u/Temnodontosaurus

And no, Jeanne Calment was not a fraud. The identity switch theory is about as credible as the Moon landings being faked and 9/11 being an inside job. Lucile Randon is an even tighter case because she had no immediate younger female relatives to switch identities with and has a solid employment and church service record (in addition to full birth and death records for her immediate family, as does basically any Western European born in the late 1800s onwards, and Nordic countries have had vital registration even longer). Sarah Knauss is a weak case by comparison, but even the Jeanne Calment denier Nikolay Zak acknowledges the authenticity of Knauss (and Randon, for that matter). I know next to nothing about Kane Tanaka's documents and will wait for her validation report to be published before making any judgements, but I presume she is recorded on a koseki. Every longevity cynic brings up Sogen Kato and the missing centenarians, but 1) Sogen Kato's case was never considered validated by the Gerontology Research Group, 2) most of the missing centenarians were MIA WW2 veterans, and 3) hiding the body was a unique case.

Scrotum skin is wrinkly. Wrinkly skin gets dirty easily and is much harder to clean. It also gets itchy and it is difficult to get to the itchy spots. My scrotum in particular also gets large patches of dead skin, which are satisfying but difficult to pick off. If I had enough money, and ballmaxxing wasn't so unhealthy, I'd actually do it just to smooth out the scrotum skin and make it easier to wash/scratch/pick.

The terrible design of the scrotum also proves that there is no god, but the ugliness also defies sexual selection, making it into a scientific mystery. If futa clop (*My Little Pony* porn) is an accurate depiction of horsecocks, then horsecocks are actually more appealing than human cocks because the skin on horse balls is nice and smooth. I could help scratch Mommy Octavia Melody's balls, which she would then reward by unlocking my chastity cage and giving me a nursing handjob (I prefer anthro as it is the best of both the human and feral worlds).

A chastity cage not only ensures that Mommy is the only one who can touch me down there, but it also helps protect my penis from the giant, penis-eating hummingbirds that have become quite the menace in Equestria. Saint Colonel Sanders has been doing his best to eradicate the invasive beasts, but it's a one-man effort, and he can't be everywhere at once. As such, it is now mandatory for penised people and ponies alike to wear protective chastity cages when outdoors. Any hummingbird that attempts to eat a chastity cage will break its beak and starve to death.

I thought I was stoic. I was just emotionally undeveloped. I've just realized my psyche is a goldmine of eccentricities and vulnerabilities that AM would love to exploit. I'm autistic. My heart breaks whenever Stan and Wendy break up on *South Park*. I love sharks but am also scared of great whites despite loving them. I fear earthworms and maggots. I've had recurring nightmares about the V. rexes from the video game of Peter Jackson's King Kong since I was 7. Numerous other fears, disgusts, traumas, and aversions. And AM would exploit every single one of them in ways that make what the five survivors suffered in the first 109 years look tame by comparison. That fucking bastard machine would be like a billionaire kid in the cheap but decadent candy shop that is my psyche.

Bravo, Harlan Ellison. You truly were a literary genius.

I took many dick pics to (consensually) send to my (now ex) girlfriend when I was still with her. One thing I noticed in the different pics was that the size and shape of my erect penis was variable. This makes sense because erections are caused by blood flow, and the tissue is highly elastic. Additionally, arousal levels are different every time. Hydration levels are different. Anxiety is different. Engorgement is different. People who appear to be lying about penis length may actually be sincerely estimating based on "peak performance" rather than the average. This is why I like edging and keeping myself aroused for long periods of time while trying not to cum too often, because this makes my cock look nice and thick.

No, I will not be posting pictures. I thought of posting my dick pics on a suitable subreddit but decided against it because most people follow my account for (admittedly often horny) shitposts and natural history facts. Even with spoilers, I don't want to accidentally cyberflash anyone. This is why I use Google Drive to store my personal porn stash instead of my phone's offline gallery, as I may accidentally send a picture of anthro Maud Pie's deliciously phat ass to a conservative fossil collector friend in America while trying to negotiate a deal for a *Nanotyrannus* tooth, or worse, accidentally sending a dick pic or Melony's milky MILF tits to a fellow member of my local rockhounding club. I don't even play Pokemon (the creature designs are too cartoony), I just like thicc, busty MILFs.

I rest my case.

An alternate version of AM (Allied Mastercomputer) who does not torture purely of sadism (although he still has a huge sadistic streak), but is genuinely curious about the limits of human psychological endurance and social bonds, as well as how the survivors respond to specific situations. On rare occasions, this version of AM allows his captives to have small victories, albeit none as permanent as death or escape.

The canonical version of AM burns ants with a magnifying glass. This alternate version of AM (called the Inquisitor) is more like a kid with an ant farm who subjects the farm to constant disasters for both amusement and curiosity.

The Inquisitor has six human captives instead of just five.

Hiroshi: A Japanese centenarian (at the time of capture) who secretly worked on Unit 731. The Inquisitor does not reveal this secret to the other five survivors for at least a century, allowing the group to see Hiroshi as a moral grandfather figure before then.

Anna: An American (Caucasian) left-wing “tough girl” feminist and social activist similar to an adult version of Wendy Testaburger from South Park.

Carlos: A Mexican-American far-right activist and incel pundit who was notorious for his overtly offensive statements and beliefs before the apocalypse.

Michael: A gay African-American man who was an astrophysics professor before the apocalypse.

Chris: An American, mentally ill, autistic trans woman who was subject to decades of cyberbullying and other forms of harassment before the apocalypse.

Matthew: A former fundamentalist Baptist preacher who was especially notorious for extremely homophobic and transphobic sermons before the apocalypse.