u/ThrowRAsbed

First relationship. 25f 26m, need opinions and advice

I just need some opinions on if this is okay to be upset over.

So me and my boyfriend see each other 3 days a week (his plan). The days together are every 3 days I stay at his family home for 3 nights a week. Most of the time they land on evenings and we both work full time so we don't really do much apart from cook dinner and go to bed. But when the days we are together land on a Weekend I feel like im not important.

For context I have never once told him not to see him friends, he goes out with them most weekends which is fine, but im left in his bedroom on my own as it is a boys only thing. This has been like this for years now and even after work too when we are together so hes late picking me up etc.

I said to him the other week let's make a plan to do stuff together which is going out and doing things, he agreed. We both had a day off work which was rare for a weekday and I asked if we could go shopping together for his friends bbq the day after, he said yes. 10 mins later He got called into work for an hour and called me and said that the boys was going to golf and he would really like to go, I said that we had our plans but if he'd rather go do golf thats fine but he could tell I was bummed. He kept saying 'id like to go I haven't been in 3 weeks', so I said well you've already made the choice of what you'd rather do otherwise you wouldn't be calling, so I said he can go if he wanted. he went to golf and I went and did our plans alone. He took me shopping the next day instead and then we went to his friends bbq in the afternoon. Ive made plans the next week again, I said let's go to breakfast. He agreed, then 2 days before he tells me that breakfast will have to be pushed back to the afternoon because hes going out with his friends fir his friends bday the night before and he will be hungover and will need more sleep. I got a bit upset and said I didn't mind the first time but I feel like im not a priority. He told me to fuck off and that I need to be more understanding and he said 'and you wonder why I don't want to do things with you'. I felt awful I didn't want him to feel like I was trying to control him. So this week ive said to him that maybe it will be a good idea if we had a planned day together a week. where its written off for other plans and its only a day for us, I said Friday and Saturday can do what he wants and that he doesn't have to see me, even if im at his im happy for him to go out and ill just chill in his room, as long as the Sunday we make a plan. He said to me 'but some of my mates want to go golf on Saturday and I have others who like to go on sundays and id go to both days'.

Am I being too much? im really trying to explain how I feel without coming across as controlling or being hard work.

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u/ThrowRAsbed — 5 hours ago

Just need some advice on if anyone knows if this is normal or what is it? im 26 for context

Been with my boyfriend 5 years, he told me about a year into the relationship he doesn't feel love or any other emotion, he said when he thinks of me or his family he doesn't feel love but he knows he just does. There's been a few times thats confused me, if I go to him with a concern about our relationship or if there's something that I feel upset about it'll straight away turn into an argument and hell shout and swear at me, says he can talk to me how he likes cause hes angry and if I tell him to please stop shouting hell say im making him more angry. Last time I went to him about something it ended in him getting angry to the point hes punched about 10 holes in the wall (for the first time).

There's times where hes threatened a break up 'im this close to breaking up with you right now' or 'if open that door were over'. Ive gone to sleep crying on numerous occasions and he just tells me to be quiet and/or that he doesn't care. I got a big job offer and wasn't sure if I was going to take it and he said to me 'well how do you expect us to move out on your measly wage? you clearly expect me to pay for everything'. Took the job and we went out for a friends celebration drinks for her passing her exams and I said to him 'maybe we could have a little drink for me and the new job, just me and you' and he said 'no this is about her not you'. Ive just been noticing things and ive been brushing them off and im not sure if I should be just ignoring them anymore. Out with his friends talking about how dogs are allowed on a golf course and hes look at me and said 'yeah thats why I bring her' and pointed at me. It took someone to stand up and say he was disrespectful for me to open my eyes to is it actually not right?

I wanted to sit with him on holiday and he told me 'you're not a child or a lost puppy', and instead of saying anything I sat on my own. Also a time I wanted a drink at my parents house, he took it out my hands told me I didnt need it but I could have it for lunch tomorrow at work, and he put the drink back. Says I look silly if I wear a certain lipstick, so I don't wear it. Am I overthinking this? I just keep thinking of the moments that are amazing its frying my brain

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u/ThrowRAsbed — 20 days ago

Just need some advice on if anyone knows if this is normal or what is it? im 26 for context

Been with my boyfriend 5 years, he told me about a year into the relationship he doesn't feel love or any other emotion, he said when he thinks of me or his family he doesn't feel love but he knows he just does. There's been a few times thats confused me, if I go to him with a concern about our relationship or if there's something that I feel upset about it'll straight away turn into an argument and hell shout and swear at me, says he can talk to me how he likes cause hes angry and if I tell him to please stop shouting hell say im making him more angry and that can be shouted at because im not a child.

Last time I went to him about something it ended in him getting angry to the point hes punched about 10 holes in the wall (for the first time). There's times where hes threatened a break up 'im this close to breaking up with you right now' or 'if open that door were over'. Ive gone to sleep crying on numerous occasions and he just tells me to be quiet and/or that he doesn't care. I got a big job offer and wasn't sure if I was going to take it and he said to me 'well how do you expect us to move out on your measly wage? you clearly expect me to pay for everything'. Took the job and we went out for a friends celebration drinks for her passing her exams and I said to him 'maybe we could have a little drink for me, just me and you' and he said 'no this is about her not you'. Ive just been noticing things and ive been brushing them off and im not sure if I should be just ignoring them anymore.

