u/TheNamelessComposer

Just wondering if anyone has a story where, say you liked an AM or WF and they said they weren't into WF/AM, or its something you inferred, or they just weren't initially into you, but over time a romantic relationship developed? Like if someone say doesn't generally find x ethnicity attractive, how often do they find themselves eventually taking for a specific individual they have a real spark with, if you know what I'm saying.

Firstly, in wider society, and secondly in the AMWF community.

Hope I don't offend anyone here, but I've been a bit self conscious about my eyes (they're kind of small 'laterally', and a bit small vertically, but with glasses I fear they come across as a bit beady). I don't like wearing contacts and can't afford laser. My family have mostly larger eyes (Singaporean Malaysian of mostly Southern Chinese descent). Anyway, I think my internalised racism makes it hard for me to feel attractive in public, or very self conscious, which probably translates to not appearing as confident. I can grow a full beard, have defined features though, and get told in Asia Im quite handsome. I know it sounds silly and shallow, and I'm getting to an age where it doesn't matter so much, but I wonder of Asians who look TOO different from the Caucasian standard find it harder, in the general dating market. Like it makes sense, right?

I know in the amwf community some even prefer that, which again my internalised self hate can find hard to imagine. It's a sort of colonial mindset, which is quite sad. Even in Asia you have men and women getting surgery to look less Asian or more European.

But I wonder if a bit more Caucasian or mixed looking Asians here have had better luck, or do they just ID you as Asian and put a wall up anyway?

Of course I get why that isn't the case. The physical is inseparation from other other negative ascribed qualities, and there's years of negative conditioning, but..

People say Asian women are so fetishised, and they are to a degree, but in the US, Aus etc, the vast majority of idealised figures - celebs, models etc - are still Caucasian. In the US you maybe had a few more Latinos, lighter skinned black people, but overall. Yes you had the odd Lucy Liu (whose appeal I don't get, I can think of far more attractive Asian female celebs), but its like most Americans of ANY race, male or female, didnt grow up looking up to representations of Asian beauty.

So if we're just talking the US etc, if there's say, a Chinese American man who's pretty much American culturally, attractive, a good person, successful, interesting etc, why is he at a greater disadvantage than the equivalent woman?

I think obviously there's the stereotypes, but the big factor is simply men have fewer options, so you'll have more men being less picky. I suppose the outlier is black women, but a lot of black women themselves don't date white for a number of reasons.

I've been to Hawaii, and might just for a holiday, so this question is more out ot curiosity.

Since Hawaii is majority Asian descent by population, what is the general situation with interracial dating, especially AMWF? Do most stick with their ethnicity, or is there a lot of mixing? I would assume Caucasian Hawaiians would be more open to dating Asians due to both acclimatisation and options. Would that be correct? Anyone with any experience? I do know a lot of Hawaiians are 'mixed.'

Also I'd say if I had to put a rough % on it: 60% I feel more stressed, anxious, depressed, maybe 30% neutral, and 10% truly happy (or less) - usually when engaged in an absorbing activity, hanging with friends, good conversation, a good meal etc. Thats an average say. I do have mild ASD, ADHD, GAD, OCD, so I feel a lot of these negative ruminations/obsessions are playing in my head in the background most of the time, as well as my usual anxieties. Sometimes I feel my brain has been marinating in anxiety for so long there's no hope. My environment (living alone, unemployed and struggling to find work, 40 and single and experiencing existential angst) isn't helping.

Anyone else? Anyone been through similar and got out of it? Thanks for any feedback

I'm 40 and this started in my early 20s. Periodically - sometimes more often than others - the stress and anxiety (even something mild, like stress over everyday tasks) will give me a headache, nausea, upset stomach, and I'll feel kind of feverish (even if I don't have a fever), sometimes lasting for days. I'll typically just lie in bed and sleep when I can. I can't do anything. Sometimes I will physically vomit from it. It often starts as this sore feeling in my sinus, which I think is related to an OCD throat thing I have. I've noticed it often flares up after talking a lot, but it seems a mix of physical and mental.

I've noticed it usually happens randomly when I wake up, maybe cortisol? I feel its taking over my life, and makes it hard to keep a regular job or do other things (I'm unemployed atm too). Anyone else relate? I've been diagnosed with GAD, OCD, am mildly on the autism spectrum, pretty sure would qualify as ADHD, and of course HSP. Just feel my nervous system is too sensitive for life and the stresses it brings, and sometimes I feel the pain is too much to go on living. I was taking anti depressants for 10 years, but they had many side effects. Ive been taking Paxam for over a decade, and im a bit worried about the side effects of that too. When I get in this state I just take painkillers and benzos.

I feel living alone and being unemployed isn't good for my mental health, though I do have my own creative projects, socialise with friends etc, but it feels I'm constantly anxious, worrying, stressing, depressed etc, and my brain has been marinating in negativity so long it's too hard to reprogram it. Maybe thinking that just prolongs the vicious cycle. What has worked for you all?

I can be nodding off in front of the telly with the lights and noise on, but the moment I go to bed and turn the lights on, its like the lack of stimulation/distraction makes my mind really active, and I find it hard to relax and fall asleep. I've tried relaxing music but it doesn't make much of a difference. Anyone else relate?

I think I'm going to just give myself an hour without screens before bed, reading etc, but bad habits. I find that helps.

Yes, I'm calling it soccer cos I'm Australian.

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I think like many Aussies I mostly pay attention during the World Cup, especially when the Socceroos (or Matildas) are playing. And more for patriotism, even if I'm not very patriotic outside of sports. I do have a vague knowledge of the history of the WC, European leagues, the best current and past players, but can't say I have a team I follow or watch regularly. Might occasionally watch highlights.

