u/Throwaway_283847372

Just a question.

My ex was pretty abusive and toxic and pressured me into dating him. I didn’t have feelings for him and he pressured me into dating him. If I wanted to break up he would do pretty toxic stuff. I felt very uncomfortable around him and not safe.

My current boyfriend isn’t like that. We don’t have the perfect relationship but he’s my first healthy one.

My ex and I dated on off three times.

My current boyfriend and I are dating for almost two years. I never had that feeling with him. But something in march triggered it.

Could it be ROCD using my abusive relationship to make me want to break up with my current one?

Just a question.

My ex was pretty abusive and toxic and pressured me into dating him. I didn’t have feelings for him and he pressured me into dating him. If I wanted to break up he would do pretty toxic stuff. I felt very uncomfortable around him and not safe.

My current boyfriend isn’t like that. We don’t have the perfect relationship but he’s my first healthy one.

My ex and I dated on off three times.

My current boyfriend and I are dating for almost two years. I never had that feeling with him. But something in march triggered it.

Could it be ROCD using my abusive relationship to make me want to break up with my current one?

Hello guys!

For the past days I experience bad urges that I need to break up and feelings that I never loved my boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I (F21)have been dating for almost 2 years now (my real first longtime relationship).
Over the course of these 2 years I have experienced thoughts that I never loved my boyfriend, I deserved better, that he’s not that attractive and so on. These happened in moments when I was angry at him or wanted attention from him (we’re LDR).

I always struggled with relationships. I started dating with 14. I had several short-term relationships. I was always very insecure and had low self esteem. I had some relationships with people I had a crush on and got these overwehlming urges to break up and so I did or pushed them to break up. I regretted it for one relationship and wanted them back after.

I went to a pretty bad OCD episode when I was younger (Harm OCD and SO OCD). The SOOCD flared up in relationships with man and I thought I was gay when I wasnt. I also had relationships with women (I identified as BI) but looking back I think I never liked women in the first place only the attention I got.

I also forced myself in relationships with people I didn’t like and had these urges too. My toxic ex pressured me into dating him several times or he would off himself. I hated him for that.

With my now boyfriend I never had these urges until march this year and they won’t go away. I don’t want to loose him but what do I do?

Could this also be a sign of avoidant attachment style? I grew up in a household where my parents cheated on each other, fought infront of me, I was put infront of chosing one of parents to live at, my mom fell into depression and I had to take care of her when I was 6, meeting my parents new partners (they’re back together now).

Maybe I too young at 14 to date. I had one relationship where a 22 year old woman took advantage of me. I never felt comfortable with her.

My boyfriend was different. He never annoyed me. I wanted to spend time 24/7. I only could think of him. And so on. Maybe I went to a spiral because the honeymoon phase is over. What do I do :(

I never liked physical touch until my boyfriend. I dont want to hurt him or break up.

Hello guys! I just need someone’s opinion on this.
I haven’t seen my boyfriend for two weeks (where meeting up today) due me working in another city.
The last two weeks were hell. The last week I also got sick for three days (due strong heat) and slept all day. The thoughts were pain but manageable.

This week I got so much anxiety that I need to break up with my boyfriend because my head is convinced that I don’t love him anymore and I want to be single again.

This monday we also got into a fight because he once made an joke that wasn’t okay and my head brought it up again. He suggested a break for me to clear up my head but I panicked so baldy and started crying.

Yesterday I called my dad about it and he didn’t get my point. He told me in his past relationships when I got this feeling he just broke up or got broken up with. With my mom he never got that feeling. He also told me that I’m maybe to young and not ready for an relationship.

That send me in a spiral so hard. I don’t want to break up. I feel so tired and disconnected like I’m living in my head.

My boyfriend is the first person I liked. I was so into him. His smile. His humor. The way he’s thinking. We’re literally the same person and he never annoyed me once.

I’m feeling like this since mid march after being in my exam phase for uni and being stressed.

The feeling got better when we’re together and is bad when we’re apart.

Did anyone go through the same thing? Does it get better? I feel guilty for even having this thoughts.

I know the honeymoon phase isn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe my ROCD misunderstood and took that as a way of not loving him anymore. I’m so tired to fight those thoughts from waking up to going back to sleep.