u/Throwaway_213139

Hi all. I'm 22 and have had joint pain for a long time. It was brushed off as growing pain and then autism and then I got inner souls because one leg is slightly longer. But my hips still hurt. I went out to town with my partner and carried a heavy bag on my left side and nearly a week later my hip still aches.

They keep telling me maybe I should use a cane. But I have no diagnosis and no clue what's wrong. It's very unlikely to be eds before I get recommended that I'm extremely unflexible, not hypermobile and don't dislocate. But I'm scared my parents will judge me or say I spend too much time in bed (I'm getting looked at for chronic fatigue) but I know what triggered it.

Should I get one? Is it okay for me to have one? I can just push through it as it's just an ache, I just limp a little bit sometimes but it's fine as it happens a bit. I just want advice.

Hi all. I'm 22 and have had joint pain for a long time. It was brushed off as growing pain and then autism and then I got inner souls because one leg is slightly longer. But my hips still hurt. I went out to town with my partner and carried a heavy bag on my left side and nearly a week later my hip still aches.

They keep telling me maybe I should use a cane. But I have no diagnosis and no clue what's wrong. It's very unlikely to be eds before I get recommended that I'm extremely unflexible, not hypermobile and don't dislocate. But I'm scared my parents will judge me or say I spend too much time in bed (I'm getting looked at for chronic fatigue) but I know what triggered it.

Should I get one? Is it okay for me to have one? I can just push through it as it's just an ache, I just limp a little bit sometimes but it's fine as it happens a bit. I just want advice.

Hi all, my partner of nearly a year has EDS and I've been doing my best to learn all about the condition and how it affects them. But one thing I've always worried about is fussing too much or treating them like a baby. We're both autistic and one of the things they said they like about me is that I don't talk down to them like they don't understand or aren't capable and I want to continue this into how I support them.

I just know I can be a bit of a worrier and I always check if they need their cane before we go out and I ask how they're feeling every so often when we're out so I know if we need to take a break or go home. I just don't want to over care and be a nag.

I also struggle to know how to best support them when they're having a bad pain day. If I know they need space and quiet until the medication kicks in, I do my best to give them that (I really try hard to battle my urge of wanting to tell them random facts and things I think of as I'm a major yapper). But it upsets me to see them in pain because I care so much about them. It's not about my feelings I'm not living in it but I don't want that to cause me to become smothering when it's a bad day, but I just hate knowing they're in pain and I can do nothing about it.

One more thing is that accidents have happened and I feel terrible for getting emotional about it. They confessed once that the night before I'd hugged them so hard in my sleep, their shoulder dislocated. I felt terrible and tried so hard not to cry about it because I caused it. But their response was you were cute and it happens and I want to react better than just sobbing over every time something like that happens.

I know it's a lot of questions but I really want to be the best supportive partner for them because I care so much about them. And know we're both very independent and try and manage everything alone to not be a burden and I want to lessen that for them.

Hi all, I'm feeling pretty bad about myself at the minute and want to know if others have been in the same situation as I am. I've been diagnosed as autistic for 7.5 years, I say I'm disabled, but honestly I don't think I've ever accepted it. Because a lot of it happens on the inside I spend so long spiralling in my mind that it's all in my head and I'm lazy and making everything up for attention.

Now in the past 4 years I've proceeded to decline, after pushing for people to listen I got an IBS diagnosis (which I could trace so many things back to my teens where I now realise what I felt wasn't normal) but again nobody can see when I feel unwell, or am in pain. But I also don't feel able to speak about it because it's not that bad compared to what others are going through.

I've also suspected for those years I have ADHD and am currently in the diagnosis process. I've also been heavily peer reviewed but I don't like to label myself until I'm certain but a lot of people are very very convinced. And as well as that I went into such severe burnout in a job, I went off longterm sick and have never fully recovered since. Now after more pushing and actual support from my family to have something looked at, they're considering getting me checked for chronic fatigue.

Yet despite having diagnosises and actively having others looked into it, I still believe it's all in my head. I struggle to believe my issues myself because they're not visible. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have something visible so I could be believed and not be seen as lazy and totally fine. But I also know that comes with its own challenges. I think I just need support, I wish people could spend a day in my body and understand what it feels like to be me because they can't see or feel what goes on in my head or when I feel like I'm going to collapse with exhaustion after walking the dog.

So as of now I don't have a diagnosis but I'm currently in the process of a referral to a sleep clinic but that involves lots of tests before the clinic will even get me on the waiting list so it's a slow process.

