u/Thick_Lemon8021

Fairly new relationship and genuinely, I can see my spending my life with this man. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but our relationship is more like hanging out with a best friend rather than a boyfriend.

Mostly because our sex life is terrible and it’s a newer relationship. Ive had a couple conversations with him about how I feel unwanted, insecure, etc. and he finally told me he had a problem after I found his toy he was using rather than having sex with me.

I don’t want to give up on this, I want to make it work but speaking transparently, I think about other men all the time because we never have sex and if we do, I initiate it and he doesn’t cum.

How do I support him while protecting and improving our relationship as lovers?

The relationship is somewhat new, 6 months officially and he finally opened up on why our intimacy and sex life is terrible.

He’s an addict and I am being supportive, it’s taking a toll on my self confidence and genuinely, I need sex in a relationship.

Has anyone came out of their addiction? He said he doesn’t need professional help and wants to get better but he’s just not romantically or sexually into me at all and not sure if he can do anything to fix that.

I am a 31 F and my 29M boyfriend, when we were in our talking phase we started talking sexual because I was out of town for an extended period. To be honest, when I met him, I wasn’t super interested because he was a little too shy for me and I’m very outgoing.

So I get back in town and we had a lot of built up sexual frustration, so I was so excited to see him and go on a date again. We went on a date, afterwards kissed and made out but nothing happened beyond that… so, we started hanging out a lot more and everytime we would try and have sex, I always initiated, I almost always got him “warmed up” and he didn’t, not once. I figured maybe he’s still talking to other people, I wasn’t really sure but we were official so I didn’t bring it up.

Fast forward and now we’re officially together BUT same thing as before, I’m always initiating, always warming him up and he cannot finish. I finally talked to him, he admitted that he feels a lot of pressure and gets in his head too much. So I stopped initiating and stopped bringing it up. I was out of town for an extended period of time (again) and last week while taking his trash out he had multiple condoms in his bathroom trash, something we don’t use.

I immediately woke him up to ask, he said he uses them for his doll. Something I had NO idea about. So, overall he would rather self please or have sex with a doll and according to him, it makes such a mess, he has to use a condom. So not only is not having sex or finishing with me- he is with a doll. He admitted he has a problem and what I am assuming an addiction to masterbating.

I shouldn’t take it personal but I am and it deeply hurts me and honestly makes me pretty insecure. I’m taking space from him now to decide whether I can have a long term relationship where my boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me. I have no one to talk to cuz I’m too embarrassed to admit this to my friends and need some help talking about it.

Anyone else go through something like this?