u/Thrusthamster

When I created my account way back in 2014 or so, they initially gave me a rating of 1350. I think it stabilised around 700-800 and then I gained from there. But now I see so many new players talking about being rated between 200 and 400, maybe even below 200.

Was it always like that or did something change recently?

I think The Bear is overall a good show, and in some seasons it's a great show. They salvaged it a bit with how they framed the finale and the reason for their success.

However, when the story began as "Michelin chef coming back home to salvage his dead brother's fast food restaurant and confronting his old demons" I thought the story would go very differently. I thought we would see Carmen eventually bring his world-class skills but work to keep the soul of The Beef intact. That it would after lots of fighting eventually become a Michelin star sandwich place. Because then he would heal and embrace his past and his present.

When they instead went with "screw The Beef, we're gonna make a fine dining restaurant" it seemed like a bit of a sell out. They didn't make the restaurant into something better, they ditched the whole thing and started something entirely new. Instead of believing in the crew and that they had something special, they threw all that out the window and decided to be like their heroes instead of their own thing. Carmen just went right back to what he had always done and he didn't seem to have learned anything at all from his brother's death.

The catalyst for the whole series was Mikey dying, but it only really mattered for Richie's character arc. That's leaving potentially great emotional pay-off on the table in my opinion.

The series should have been about a guy broken by the grind of chasing superficial success and then getting it, who returned home to discover he achieved greater success by cooking with soul and heart. At least that's what it felt like they were going for. It felt like they lost the emotional core of the story when they didn't.

I'm having trouble with my Fenix 7X Pro battery suddenly dying overnight even when charge is pretty high (from about 70% to 0% a few nights ago). I have Battery Graph installed but it would be more useful to find an app that also shows usage. For all I know maybe I'm doing something in my sleep.

CONTEXT

Me and my wife have been together for roughly 3 years, and we've been super in love since we first met (alright, we both agree it's technically since the 2nd date). We were both clear that we wanted kids when we met. Since we met we've basically speedrunned a relationship, very intentionally. We love each other so much and can't imagine being with anyone else, so we didn't see any point in taking it slow. We got married last year, we've bought a house and she's now 6 months pregnant. The problems we have now have been there since we first moved in together though.

Our trouble starts due to our different personalities when it comes to what I call "house projects". I have ADHD, but I do very well for myself with most things I try. I have a bunch of hobbies, and a job that can keep me pretty busy at times. With regular intervals, I need time to unwind, and then I sit by myself with my hobbies for a while. Hobbies like gaming, chess, running, strength training etc. I usually call it "alone time" but I don't necessarily need to be alone, I just need to concentrate on those things without interruptions. If I don't get some "alone time" for a long stretch of time (a week, for example) I get very burned out and can end up a bit depressed and cranky. We're talking about maybe 1-2 hours every other day. Actually that would be a good week. But I'd say the bare minimum is 4 hours a week of quiet time by myself doing my own thing. This is in addition to working out, but I usually do that by running home from work and one or two hours of strength training a week.

My wife and I are very similar in a lot of ways, but my need for "alone time" has been a constant source of conflict in our relationship. She doesn't seem to need anything like that. She gets energy from doing things around the house (like buy a new lamp and hanging it up, fixing the garden, basically going through a to-do list) and meeting up with friends. She also does spend time alone, like swimming by herself at the gym and stuff like that.

The issue is these "house projects". Nowadays it's hanging a lamp, driving somewhere and picking up a second-hand bed, building the crib stand, buying and assembling the stroller. Earlier it's been renovating the house after we bought it by painting the rooms, putting up wallpaper and hanging up shelves and so on.

I can do these projects, but I need more time to do them. To do this home improvement stuff I need to work up a loooot of motivation. It takes almost all of my energy, and then I need to recharge with some "alone time". I also do it slower than her, reducing it into small pieces that makes it easier for me. For example cleaning out the moving boxes with my old memorabilia is a multi-step process where I first carry the boxes down where the stuff will go, then a day or two later put the stuff away, then a day or two later throw out the boxes.

