tear that ended up occurring on one of the grafts. A couple days after that they realized it still wasn't working right so they opened me back up and did the connection a different way. Unfortunately the bile is still leaking into my abdomen which is what caused the infection I was just hospitalized for, and I need another liver transplant because the main hepatic artery is completely blocked by blood clots, causing the liver to start dying in certain areas.

After I was discharged following the third procedure, my partner came to pick me up. Things were looking a bit better up until this point, although there were a couple problem days with her while I was recovering as well.

Problem day 1 was when I was writing a letter to the family of the liver donor, and she decided to berate me for an hour and a half at 1:30 in the morning because I didn't tell her I was writing a thank you letter....

Problem day 2 was when she wanted to fight with me over text once again about the pain medicine, until I'm sitting there crying my eyes out asking her why she's doing this to me and if she can see what she is doing to me. My heart rate went over 170 bpm and the nurse had to come check to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack.

Before discharge she forced me to have the doctor change my pain medicine to something other than oxy because she would not stop arguing and fighting with me saying I was going to become an addict. I abused oxy almost 10 years ago and got clean and have never done it or thought of doing it in 10 years. It doesn't matter to her, every chance she got she was fighting me like I was an addict who stole her life savings when I was just trying to survive the pain. We spoke to the addiction team, palliative care team, multiple doctors, and therapists and 0 people considered me at any higher risk of becoming an addict than anyone else going through what I'm going through.

After discharge she immediately texted my mom demanding to know where the oxy was from my last hospital visit so she could dump it because all she cared about is the pain medicine and nothing else. My mom texted me to ask if she's supposed to give it up and I said yeah but not by my choice.

I was then berated and chewed out for an hour or two because I "sided with my mom" when I literally said throw the shit out just so I can avoid the crazy arguments and stress.

Well when we got home and I asked her if she would help me change my incisions dressing (had to be packed every day) she refused to help me because my mom signed the paper saying she attended the teaching about medications and would be helping. Since she refused to help me I've had to stay at my parents where they are actually helping me, at least until I'm recovered enough to be more self sufficient.

I gave my partner space the next couple of days because I frankly couldn't handle the stress of walking on egg shells and knowing a fight could happen at any given time depending on if she felt like it or not.

I live directly across from my parents and she could easily have came to visit with the baby, but she hates my parents and refused to bring the baby over at all.

In fact, I'm being told I abandoned them physically and emotionally because I needed to stay somewhere with people who were actually going to help me. The same thing happened now after being in the hospital 2 more weeks except this time I told her I didn't feel good enough to do anything the night I was discharged, to which she got an attitude and told me to stay over here the next two days then.

Two days later and I'm able to walk a bit more and the pain is lessened so I'm able to go over and visit my daughter and her. She said oh I have a friend coming over tonight too. Great, I didn't mind at all make friends that's great.

Well it turns out she actually went out on a date with a guy and brought him back to my house. I went over at 12 pm wondering why all the lights were off but a car was there still and she's sitting there on the couch next to this random guy. Her rationale is that I abandoned them and she's going to have her needs met one way or another.

I've been begging her for a week and a half to be reasonable and understand my predicament and let us move on now that I'm feeling better and can stay there again. She is completely unreceptive to anything and actually went out on another date last night with another random guy who she then brought back to the house. They went out for Cinco de mayo, drank, and drove my daughter back here which obviously pissed me off pretty badly.

I went over at midnight wondering once again why there is a car there and all the lights are off and she actually bought a door brace bar and was using it to try to keep me out of my own place, where I pay for everything and have the entire relationship because she hasn't been working.

She actually took the bottle of lube out of the cupboard and put it in the living room also, and when I asked her why that is out here as it wasn't before she says that she put it there just to fuck with my head because she knew I was going to come over...

Fast forward to today and I'm over there visiting and playing with the baby letting my partner sleep. When she wakes up a little I let her know I needed to eat and take my medicine and change my bandages. She asked what I was going to eat and I said pot roast, I can bring you a bowl if you want.

Now I am being told that I only care about myself because I only asked her if she wanted food after she asked me what I was going to eat. She fought me for four hours today because she felt I slighted her, ending with her telling me she's going to have random people pick her and our daughter up and take them to other places so she can get "help" with the baby, even though she has always had help right here across the street. She refuses to allow my family to help though because she hates them and has for months.

I am just struggling to understand if I'm the asshole here or what. I busted my ass working full time all through this to support her and the baby, I did overnights and helped with the baby as much as I could even through chemo and radiation, and I've just done everything I can to make her life easier while we go through this, just to be abandoned when it mattered. I was forced to go somewhere they actually were going to help me (my parents) just to be told I abandoned them because I didn't stay over there immediately upon being discharged. Am I the asshole here or am I just someone who is doing as much as I can to survive to be there for my daughter, only to be told I am the problem and I am a terrible person?

She was asleep and wanted to sleep, and when she slightly woke up I let her know I was going to eat some food and do a couple of other things I needed to do.

She asked what I was going to eat and I said pot roast, potatoes, and carrots. I said I can bring you some if you'd like.

Now I have been berated for two hours because I didn't offer her food unprompted? She is claiming since she asked what I was going to eat that she prompted me to ask her if she wanted any. I don't agree because asking someone what they are going to eat is totally normal and if they offer you some after that's also totally normal from where I stand at least.

AITAH for offering her food just not fast enough?