Out with his friends talking about how dogs are allowed on a golf course and hes look at me and said 'yeah thats why I bring her' and pointed at me. It took someone to stand up and say he was disrespectful for me to open my eyes to is it actually not right? I wanted to sit with him on holiday and he told me 'you're not a child or a lost puppy', and instead of saying anything I sat on my own. Also a time I wanted a drink at my parents house, he took it out my hands told me I didnt need it but I could have it for lunch tomorrow at work, and he put the drink back. Says I look silly if I wear a certain lipstick, so I don't wear it. Am I overthinking this? I just keep thinking of the moments that are amazing its frying my brain

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u/ThrowRAsbed — 20 days ago

My boyfriend goes on at least 2 lads holidays a year, somewhere hot for a week and city break for a few days. Hes done this for 5 years and im completely fine with it btw. This holiday he goes abroad hot for a week with the mostly single friends (apart from 1 who is in a ldr) , his friends who have girlfriends all stay home and don't go, usually they always go.

Everything fine, he comes home after a week and we go out the next weekend with all of his friends, the ones who did go on the holiday, and the ones who didnt. We are all sat there with the girlfriends included. His friend (one of them who didnt go but usually does) mentioned something at the table about a club they went into (he found out through the boys group chat). He was shut down pretty quick and I didnt think much of it until a couple days later where I was at his alone and decided to go on his computer to do some revision, like I usually do. His computer opened on the page it was last on from where he was using it. and a message in the boys group chat from my boyfriend saying 'yeah, *friends name* almost told *my name* about the club we were at, what an idiot.' I called him and asked when he got home if we could have a chat but since hes come home hes basically just been saying im being silly and won't give any information about what he was on about. Im not angry, just confused and a bit hurt hes keeping this to himself after mentioning that it was almost like a 'secret' that his friend brought it up infront of me. What are your thoughts? (I DO NOT THINK ANYTHING HAS HAPPENED, IM JUST UPSET HE HAS KEPT IT FROM ME)

Another scenario, don't know if im valid to be upset by. He went for a boys night out, I wasn't at his this day so I just like to know that he gets home okay. Goes on his night out as usual, and then decides to get a taxi with his friend back to his place to stay the night, which is obviously fine but he usually hates staying out when hes had a drink, it never happens. Hes texted me to say hes home so I go to sleep etc. a week later im at his and his mum mentioned in a conversation that he stayed out last weekend as his friends. He told me he was home so I was confused. In the same day I saw the above situations messages on the group chat, I also saw one from my boyfriend saying to his friend 'yeah I stayed at *friends name* the other night, he brought *random girls name* back to his and slept with her, she's not all that in person'. Im just upset he told me he was at home that night. Opinions? thank you

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u/ThrowRAsbed — 22 days ago

Hey guys, I need some advice. (Together 4.5 years)
I was upset at my boyfriend and just wanted to chat to him about something, he straight away started shouting and swearing and turns the whole thing around on me. I don’t like being shouted at so I got upset and told him don’t talk to me like that I’m your partner. He said he can talk to me how he wants because he’s angry. He told me to leave or he was going to drag me out the house by my ankles. It shocked me as I was in tears in the kitchen just wanting resolution, I know he wouldn’t never done it, it was just to scare me to leaving. Am I overthinking it? He has also threatened a break up during conflict to get me to leave. ‘I’m this close to breaking up with you right now if you don’t go’ but I also tried to leave to calm the situation at one point during another conflict and went to go for a walk. He stood at top of the stairs and said ‘if you open that door we’re over’. I’m confused. Thank you

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u/ThrowRAsbed — 23 days ago

Hey guys, I need some advice. (Together 4.5 years)
I was upset at my boyfriend and just wanted to chat to him about something, he straight away started shouting and swearing and turns the whole thing around on me. I don’t like being shouted at so I got upset and told him don’t talk to me like that I’m your partner. He said he can talk to me how he wants because he’s angry. He told me to leave or he was going to drag me out the house by my ankles. It shocked me as I was in tears in the kitchen just wanting resolution, I know he wouldn’t never done it, it was just to scare me to leaving. Am I overthinking it? He has also threatened a break up during conflict to get me to leave. ‘I’m this close to breaking up with you right now if you don’t go’ but I also tried to leave to calm the situation at one point during another conflict and went to go for a walk. He stood at top of the stairs and said ‘if you open that door we’re over’. I’m confused. Thank you

reddit.com
u/ThrowRAsbed — 23 days ago

Hey guys, I need some advice. (Together 4.5 years)
I was upset at my boyfriend and just wanted to chat to him about something, he straight away started shouting and swearing and turns the whole thing around on me. I don’t like being shouted at so I got upset and told him don’t talk to me like that I’m your partner. He said he can talk to me how he wants because he’s angry. He told me to leave or he was going to drag me out the house by my ankles. It shocked me as I was in tears in the kitchen just wanting resolution, I know he wouldn’t never done it, it was just to scare me to leaving. Am I overthinking it? He has also threatened a break up during conflict to get me to leave. ‘I’m this close to breaking up with you right now if you don’t go’ but I also tried to leave to calm the situation at one point during another conflict and went to go for a walk. He stood at top of the stairs and said ‘if you open that door we’re over’. I’m confused. Thank you

reddit.com
u/ThrowRAsbed — 23 days ago