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But all in all being from WA and living in Vic Aussie rules has always been no 1 for me. Likewise I have a pretty vague knowledge/interest in rugby league or union, but can get into big matches.

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I'm pretty ignorant about world soccer/football in general (I'm Australian and mostly follow AFL, if anyone knows it), but I'm wondering: there are so many Middle Eastern countries, even like Jordan, along with other small nations like Cape Verde, Curacao, yet so few from Asia. I have heard Asia is a tough group, but it seems the only East/Southeast/South Asian nations that qualify are Japan and Korea, and Australia and sometimes NZ as they're technically part of the Asia federation.

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Are other Asian nations just not good enough? Why are Middle Eastern or West Asian countries better? If so, why? More ties to Europe? Obviously China and India have never played, but you'd think if they were serious they could put together a squad, with so much potential talent. I know cricket is king in India, but there is enough of a slice of that 1.5 billion that are football mad. China tried hard to develop the game but its not translating into even qualifying. Would like to see Indonesia there too, being a nation of over 200 million where football is dominant.

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I guess its also to do with qualification group...but its a shame most of Asia isnt really represented in the 'World Game' even if its the most popular sport through most of Asia.

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I was with Matchworks/GenU now and they at least got me some jobs, even if some weren't very good. Then they transferred me to Brotherhood of St Laurence, which didn't even get me an interview, then Uniting, where again I didn't even get an interview. Half the time the person was sick or rescheduled, and every appointment felt like just updating my resume or job plan. They said they had this or that job but I never even met any employers. My job person left.

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Then I went to AMES, and they were just super incompetent. Like the woman was like 'ive got some jobs, ill contact them' - next appointment, oh I forgot to contact them. Then the job coordinator bloke also leaves.

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Third one was AMES...I tell them about my experiences, they give me the spiel about how they're so different...again, half the time the appointment is rescheduled cos the person is sick, he doesn't reschedule appointments, doesnt get back to me when he says, and leaves...the THIRD person who's left.

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Got a new person there, and first appointment they have to rescheduled due to sickness. I swear 3 out of 4 times they reschedule. I suppose this is normal? I have them a piece of my mind (politely and sternly) and told them I was done, I wanted a transfer, then they said someone else could see me.

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Still it seems pointless going anywhere else. Maybe I should go back to GenU? Anyone actually know of a decent place that'll help get you a job? I'm 40 and been unemployed for 2 years with little work experience due to major mental health challenges.

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Thanks, any help appreciated.

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I was with Matchworks/GenU now and they at least got me some jobs, even if some weren't very good. Then they transferred me to Brotherhood of St Laurence, which didn't even get me an interview, then Uniting, where again I didn't even get an interview. Half the time the person was sick or rescheduled, and every appointment felt like just updating my resume or job plan. They said they had this or that job but I never even met any employers. My job person left.

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Then I went to AMES, and they were just super incompetent. Like the woman was like 'ive got some jobs, ill contact them' - next appointment, oh I forgot to contact them. Then the job coordinator bloke also leaves.

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Third one was AMES...I tell them about my experiences, they give me the spiel about how they're so different...again, half the time the appointment is rescheduled cos the person is sick, he doesn't reschedule appointments, doesnt get back to me when he says, and leaves...the THIRD person who's left.

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Got a new person there, and first appointment they have to rescheduled due to sickness. I swear 3 out of 4 times they reschedule. I suppose this is normal? I have them a piece of my mind (politely and sternly) and told them I was done, I wanted a transfer, then they said someone else could see me.

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Still it seems pointless going anywhere else. Maybe I should go back to GenU? Anyone actually know of a decent place that'll help get you a job? I'm 40 and been unemployed for 2 years with little work experience due to major mental health challenges.

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Thanks, any help appreciated.

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I probably get a bit carried away at times: whether watching at home on tv, the pub, or live. Yelling, swearing, and what not. Passion is good but could probably tone it down a bit. Watching us (especially in recent times) has certainly caused a lot of stress, though some joy. I'll even get like that for another team other than my own if I want them to win.

This is mostly my experience, others may have others, but I've been to a few events, and something about it makes me uncomfortable and a bit depressed.

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At the events I went to the men were mostly Asian - south and east/southeast, many recent arrivals to Melbourne/Australia but many locals of Asian descent. The women were more mixed, but definitely a lot fewer Asians. They're held at bars/pubs, and you get 5-10mins to talk to about 15 people of the opposite sex average.

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Pre the dating phase it just seems the sexes mostly self segregate, and I didn't really get the vibe many of the women there were that open. I spoke to a few guys and they said they commonly get zero or 1 or 2 matches, who often ghost them.

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Anyway, the conversations were generally good, but in 3 attempts I got a couple of matches. As in, you decide who youre interested in and the organisers give you their details. One was more a friend, another acted really weirdly and another ghosted me.

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The main reason I find it depressing, however, is the dynamics at these events. Not just saying but these social events. Increasingly, they're dominated by Indian and other Asian men, and I feel in the eyes of many of the women, we've become less desirable. I've heard from some of the women they just do it for fun, many without any intention to even really date, which does annoy me a bit, cos for many of the fellas they feel its a last resort. No one is entitled to a date or anything, but it's just the asymmetrical power dynamics between Asian men and the mostly white Australian women that makes me uncomfortable.

I'm 40, and just being in the crowds in the city, or a restaurant or bar where they play loud music, is more overwhelming and unpleasant than it used to be. I generally didn't have that much of an issue with sensory stimuli, but feeling it more. Exceptions might be music concerts, sports games or specific events I'm interested in.

Not exactly sure why, but I kind of feel less interested in socialising/meeting new people too, so that could play a role.

Anyone else?