I thought I was getting better over the weekend and the past two weeks was just because I was in the middle of a heatwave and I got hit by heat exhaustion. I went to a larp festival, was on my feet all day for 3 days and I thought maybe this is it, maybe this is what I needed. Now 4 days after coming home I feel ill and like I've been hit by a train (I've been feeling under the weather for 2 days already but not like this). By on my feet I mean I was running around from probably 11am to 8 or 9pm. I was always on a combat mission, so always active and went out again and again only after being back at camp for 20-30 minutes at most before going on the next available mission.

I thought maybe I'd made it up, my early night on Friday was because of getting up early to leave. And now I feel awful. My head feels like nails are being hammered into my skull, I'm constantly hot and cold, my nose is running and I feel a heavy exhaustion. I took a nap and felt like I hadn't slept and was in fact awake the whole time but I couldn't of because people had left when I got up and I didn't hear them leave. After that, I got up and thought my legs would buckle under my weight.

I feel so hopeless, how can I run around a 3 day festival and be perfectly fine, yet end up in bed feeling awful. I don't know if it's because larp is my special interest and I get a huge rush from combat but it makes me feel so useless. If I can do that, why is trying to look after myself and apply for jobs so exhausting. Even walking the dog is exhausting yet I just did this.

I (22F) feel so exhausted, low, depressed, etc. I've been looking for work since my last contract ended and just met with stacks of rejections. I feel worthless.

For context I'm autistic with a journalism degree and one fixed term contract in journalism which put me into such severe burnout I was off long term sick for the last two months. Now I've been fully unemployed for 4 months (I've been applying for 8 months) and it's just so disheartening.

I'm trying to change careers completely and use transferable skills from my degree to help me. But I can't get anywhere. I either don't have experience, am too highly educated to be accepted on a level 3 apprenticeship in a different field or a combination of both. Plus most of my previous work experience is in journalism. I did most of it before I realised that I do not want to work in the industry at all anymore.

I'm being encouraged to potentially do a masters in what I want to change to but that will put me in more debt. And with how hard I struggled at uni the first time I don't know if I can do it again. I've been applying to jobs daily and honestly I've tried but I get ghosted or rejected, I ask for feedback and no one responds. I don't know what to do.

I just feel so sad and alone and stuck. I'm depressed (have been for years) and this is just making it worse because I can't move out of my parents, I can't move in with my long distance partner. We were all hoping on one job I spent the best part of a year going through stages for to be the catalyst for our move and future. They rejected me and I had to email them just to find out because I was told everyone would receive confirmation if they did or didn't within a week but I was never contacted. I asked for feedback and nothing.

I want to work but it looks like I'm so lazy at home, I'm trying but I've had my motivation crushed and my hope for the future is pretty much nonexistent at this point. I have family who despite divulging some of my deepest feelings I kept to myself at uni which is part of the reason I want to switch careers still send me journalism jobs. Despite the fact I actually confessed how much damage uni did to my psyche. But right now I feel like a screw up. My younger brother has a job and is planning to start his own business and he's had a constant stream of jobs for the past 4 years. I've had 2 part time jobs that were for summer holidays, neither which are now seen as enough experience.

I just don't know what to, I know I'm venting but this feels like the place to help. I want something to give me hope, because right now my only dream of living with my partner is just fading away.

Hi all, so doctors have finally taken me seriously and want to get me seen by an ME specialist. I've got some more tests to do before that can happen as my GP is pre-empting everything they may want before they actually get me on the waiting list. I've been looking into this for a good while because based on the NHS symptoms a lot of them add up.

But why now do I feel so bad? Like my life is over? It feels like I hit November and just never recovered again. Like I'm better than rock bottom but I've not recovered to half the strength and energy I used to have. I've been resting for 3 months after my job contract ended (I ended up long term sick because of burnout leaving me so exhausted I was barely functioning). I feel incredibly lazy, I feel like everything feels like so much more effort than it used to be from cooking, to walking the dog, but I've rationalised it as it's because I don't like it and I'm probably depressed and unmotivated. Even though my body physically shuts down before something like that or afterwards I need to sleep for 2 hours.

I went out of town for a job interview on Wednesday and by yesterday afternoon I was exhausted and ill. I'm still ill today and had to cancel on a festival because I'd lost my voice and had no energy. I hate how I am, I feel so lazy, like it's me trying to avoid work and play video games all day, even though it can often make me tired and need to sleep too.

I feel like my family don't believe me and think it's because of my diet and needing to stand outside for 5 minutes in the morning. I know my diet isn't amazing because I'm autistic and a very picky eater but I eat enough for it to be balanced. They're also convinced that I'll get a job and that will make me go back to normal with the routine. Despite the fact my last full time job nearly destroyed me.

I sleep close to 12 hours a night, still need a nap and the smallest things tire me out. I feel so useless and a failure, like all my shortcomings are judged way more than my brother because I'm now not working, I have no energy all day and am struggling to look after myself. I just don't know what to do, I should feel relieved it's moving along but there's some of me that hates me for what I've become.

