u/ThrowRAFlat_Bid_1682

My gf and I were together for 3 years and lived together for 2. We are from different countries and spent the first half of our relationship living in her country, then the second trying to live abroad. The last year abroad was really difficult and she struggled with the isolation and became really dependant on me financially and emotionally, which she grew to resent. 2 months ago we decided it would be best for her to move home and get her life back on track, and that I would join her eventually after saving more money and letting her settle.

Things didn't work out long-distance and we broke up recently. She admitted she felt immediately better being home. That she realised how much she had lost herself, that she had felt stressed and depressed everyday and needed space to work on herself. We tried to work on things but it was really difficult long-distance. After a month of going in circles we broke up.

I really care about her and she even said that she still loved me and didn't want to be with anyone else, but needed space to work on herself and felt like she couldn't do that while also focusing on the relationship. I do think it is best that we take some space for a bit and restabalise our lives. I would be lying though if I said that I didn't have hope that if I move out in 5 months like I had planned, we could try to get back together. I need to take some time to figure out if it's what I want but I am also worried that 5 months may be too long to wait.

My girlfiend and I just broke up. We lived together for two years and things were great, we got on really well, were very close and I never had any doubts. But a year ago we tried living abroad (moving from Australia to Spain) to try something new and start a new life. Things went really badly (financial issus, visa problems, never really feeling settled) and three months ago we agreed she should move home because she was so burnt out, depressed and isolated being so far away from home. She also really struggled to find work as she didn't speak the language. I was planning to move back to join her in 6 months but wanted to stay in my job longer and save money and gain more experience before the move.

A month after returning home she immediately felt better, settled and less stressed. She found a job quickly and reconnected with friends. She admitted to me that she felt like she lost herself being with me abroad as she was really dependant on me, and that she was worried that it would happend again if I moved over. She said she still loved me and didn't want to be with anyone else but that she didn't have the energy to both rebuild herself and work on the relationship. We had a lot of difficult conversations that couldn't be resolved and I agreed to fly out to see her next month. Soon after she admitted she was really worried about it going badly and that she was worried it wouldn't feel right after a few days then I'd basically just be staying with her in a bad dynamic for two weeks, so she broke up with me.

We talked a few days later and I admitted I was still thinking of coming out as I have been excited to move there for months and feel like it would be something I still want to do. I would like to use the trip to check out the city and see if I could see myself living there. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that seeing each other in person might mend things. She was understandably cold and said that if I come out it should be for me, that I couldn't stay with her but she'd also still see me for a day and maybe we could hash some things out.

That conversation was two weeks ago and the trip would be two weeks from now. I am really on the fence about going out. I am worried that it is way to soon and the breakup is too fresh for anything constructive to happen. But at the same time I would really like to have tried everything and am worried that if I don't go I will be closing the door forever and giving up. Another option is just to stick to my original plan and go out in 6 months, but by then I am worried it would be too late and she would have moved on.

tl;dr My long-distance partner broke up with me right before a planned trip to come see her that triggered a lot of stress after a bad year living abroad. I am still considering flying out to check out the city and if I do she agreed to see me. Do you think it would be an awful decision to fly out this soon after the breakup?

I am considering applying for a PhD in Australia in the field of Artificial Intelligence. There are loads of really interesting projects that I have found but I'm worried about my chances of actually getting funding as a non-resident.

I have a masters degree from King's College London for wich I got the highest possible mark and conducted a research project. I've also worked for 4 years as a Data Scientist which includes a 4 month stint for an Australian start-up while on a working holiday visa. I would think this would make me a good candidate, but I'm not sure how competitive funding is for international student.

My gf and I tried to move abroad together 1 year ago for my job and it failed miserably. She really struggled and since arriving it was like a switch for out relationship. We have had so many set backs and she decided she couldn't handle it anymore and moved home. The plan was that I would see out my job for another 6 months then move back to join her.

However, after just one month of long distance she has admitted that she is very nervous about me coming to join her. She loves me and wants it to work, but for the first time in a year she is settled and not stressed every day. She is worried that I will come and put her back in the mindset we were in here. I would also need to get a visa through her which I think is triggering trauma because of how awful the experiece was here for her. After a really tough few weeks of going around in circles having difficult unresolved conversations, we decided to try couples therapy.