My wife often wants to do these "house projects" much faster, and gets frustrated when things are lying around unfinished. We've had several arguments after I need to sit down and recharge with some "alone time" by gaming or surfing the web or whatever, while she starts doing something (like hanging up a new lamp) that I was supposed to hang up later.

She says she feels alone in doing these things and planning them, and I say just give me a chance to get my mental energy back up and I can help. She has a hard time giving me that time because then she gets stressed by all the unfinished tasks.

LAST WEEKEND

We had a long argument about how she thinks my hobbies lead to us not spending enough time together, not doing the projects we need to do around the house, and she feels alone in planning and doing all this.

My answer was that I would like to help planning things, but some issues I don't see so she needs to tell me some of the things she wants me to do. I don't know what bed she prefers us to get, but if she tells me which then I can handle buying it and picking it up for example. I also can help more if we adapt the plans due to my needs, which are long deadlines and freedom to figure out how to fix it based on how I feel.

Basically, I want to help doing the things that needs to get done. But I need freedom to structure the plan my way, and time to make it happen. She doesn't like that because she thinks then I'll forget to do it, and she'll be stressed by things not happening until later close to the deadline. The kind of deadline I mean is like "I fix the crib before 1st of September", if the due date for the baby is 1st of October for example. She says she finds untidiness due to unfinished things around the house is "unacceptable" and "stupid". So I said if the only way to do things that she accepts is her own way, then we'll never figure this out. We're two people in this relationship and we should find a compromise that works for both of us, rather than me getting exhausted every two weeks because I'm always chasing her.

So we didn't really figure it out. The weekend ended up with no time for myself, and I was so exhausted by Sunday evening I had to stay home from work. I told her clearly picking up this bed that we were planning Monday is not something I can do anymore (it's a guest bed for the future baby room, we already have another guest bed). I'd rather she cancel the whole purchase and we'll do it later this summer. She ended up arguing against it and I had to say we can try next Monday but I can't make any guarantees that I'll be up to it after becoming so exhausted. This is something that often happens, that I feel pressured into agreeing to something I end up not being able to do. Then she gets angry because she feels I'm unreliable, and I get angry because I've been trying to tell her that I need time to get my energy back and her plans don't allow me to.

I haven't been able to sleep well because I've been on my phone until late at night because I'm frustrated and catching up on "alone time".

She's also sick from work now because she can't sleep, she's crying and saying she feels very alone. I reply I also feel very alone because I feel she doesn't respect my needs to the point where I have to be very aggressive and adamant about the time I need, in order to protect myself. She wants to talk and figure out a way forward, and I've said I'm happy to do so, but not now. I've made it clear I still love her and I want to figure it out, I just need a few more days to get my energy back. She doesn't seem to like that and doesn't like it when we're around each other but have unresolved issues.

We're going to couples counseling on Friday but it seems things are at a stalemate. She needs me to be productive more than I'm able to, and she needs clear plans and timelines to be able to trust me to do things it seems. I've told her what I think we need to do is to sit down and have a set of rules for the process around these "house projects" that we can agree on and that works for both of us. It's just that I can't have that conversation right now, because the past week has left me exhausted. I don't know when I'll have that energy, I just know it isn't right now.

So I dunno. It doesn't feel great saying "I'm not doing anything other than the bare necessities at home this week because I'm exhausted" while she's crying and saying she feels alone. But at the same time I don't feel like I have any choice, because I'm almost burned out at this point. If she doesn't want to consider my needs, then I have to protect myself.

What should I do?

TL;DR:

I need regular alone time. She doesn't. She wants to do many things around the house ASAP, I want to help but need more time. I often end up getting pressured into doing them when I'm not up to it, and I end up exhausted. Now I put my foot down and said this week there'll be no more working on things at home until I have energy for it. I want to talk about solutions but I can't right now because I'm exhausted. She's very sad about that and feels alone in doing the things she wants done around the house.