u/Thegreatestalpha

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice or perspectives to help support my best friend.

For the past 10 years, he has been living with HIV and HSV-2. Because he is also a kidney transplant recipient, his medication regimen is highly complex; due to interactions with his HIV antivirals and anti-rejection meds, he is unable to take standard suppressive antiviral medication for HSV-2.

He’s finally ready to put himself back out there, and I’ve been encouraging him to start dating. However, navigating the disclosure conversation has been incredibly tough on him:

Recently, he started seeing a guy, but after that guy spoke with his own doctor, the doctor advised him that "the only way to remain safe is total abstinence." Needless to say, that ended things.

In another instance, he disclosed his status early on, and the guy immediately ghosted him.

It’s really taking a toll on his confidence. He wants to be honest and responsible, but the rejection and medical misinformation are making him want to pull back entirely.

Does anyone here have experience navigating dating with multiple statuses, or advice on how he can approach these difficult conversations? Are there specific communities, dating strategies, or ways to frame disclosure that might help him find understanding partners?

Thank you in advance for any insight.

So my avoidant ex reached out to me out of nowhere after 2 years of no contact. The only “trigger” I can think of is that I recently saw his best friend at brunch.

He asked me to call him, and we ended up talking for about 2 hours. During the conversation, we revisited our relationship—and honestly, it felt like he completely rewrote history. There was zero accountability on his part, which was frustrating but not surprising.

For context, I’m now in a healthy relationship with a secure partner. I didn’t mention that right away, but toward the end of the call I told him.

That’s when things got… interesting.

All of a sudden, he casually mentions that he’s also in a long-distance relationship with a medical doctor who is “always available” to him whenever he needs him. The timing felt very convenient, and if I’m being honest, I don’t believe it.

It came off like a reaction—almost like he realized he couldn’t pull me back in, so he needed to “level the playing field” or protect his ego.

Has anyone else experienced something like this with an avoidant ex? Do they sometimes fabricate or exaggerate new relationships once they realize you’ve moved on?