Stress PTSD affected the kids
Not much I can do right now. Time will help. So, here is a tip for others that could help you.
I took a job in a distant state and the wife and kids were going to join me after the school year. Wife says that I make the kids uncomfortable and walk on eggshells because they don’t know how I will be after work. I have a very stressful job and I am not managing it well. The meds I was put on for depression actually exacerbated anxiety. So, that sucked for three years. The kids only remember this span of time.
To be clear, I have never hurt them. I did spank only a couple times when much younger, but stopped. It was never during this period. My abuse to them is that I might snap or say something curtly. In short, some level of mental cruelty. I did try to explain that I was affected by work and I was being abused and bullied there. What does a kid know of this except that dad should be kind.
They might stay in the first state now. Wife says it can all heal and we are not getting divorced. She recognizes too that I have work PTSD. Maybe being apart will help, maybe being in a new environment will help me, but it doesn’t feel like it.
She saw the stress too and it has been a rough time anyway economically. We both wish we would have done something sooner for their sake. So- take care of your family. You might be working hard for them, but what does a man gain if he loses them in the end.