u/TheFattestWaterLeak

33 F.

Even after years, spending time talking to people in social settings, I feel incredibly awful afterwards. I like to genuinely chat and listen back to them, but am left feeling ashamed, embarrassed and with the unshakable feeling that I should just fall off the face of the earth.

Even talking to and making connections with people of same interests doesn’t help either.

I just shouldn’t be here, I have no place here, that it’d be better if I just vanished.

Sounds horrible to say, but I wish someone would make me a missing person.

Just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

Because I now convinced something is fundamentally wrong with me. I should just stay away from everyone. I wish nobody knew me.

33 F.

Even after years, spending time talking to people in social settings, I feel incredibly awful afterwards. I like to genuinely chat and listen back to them, but am left feeling ashamed, embarrassed and with the unshakable feeling that I should just fall off the face of the earth.

Even talking to and making connections with people of same interests doesn’t help either.

I just shouldn’t be here, I have no place here, that it’d be better if I just vanished.

Sounds horrible to say, but I wish someone would make me a missing person.

I have PTSD and possibly also autism (pending diagnosis), but just wondering if anyone else feels like this.

Because I now convinced something is fundamentally wrong with me. I should just stay away from everyone. I wish nobody knew me.

**I want to preface by stating that I have professional medical help and am using it.**

However I’m looking for any advice or tips from a writers’ perspective on how to keep up a writing habit when going through “difficult times.” I want to continue to work on my craft and build some specs as a portfolio, but am really struggling with the lack of creative and mental energy due to depression.

Any advice or recommendations on regular writers groups in the Sydney area? Where screenwriters meet up to share feedback on each other’s projects and just general networking.

The AWG has events but not regularly, and it would be nice to be around more experienced writers generally.

For context, I have had supernatural experiences in the past, and the clairs are experienced a lot in the maternal lines in my family.

I am learning to start being open to it and taking it seriously again, on my own terms, because my estranged mother was clairvoyant and brought all sorts of negative energy back home when “ghost hunting.” She’s narcissistic and has a lot of unresolved issues. So living with her into my twenties was stressful and traumatic.

Am currently reading books and trying to listen to my intuition to learn more about developing the clairs and possibly mediumship. Also Neophyte witch.

So, lately I’ve felt drawn to a particular known spirit in a renowned haunted location that does tours. I went there many years ago but had a bad experience on a second tour (neither to do with spirit in question), but I’m not sure if it was because I was with my mum and was also going through my own trauma. I’ve since taken care of my physical and mental needs so I’m healing and more mature now.

So anyway I can’t stop thinking about him, learning about past experiences concerning him. It’s like a weird magnetic pull with curiosity and weariness (of course).

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Is this possibly the spirit trying to contact me? I’m trying to focus on grounding myself but could do with some others’ wisdom and support.

Blessed be. 🖤