I thought this gave a bit of a timeline to get things back on track but the day before our first session she admited that she felt like she has nothing left to give to work on things, that she was mostly doing it for me because she loves me, and that she feels guilty about how unsure she is. She actually broke up with me but then a minute later said she was unsure and would give therapy a chance. I also agreed to come visit her in a month which made her feel better working on things before then.

We have agreed to take some space, check-in once per week and continue with therapy. She thought the first session went well and agreed to do more, but with things unchanged between us outside of therapy I can't help but worry.

I am very anxious. I feel like I am now single handledly holding the relationship together. I am OK with giving her space after what was a really stressful time for her, but I am also now starting to feel really burnt out with carrying the relationship and constantly worrying if every time we talk she will end things. Outside of therapy I'm not really getting much from her. She is colder when we speak which I struggle with because for our entire relationship she was always very affectionate. I don't know if I should try to communicate that this isn't working for me and I need to see at least some more effort from her, or try to hold in, give her the space and let therapy do its job for a month, then go out to see her.

I am very worried about the trip now as it is a 25 hour flight. Needless to say if things don't go well the return trip will be a very grim experience.

tldr: After a really difficult year abroad that strained our relationship, my girlfriend moved back home and we went long distance. Now, just a month in, she says she feels drained, has “nothing left to give,” and is unsure about seeing a future together. We nearly broke up but decided to give couples therapy a chance. We’re doing therapy and giving each other space, but outside of sessions she’s distant and I feel like I’m the only one holding things together. I’m anxious, burnt out, and unsure whether to keep giving her space and follow through with visiting her in a month, or speak up and say this situation isn’t sustainable for me if I don't see some changes soon.

My gf and I tried to move abroad together 1 year ago for my job and it failed miserably. She really struggled and since arriving it was like a switch for out relationship. We have had so many set backs and she decided she couldn't handle it anymore and moved home. The plan was that I would see out my job for another 6 months then move back to join her.

However, after just one month of long distance she has admitted that she is very nervous about me coming to join her. She loves me and wants it to work, but for the first time in a year she is settled and not stressed every day. She is worried that I will come and put her back in the mindset we were in here. I would also need to get a visa through her which I think is triggering trauma because of how awful the experiece was here for her. After a really tough few weeks of going around in circles having difficult unresolved conversations, we decided to try couples therapy.

I thought this gave a bit of a timeline to get things back on track but the day before our first session she admited that she felt like she has nothing left to give to work on things, that she was mostly doing it for me because she loves me, and that she feels guilty about how unsure she is. She actually broke up with me but then a minute later said she was unsure and would give therapy a chance. I also agreed to come visit her in a month which made her feel better working on things before then.

We have agreed to take some space, check-in once per week and continue with therapy. She thought the first session went well and agreed to do more, but with things unchanged between us outside of therapy I can't help but worry.

I am very anxious. I feel like I am now single handledly holding the relationship together. I am OK with giving her space after what was a really stressful time for her, but I am also now starting to feel really burnt out with carrying the relationship and constantly worrying if every time we talk she will end things. Outside of therapy I'm not really getting much from her. She is colder when we speak which I struggle with because for our entire relationship she was always very affectionate. I don't know if I should try to communicate that this isn't working for me and I need to see at least some more effort from her, or try to hold in, give her the space and let therapy do its job for a month, then go out to see her.

I am very worried about the trip now as it is a 25 hour flight. Needless to say if things don't go well the return trip will be a very grim experience.

tldr: After a really difficult year abroad that strained our relationship, my girlfriend moved back home and we went long distance. Now, just a month in, she says she feels drained, has “nothing left to give,” and is unsure about seeing a future together. We nearly broke up but decided to give couples therapy a chance. We’re doing therapy and giving each other space, but outside of sessions she’s distant and I feel like I’m the only one holding things together. I’m anxious, burnt out, and unsure whether to keep giving her space and follow through with visiting her in a month, or speak up and say this situation isn’t sustainable for me if I don't see some changes soon.