I'm still in shock by this and I don't know why I am so upset by what was said. I can't remember word for word what was said but I was talking about being Jewish (we were sharing cultural things as my friend is a devout Christian, my partner is romani and I'm a secular reform Jew) and this friend said something along the lines of "the Bible tells you that you should change your ways." My partner quickly stepped in to keep this other person in check about not enforcing religious beliefs or stuff that could be harmful to others in conversation because we have a lot of cultures and religions on our online friendship server. I was fine with that, I didn't want to assume it was on purpose to hurt me as they are extremely devout. But I had to clarify what he meant by "your ways" and essentially he told me that Jesus saved everyone from Judaism.

That hurt, a lot. My partner reiterated the sentiment about being respectful and not enforcing beliefs. I will admit I defended them slightly this time because I did ask what they meant. I needed to know if they were seriously saying I had to be saved from being Jewish and yes that's what they meant.

I don't know why I feel in so much pain by this, it feels like a stab to the heart. I'm really secular, not that religious, I say I'm more culturally Jewish because of family history, I love the food and I do the festivals and traditions that are fun. So I will always get my Shavuot cheesecake because I need an excuse to eat one to myself. I skip things that interest me less but there's no judgement, I just get bored. I don't go to synagogue anymore but something about me feels inherently Jewish, even if my religious faith is closer to atheist. I find festivals more to do with celebrating the culture I have, the excuse to eat food and have fun. I still light yartzite candles for family members and on Yom Hashoah. I have a mezuzah on my door, I like it as a small, I am here, my family is here, everyone before me survived, this is who I am. It might be a more weird way to see it but that's how I do. I have a star of david necklace I sometimes wear (I rarely wear jewellery so it doesn't go on much) and I want to get something Jewish and meaningful to me tattooed on myself.

Sorry for all the waffle, I just wanted to give context about who I am and why I feel so weird about being this upset about the comment. I feel like I shouldn't be, I'm secular, I do what I fancy and what is fun. Yet this cuts so deeply, I just want advice because I feel so hurt.

Please don't attack my partner, I can't remember properly how they handled it however, I will make it clear they handled it very fast and very well trying to stop the conversation and move it on. I was the one who clarified. They stepped in to change the topic to stop me getting hurt when that came up and was very clear what they were saying was too far and not okay.

Hi all, I (22F) realised I was bisexual just over 6 months ago. This came from a combination of a small crush on a trans woman and my current relationship with an amab genderfluid person. Long story short, seeing them in fem clothing made me have the moment of revelation I'd date them no matter what they physically are. So I assume that means I'm bi right?

But here's the issue, since then, my social media is filled with things related to biphobia or performative queerness and it's making me think I'm fake. I've only date guys before my current partner but they're also amab and presented masculine when we met. I've never dated anyone afab, for a lot of reasons including a fear they'd be seen as an experiment, my curiosity was a lie and I've strung someone along. Not really knowing how lesbian sex works and being completely terrified of not knowing anything or what to do.

It makes me feel like I'm faking it and that I'm secretly straight. Especially as I have a bigger preference towards amab people/masc people, including trans men, trans women and gender nonconforming people (including my partner who I love with all my heart).

There's something about realising in my 20s, never having any experience with a woman except a crush. That makes me feel like I'm lying and I'm just straight with a couple of exceptions. I don't want to be performative, I looked into being omni at one point because of my weird split of how I'd date but I'm not sure. It's not like I wouldn't date another woman, I would if we connected, I just find it harder to find feelings for women without more of a connection to them (my crushes came from people I'd known for a while, yet I can crush on someone masc presenting instantly).

I don't know what this means? Am I fake? Am I just an ally? Am I performative? I want to know what it means because everything I've been seeing is starting to stack up to not being bi. But then it doesn't make sense I've had a crush on a female but it took longer to arise, my partner has considered taking estrogen and I wouldn't care (okay I would but that's because I like boobs). I love my partner for who they are, no matter how they present themselves and honestly them in fem makes me speechless every time, especially as I don't see it as often. But I love them in everything. Yet still I feel like I'm not queer or bi or am pretending.

It's like I'm not queer enough for everyone else who is. I'm not very vocal about, I don't have pride badges or stickers, it's kind of just who I date and love (and probably because I won't come out to my family even though they won't care because it just feels like something I shouldn't talk about or a hassle). So I guess I'm a bit closeted if I am. Less than I was 6 months ago but certainly more than I was recently when I became more confident in myself because the doubts are back and social media isn't helping and making me feel that I'm not what I think I am.

Please can I have some help and advice?